


With You in Mind

by Paintbrushyy_Ducky98



Series: A Beautiful Mind [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Action, Angst, Blood, Enemies to Lovers, First Time, Fluff, Gore, Graphic Violence, In later chapters - Freeform, Love, M/M, Rebellion, Romance, Sexual Content, Soldier AU, Super power AU, This is a series, Torture, but also fluff, chapters to come, eventual Bokuaka, evil suga, iwaoi - Freeform, iwaoi angst, iwaoi fluff, kind of, light kuroken, mutant AU, oiiwa - Freeform, soldier Iwachan, telekinesis au, there's a lot of fluff to balance, they'll come more in book 2, with 3 parts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-26
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-08-27 02:18:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 51,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8384188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paintbrushyy_Ducky98/pseuds/Paintbrushyy_Ducky98
Summary: Oikawa’s heart doesn’t leap when his eyes open to the darkness. He doesn’t look away from the black light that makes faces in the absence of focal points, the dance it creates in its chaos. Oikawa sits up in the bed, hearing his spine crack in the morning, knowing the world is alive because he can hear the voices behind the door, the change of the guards, and the lights suddenly come alive.





	1. The Scars On Your Feet

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU that Dinon thought up and that I'm writing for!! Go check out her art!! It's pretty cool!!! 
> 
> Her Tumblr: http://dininodiniyes.tumblr.com/

_The top doesn’t look that high. He could probably reach it if he had something to stand on. Oikawa sits on the floor, the white light of the summer beaming in on the kitchen, refracted by the glass of the transparent cookie jar. He just needs to reach the cookies. His eyes transfixed on them, on the top of the fridge._

_“Stop looking at the cookies Tooru, you’re not getting any before your lunch.” His mother says, opening the fridge door. Oikawa doesn’t move his eyes away from the brown biscuits._

_“But-”_

_“No.” His mother cuts him off. Her head still stuck in the fridge. He just wants one._

_“TOORU!” He can’t hear her anymore. He can hear him, his screams, and the crunch of shoes over glass. Oikawa’s toes hurt, the skin underneath his feet twitching and breaking, he’s in pain, and he can’t make it go away._

_“Mommy?” He calls through the silence of the room, cutting it like a knife his words penetrate his father’s ears._

_“Mommy...” Oikawa wiggles his toes. His eyes are blurry, why are they so blurry. He blinks three times. The tears are warm on his cheeks, and they slide over his lips. They taste salty._

_“Mo...mmy” He reaches out for her hand but is picked up and pulled away from her. He can’t see her face, he can’t see her eyes. Where are her eyes?_

_All he can see is her hand, protruding from beneath the toppled refrigerator. The shattered glass of the cookie jar spread out on the floor and embedded in his small feet, leaving growing scars he still feels today._

_“MAAACHHMMYYY” He screams, his voice breaking like glass shattering within him. His father holds him away. He can feel his heart against his body, racing like it’s dying, like it’s breaking._

_The white light still streams in, illuminating the dust in the air, making it look mystical. The air is so silent, the dust remains still._

 

* * *

 

Oikawa’s heart doesn’t leap when his eyes open to the darkness. He doesn’t look away from the black light that makes faces in the absence of focal points, the dance it creates in its chaos. Oikawa sits up in the bed, hearing his spine crack in the morning, knowing the world is alive because he can hear the voices behind the door, the change of the guards, and the lights suddenly come alive.

Oikawa shifts his eyes to the camera in the corner, it's eyes confronting him with its metal resistance as he tries to crack its lens. The man behind it sees him.

His voice breaks and scratches along his throat, the electric shock biting into his neck, it was small.

“Don’t.” A voice comes in through the ceiling. He’s not alone. He never has been. He lets his feet adjust to the glass floors and their chilling fingers, biting into the scars on his feet, his toes sliced with stripes of whiter, thicker skin.

He reaches the bathroom and closes the door. It’s too small, even when he was 6 it was too small. He no longer remembers his face as he used to. It’s been months since he’s seen it, but he washes his face regardless, resting his palm on the wall, brushing his teeth with the toothbrush he came with, the gray one, with white bristles, that have fallen off after 15 years.

He should request a new one, for the 10th time this year. He scratches at his collar, the metal irritating on his skin, sticking to it. It also needs to be adjusted.  

He wonders what day it is. He stopped counting after the first year, now he just knows the difference between day and night, and even then, the lines still blur. He comes out of the bathroom and drops to the floor, his head slamming on the glass, his mind frazzled in the chaos of pain. He can’t feel his arm.

The door unlocks.

“Grab him,” A man says, his voice like poisoned syrup, too sweet and infectious.

“Dr. Sugawara, it doesn’t show he was scheduled for anything today.” The man in the ceiling says to Suga.

Thick, heavy, hands wrap around Oikawa’s arms, pulling his body to its feet, his head limp on his shoulders.

“No he wasn’t but, it’s been a while, so I’ve scheduled some training and intrusive study for the day, we have a new soldier to adjust him to,” Suga says, his eyes narrowing at Oikawa. Oikawa tries to grasp his mind around something, his metal ball, his pillow, his pen, anything in the room that he can impale this silver-haired monster with.

“I know what you’re trying to do,” Sugawara says.

“It’s not going to work.” Oikawa lets out a breath, slow and broken, listening to Suga’s words.  

“Take him to the playpen.” He says to the Guards.

“See what he has to play with today.” The door closes behind them, sealing with air locks.

Oikawa wiggles his fingers, trying to gain more movement, trying to reach out with his mind on anything he can. He focuses on the gun holstered in one of the guard’s belts and it shifts.

“The hallways look the same don’t they?” Suga says stopping and turning towards Oikawa. He stares at the doctor, breathing out the fog in his head, waiting for it to clear so he can escape. Sugawara walks closer, bending down, his face just inches away from Oikawa’s.

“Of course you wouldn’t know that since you’ve only ever come out 7 times.” Oikawa opens his mouth to respond.

“Shhhhhh. Don’t speak.” Sugawara shushes him with a finger to his lips, as he pulses the drugs into his system a vial pressed up against his neck, draining into him. His eyelids grow heavy, and his arms grow weak, his mind fogs even more as the ability to make coherent thought vanishes, scrambling the words in his head into alphabet soup.

 

* * *   

 

The world comes into sharp focus quickly, his mind rushing to fill the corners of the room, to locate any and all beings, any and all objects. He’s not alone. Oikawa leans up on his hands, listening to the whispers of the other Camds, feeling their fear radiating like mist off their skin.

He lifts himself to his feet, his limbs heavy his loose white shirt and sweatpants weighing him down.

There are others hovering in corners, keeping their distance from Oikawa, only a few mimic the others out of caution. He recognizes a couple of them, they were brought in the same time he was.

Kuroo stands in the back, Kenma lingering nearby, watching people’s wavelengths, listening to voices from the control room, he points at the window with his eyes.

Most are new faces, the large brute in the corner, and red haired ball staring Oikawa down from the other side kept at bay by long arms, a blue figure standing close frostbitten skin misting with the heat radiating off of the shrimp. His breath comes out in white fog like he’s melting on the inside. Oikawa takes a step back.

They’re in the playpen, the training platform where they fight until one is knocked unconscious or killed. Only one was ever killed, and it was when Oikawa first fought, he was only 6 years old, what else was he supposed to do, he tried to run, he tried to...

 

_“Where do you think you’re going runt” his voice was deep, running through Oikawa veins like smooth poison weakening his mental strength with fear. The man picked him up by his foot, dangling him upside down like a piece of meat. Oikawa thought he was going to eat him. He started to scream, shaking his arms side to side as fast as he could with any effort to strike._

_Blood drips down his forehead, running up his cheeks and into his eyes, making his vision red. He falls with a thud scrambling to his feet and off of the mat as the giant falls forward._

_His body was impaled, knives, daggers, swords, hammers, poles, glass, anything not nailed down to the floor had been lifted and pierced his skin, skewering him._

_The blood had come from his mouth, his lungs collapsing surging up fluids into this mouth and onto Oikawa as the air was pushed out of him. His body fell forward, Oikawa kicking back trying to get away._

_He keeps screaming, glass shattering around him, the other Camds screaming and hiding in terror at the new recruit, until soldiers pierced him with a tranquilizer dart, leaking into his small heart the numb feeling of lost innocence. Oikawa doesn’t remember what happens after that, all he knows is he woke up in his room, and cried._

 

The rumors began to spread after that, of the powerful one, of the deadly mind wielder, the killer who enjoys torturing his victims. He had been the first one to kill in this training room.

“Kuroo and Oikawa, take your places on the mat.” Suga’s voice enters the room with a crackle and a pop, ordering them to move. Oikawa steps onto the mat first, wanting to leave more than fight, but know it won’t happen if he resists. Kuroo leaves Kenma’s side and takes a step onto the mat, residing on the corner, his eyes dark filling to the corners with black ink like blood. His smile cocks at one corner.

“Been a while Oikawa. Where you been?”

“Locked in my room, where else.” Oikawa joins in the banter.

“Your move, Kuroo.” Oikawa doesn’t shift on his feet like Kuroo does, doesn’t move in a circle like it’s a boxing ring. Kuroo was interned when he was 15, along with Kenma a year younger. They’re let out a lot more often than Oikawa, to train and battle, more controllable.

The lights go out and Oikawa blinks a few times to let his eyes adjust slightly to the shadows caking his vision. He can see Kuroo’s white skin in the distance, the contrast vanishes with he’s consumed by his darkness.

They're under a black spotlight, the outer rim light normally so others can see in. Oikawa braces his stance knowing he can take him, once he’s taken himself.

Kuroo evades his touch, opening up a black hole beneath him. Oikawa falling into it, coming out on the ceiling falling to the floor. He’s in the air for about 5 seconds before he mentally pulls on his own weight, slowing his descent, weakening the pull of gravity. He lands on his feet, breathing slowly to listen for Kuroo.

His frame comes into sight across the matt, the dark outline coming closer as he breathes. Oikawa’s growing impatient with Kuroo’s games, his taunting. Oikawa straightens his stance, closing his eyes. He focuses on Kuroo’s breathing, on the sound of the heartbeat reverberating into the silent air. He can feel his energy, the dark aura of is spirit lingering closely.

Oikawa opens his eyes and looks Kuroo in the eyes piercing through his darkness and stripping him of this fluid black cloak coating his skin. His eyes don’t blink. Kuroo takes a step back. Oikawa reaches out a hand mentally clasping onto Kuroo’s throat.

“I don’t like to be toyed with that much, Kuroo. You know this.” Kuroo nods, trying to pull air into his lungs.

“I just want to go back to my room.” Oikawa whispers. Kuroo’s feet don’t touch the ground, kicking aimlessly in the air as Oikawa hovers him ten feet above him.

Kuroo’s head hits the wall first, blood dripping down the wall. Kuroo screams. He continues to kick.

Oikawa smashes his head again, and again, and again. He falls limp.

Oikawa lets his body drop. He just wants to go back to his room. Kuroo would have played with him all day.

Kenma crawls behind the legs of the other Camds, clutching Kuroo’s shoulder when he reaches him. He stares at Oikawa and nods, thanking him. Oikawa nods once as well. Kuroo’s chest heaves a jagged breath, and he moans.

He hadn’t hit him that hard, sending him full throttle but then slowing him just in time to hit the wall with less impact, so it doesn’t kill him. He made sure the dent was big enough, though. If he had used full force...

 

“Do you see why we keep them here?” Dr. Sugawara addresses him. Iwaizumi stands behind the glass, watching the brown haired boy trudge to the side of the room, sitting against the wall. The others avoid him, moving to and crowding against the other 3 walls, giving him the entire space.

“We call them Camds because that’s what they are, Creatures of mass destruction.”  
“He certainly is powerful,” Iwaizumi says under his breath. It wasn’t meant to be heard, but Dr. Sugawara answers.

“What you just saw was Oikawa being nice. You’re being tasked with keeping in line the most dangerous Camd in this facility, which is the only facility, therefore in the world.”

Iwaizumi can’t shift his eyes away from the Camd, dread sitting on his heart as he measures the magnitude of the task.

“Can you do this?” Sugawara asks. Iwaizumi doesn’t answer right away, but takes a breath and mentally recounts his training.

“Yes.” He says straightening his posture.

“Good.” Sugawara leans on the intercom button, letting his voice echo in the silence of both their room and the Camds.

“Good job, Oikawa. Prepare to test.” and he releases the button.

“Where to now?” Iwaizumi asks. He regrets the words once they’ve left his mouth.

“The laboratory. Oikawa hasn’t been tested in a few months.” Sugawara says walking past Iwaizumi to talk to the other soldiers.

Iwaizumi looks out the glass, at Oikawa sitting in peace. Then he falls limply to the ground. Soldiers with tranquilizer guns approaching, back to Iwaizumi but vigilant to the other Camds. There are 5 soldiers, 2 to protect the other soldiers, 2 to carry the unconscious camd, and 1 to hold a tranq gun to his head.

“Come Iwaizumi, there’s still plenty to see of Oikawa, and soon you’ll meet him face to face.”

Iwaizumi rips his eyes from the Camd focusing on the doctor and their next destination.

“Yes, sir.” He responds and follows suit.


	2. The Blood of Your Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't feel sorry for them, they're not human, he's not human, it's not human.

It’s too bright, it’s too bright. The lights swing above him, sending him spinning on the table. 

He’s warm, and wet, and choking back another scream, his chest open to the world, his ribs broken on the edges. He can feel the marrow growing back, the pain slowing the process, but the order prominent in his mind.  _ Regenerate. Heal. _

He focuses on the division of his cells, the growth of his bone and tissue around his lungs. He can breathe in nothing but broken shards of glass, listening to the echo of his rasping throat in the silent room.

He turns his head towards the surgeons, their masks cover their mouths, but he can see their eyes. Their eyes, unphased by his performance, by his blood dripping down their hands, splattering on the ground, flowing from the table.

He hates their eyes the most because he can see everything they’re not feeling. The remorse that’s missing in their eyes, he can feel it. 

His bones have grown back, he can feel the pain dissipate from the movement, but the skin is still open, the tissue is still torn, the blood is still dripping from his body. 

“That’s enough, sew him back up.” Sugawara’s voice echoes in the room, the sound of it sickening to Oikawa’s ears.

The world fades, and blurs as his body tenses, as they touch him with their cold staples and stitches, with their hands that break him and put him back together again. His body feels heavy when he loses consciousness. 

  
  


“Impressed?” Sugawara asks him. 

Iwaizumi can hardly breathe, the sounds of the Camd’s screams still trapped in his skull, echoing in the cavity of his mind as his horror builds.

“Very.” He lies, pushing the words past his lips, knowing that it’s what Sugawara wants to hear, knowing if he doesn’t agree they’ll ship him to another district. 

He thinks he might vomit, so much blood on the floor, puddles. The doctors lift the Camd off of the table, his wound stitched and sewn closed, across his abdomen. They hold him up as they wrap his torso with bandages, his head limps to the side, his eyes.

Even in his sleep, he looks tortured, his mind in chaos still, even when all is black. Iwaizumi looks away, trying to distance himself. 

“They’re not human, Iwaizumi, you don't need to feel sorry for them,” Sugawara says, watching him, studying his thoughts as if they were written in the air. He says it with such certainty as if he doesn’t feel the pain he’s witnessing like he’s enjoying it.  

Iwaizumi nods.  _ He doesn’t need to pity them. They’re not human. _ Iwaizumi repeats to himself, trying to choke down the lies he’s supposed to believe, he has to believe. 

“If you start to pity them, then they control you, and then we wouldn’t be able to get anything done.” Sugawara turns and smiles, his teeth too white for Iwaizumi’s reality, sending chills through his skin.

“Understandable.” He says, just to get him to shut up. 

The surgeons signal Sugawara that the Camd is ready for transport handing him off to the armed guards waiting by the door. 

Sugawara and Iwaizumi join them and the Camd in the Hallway, the smell of iron pungent in the air, stuffing itself up his nose and down his throat, choking him. 

The Camd’s head hangs on its shoulders, his legs dragging on the ground. He leaves a trail of blood as they walk. Iwaizumi tries not to stare at it. 

“We’ll return Oikawa to his quarters and then have you meet him once he’s conscious, which well force,” Sugawara says, leading the way towards Oikawa’s room. 

_ Oikawa... it's a nice name.  _ Iwaizumi stops himself, shaking his head and glancing back at the unconscious Camd being dragged by the guards. 

_ He’s not human, it’s not human.  _ He says again, and faces forward, trying to listen to Dr. Sugawara’s words. 

  
  


Oikawa awakens when he hits the ground, the searing pain rising in his chest like a bolt of electricity. 

He doesn’t pay attention to the people behind him, to the guards that threw him in there, but when the door closes he can still sense another person. 

His energy is electric, fighting in the air with his own magnetic waves. He turns his head slightly. The green of his eyes is what catches his attention first, the piercing emerald eyes that glow behind his dark facade. Oikawa turns away, crawling towards the corner, propping himself up against the wall. 

He turns towards the man, his eyes heavy and dizzy still from the pain. He needs to sleep. 

Iwaizumi doesn’t say anything, unsure of how to converse properly with something he just watched get tortured. 

“What do you want,” Oikawa says, holding a hand to his side, feeling the blood seep through the bandage.  _ He’ll have to heal it later,  _ he thinks. 

“I’m your new overseer.” Iwaizumi finally says. Oikawa looks at him, his eyes open wider. 

“Overseer...” He whispers to himself. 

“I’ll be-”

“I know what it is.” 

“Just haven’t had one in a while.” Oikawa closes his eyes, too tired to do anything but accept his new keeper. Iwaizumi doesn’t say anything more, just stares at him, his head leaned against the white wall, his hands clutching his side, blood dripping from his wound still. 

“You're still bleeding,” Iwaizumi says. 

“I would leave before I get the energy to do something to you,” Oikawa says, his stare, deepening, threatening to remove Iwaizumi’s heart where he stands. 

Iwaizumi takes a step back, nodding. Oikawa scoffs as the door shuts, resting his head again on the wall, letting the silence absorb him. 

  
  


Iwaizumi listens to the door’s air locks, listens to them breathe as he does. 

“It’ll take some time,” Sugawara says. 

Iwaizumi turns around to Dr. Sugawara and the guards lingering behind him. 

“He’ll get used to you.” He continues. 

“I’m actually quite surprised he didn’t try to kill you just now. He must be tired.” Sugawara turns and walks down the hall, holding up a hand and motioning for Iwaizumi to follow. 

He leads him to a room down the hall, piled high with computers, their light providing a ghostly glow on the walls and the face of the technician. Sugawara turns on the lights. 

“Ahh.” the Man says, turning and wiping his face free of crumbs. 

“Suga!” He says. Sugawara glares at him for using a nickname. 

“Sorry, Dr. Sugawara, what are you doing here?” 

“I want the new soldier to watch over Oikawa with you, have him learn his habits and what not, get used to him.” Sugawara turns towards Iwaizumi to explain further. 

“While you are a field agent we will be sending you out on missions with the Camd, for you to both combat and control him, so you must learn his habits so he won't be able to pull anything when he’s out of the facility, or to read his movement to know when something's wrong.” He talks like he’s an animal that has no words, who needs to be read, not spoken to in order to understand. Iwaizumi doesn’t argue, just nods. 

“This is Daichi, he’s job is to observe all the Camds while in their rooms, though he mostly monitors Oikawa.” Sugawara looks down at his watch. 

“Well I’ve got to get going to another test, this time we’ll be picking apart a brain, our little electronic reader’s turn to be explored.” 

“Keep watch, and bring him his meal when Daichi tells you too, okay?” Sugawara’s eyes close when he smiles, his energy overly cheerful as he gives Iwaizumi his orders. 

“See you later Daichi.” 

“Bye,” Daichi turns from his computer for a moment to wave but Suga’s already gone. He looks at Iwaizumi in the room and smiles, offering his hand.

“Daich,” He says. Iwaizumi shakes his hand. 

  
  


Oikawa rolls his eyes towards the camera, watching his reflection in its lens. They’re both watching him. 

He turns away, ignoring their eyes and concentrating on his ball. He lifts it from its pedestal by his bed, letting it slump through the air in liquid form. He molds it, letting his mind wrap around it. He holds it high in the air above him, turning it solid, spherical, then making spikes grow. It falls when he tries to move to grab it with one of his hands, splattering again as a liquid as it hits the floor. 

He clutches his chest, leaning back against the wall, his breath hardening in his throat. He focuses on the runny metal, moving it back to its pedestal. 

He looks down at his bandages, wrapped around his chest and stomach. He lifts them, the cloth damp with blood. 

The stitches go from the top of his hip to the center of his chest, hovering over his heart. He can feel the difference in his bones, the new bone uncomfortable under his skin, cold and strange.

He hugs his stomach and tries to focus on the healing, on the skin regeneration, but the pain stiffens him, closes his mind off to its power and leaves him gasping for air. 

He slumps back against the wall, again giving into the pain and exhaustion. 

  
  


“What was he just trying to do?” Iwaizumi asks Daichi, watching the Camd clutch it’s  stomach then collapse against the wall. 

“He was trying to heal himself, his telekinetic abilities have multiple powers to them, that’s why he’s so dangerous because we still don’t fully understand his capabilities.” 

“And the ball? Was that part of healing too?” He asks leaning forward 

“No, that’s just a toy Suga lets him have to exercise his powers. He doesn’t leave very often so he needs something to keep him busy.” 

“That can’t be all he does, though. He’d be much more insane than that if he’s stuck in here for so long without contact. 

“He reads. He plays with his toy, and the rest of the time, he sits upright on his bed, meditating.”  

“Meditating? Like a monk?” Iwaizumi asks in disbelief. 

“Not so much like a monk than like... I don’t know how to explain it, he sits there, and turns his head like he’s watching something, following something with his eyes.” 

“But you don’t know what?” Daichi shakes his head.

“Every time I zoom in with the camera, or even sit closer to the screen, he opens his eyes and stares at me through the camera. It’s like he knows when I’m watching and when I’m not.” Iwaizumi listens intently, trying to explain to himself just what they’re talking about, trying to believe it himself. He had studied the Camds a little in the Academy, but he had only heard brief stories of the telekinetic Camd, the unknown whose power is immeasurable. He looks up from his hand at a screen across the room, it’s image flickering and going out. 

“Hey, what’s going on with that camera?” He asks, pointing at the static, it’s hush playing ominously in the silence of the room before Daichi speaks up. 

“Oh, that’s Kenma and Kuroo’s room. They must have picked him up for his testing. He always does resist.” He switches the camera off and waits a few seconds before turning back on, the screen coming to life with an image of a tall black haired boy pounding on the metal door of his room, his skin flickering from black to white, his form changing from human to a shadow on the white floors. 

“There’re two of them in one room?” He asks. Daichi pulls his eyes away from Oikawa’s screen and looks back at Kuroo and Kenma’s. He rolls over to the screen and presses down on an intercom button.

“Kuroo” He scolds, Kuroo changing his focus from the door to the camera, flipping it off before taking a seat on his bed. 

“Yeah, they used to be separated but Knema kept escaping to get into Kuroo’s room.” 

“How did he manage that?” Iwaizumi asks. 

“He has the ability to control electronic wavelengths and devices, giving him power over our systems. He kept undoing to lock and finding his way to Kuroo, Suga just let them sleep in the same room and he was happy.” 

“They’re related?” 

“Nope, dating,” Daichi says without thought. Iwaizumi would have thought he’d been shocked, but considering his own sexuality he’s not.

“But how do they... be intimate?” Iwaizumi was too curious not to ask. Daichi gives him the side eye.

“I mean with the cameras.” He raises his eyebrows in understanding resuming his staring at the screen.  

“Kenma turns the camera off, and when I reboot them they don’t come back, after that, I just wait and they come back on their own.” Daichi doesn’t look away from Oikawa’s screen except to look down at his watch. A timer goes off on the table and Daichi gets up from his rolling chair. 

He goes into a closet in the corner of the medium sized room and brings out a bowl with tinfoil over the top.

“Here,” He says, handing Iwaizumi the bowl. Iwaizumi looks at him in surprise unsure what to do with it. 

“It’s feeding time, and  _ that _ is Oikawa’s dinner. Just hand it to him,” Iwaizumi nods. 

 

* * *

 

His door unlocks, waking him from his painful sleep, but even so he feels more awake, and energized. He looks at the person in the door, recognizing the smell of his dinner. 

Iwaizumi approaches slowly. He know’s he’s weak, that he shouldn’t be showing fear, but he can’t help but feel unease running over his skin when he’s in the Camd’s presence. 

Oikawa stares at him through his eyelashes. He doesn’t have enough energy to move him. 

“I brought your dinner.” He says. Holding it out and placing it on the floor in front of him. 

Oikawa focuses on his ball, lifting it silently off its pedestal as Iwaizumi bends down, removing the tinfoil from the top of the bowl. 

The ball separates into several silver darts, the ends becoming pointed and sharp hovering in the air, aligning with Iwaizumi’s neck. 

Iwaizumi stands up and looks into Oikawa’s eyes, his brilliantly dark brown eyes and the darts soar forward slicing the air with their edges. 

Electricity spreads like needles through Oikawa’s body, making his skin jump and collapse. Something breaks in his body, and the heat of blood comes rushing up his esophagus, coating his tongue and flowing over his chin. He trembles, his head pressed to the floor trying to regain control of his body, of his heartbeat. 

Iwaizumi’s hasn’t moved, but stares at the metal darts liquefying on the ground. He looks over at the Camd, blood spilling from its mouth. 

He looks to the camera. 

“Send a medic,” He says, forgetting the darts on the floor and going to sit behind the Camd. He props him up on his lap keeping his head pointed downwards so he doesn’t choke on his own blood. 

The medic is opening the door a few moments later, two of them flooding in with two toolkits and more gauze. 

They ignore Iwaizumi and don’t bother to ask what happened. They reach for Oikawa’s wrists to hold him down, but he resists. Iwaizumi can feel the speed of his heartbeat on his legs, thrashing through his back. The wrestle his limbs to the ground pressing them tightly, tearing at the old gauze. 

“Hey! You don’t have to be rough.” Iwaizumi says instinctively. 

“He’s resisting,” one of them says. 

“He’s in pain, and in shock.” Iwaizumi doesn’t know why he’s defending him, he’s not human. 

The medic nods, reaching slowly for the gauze and removing them. 

“I thought you could heal yourself?” Iwaizumi says but doesn’t expect a response. 

“Not... not when... I’m in pain... too distracting.” The medics wrap new gauze to his chest and abdomen and administer an anesthetic to numb the pain so he can heal himself. 

Iwaizumi moves him to his bed, the mattress rock hard but still sinks slightly beneath his body weight. He falls asleep quickly. 

 

Iwaizumi presses his forehead to the outside of the door, listening for the locks to breath. 

“You’re too soft.” a voice says, the sly tone liquid and sour against Iwaizumi’s ears.

“Matsukawa,” He says, turning in his direction. 

“Haven’t seen you in a year.” 

“Graduated early.” He shrugs as if not to brag.

“Really? We all thought you finally got kicked out.” He says turning in the opposite direction. He doesn’t respond to Iwaizumi’s remark but glares at his back. 

“You’re still too soft.” He whispers again and pushes off the wall.       

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!! DON'T FORGET TO COMMENT AND LEAVE KUDOS!!!!!
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> My Tumblr: http://paintbrushyy.tumblr.com/


	3. The Fear in Your Shadow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a short chapter tonight!! It's kind of bland, and I would have written the plot for chapter 4 but I didn't want to kill you all after last nights chapter!!! LOOK FORWARD TO MORE SOON!!!!!!!

Iwaizumi’s sweat breaks through his forehead, dripping down his temple. His body trembles, absorbing the impact, vibrations spreading through his arm and into his back. His heart jumps, racing against his ribs. He breaths slowly, try to focus, bouncing on his toes, watching the bag swing from side to side. 

He pumps his fist a few more time into it, the sand in its leather casing resisting for a second before giving into his momentum. He keeps his frame tight, his fists to his face.

His head isn’t clear, and he hates it. Three more jabs. He feels mentally congested like his mind is sick with thought. Two right hooks. He needs to get over it. One straight punch two roundhouse kicks and a reverse side kick. His body launches back at the kick, the bag swinging on its chain. 

He turns away and walks in a circle, shaking his arms and head, bouncing on the balls of his feet, trying to loosen up his shoulder. He’s too tight. 

He steadies the bag and set up his stance. He jabs quickly.

“Iwaizumi,” Matsukawa’s voice comes from the doorway, invading the silence. 

He lowers his hands, stopping the bag.

“We’ve got orders.” He says, his eyes deep in their concentration. Iwaizumi nods, unwrapping his hands. 

“Meet at central in an hour.” He nods again, the silence calm again when Matsukawa leaves. 

* * *  
  


Oikawa wakes up with his head in pieces, drugged on pain and electricity, morphine still numbing his system. His bandages are stiff on his skin, the blood sticking to his body, and it’s smell to the inside of his nose. 

He sits up, leaning on the edge of the bed. It doesn’t hurt to move anymore, but his limbs resist still. He mentally pulls at the red bandages unwinding them from his body, letting them pile on the floor.

The scar stretches from his belly button to just below his heart, the discomfort of the new skin, of the new tissue, somehow reassuring to Oikawa.He takes a deep breath, letting his lungs fill with oxygen before exhaling, the air moving smoothly through him. 

He scratches at the blood stuck to his skin. He needs to be cleaned, to wash away the remnants of his screams still sitting in his skin, of the pain. He looks at the camera, sensing the eyes that stare back at him, the brown eyes looking back and waiting like they always are. 

“Can I have a shower?” He asks the camera. The voice comes through the ceiling like a break in Oikawa’s sanity, piercing the silence with more static before the camera’s words.    
“Yachi’s on her way.” the voice says. Oikawa sighs, thankful it’s Yachi and not the old fat woman he’s had so many times. He enjoys Yachi, enjoys her voice, and her warmth, the feel of her energy in the room. Maybe she’ll bring him a new book like she used to when he was younger. 

He was only 6 when they took him, when his father’s insanity abandoned him, leaving him to the hands of the government, of the surgeons. A shudder licks his spin pulling at the air in his throat as he compels the memory into silence. 

At such a young age, and in such a horrific place, Yachi Offered him solace, smuggling him books when her mother wasn’t looking. They were about the same age, and Yachi would tag along with her mother when she attended to him, giving him company in his isolation. She took on her mother’s job when she was old enough, after her mother’s death, she took the job to fill her place. 

Yachi opens the door, her smile brighter that her blond hair. Oikawa smiles the best he can in his agony. It hurts to look at her. At her joy, though he still loves to see her, it hurts to watch her. 

To know that her mother was killed, while she believes in an accident. Oikawa looks her in the eyes, breaking more by the thought of her mother’s screams. 

They had found the books, and blamed her mother, they killed her for it for helping him. Yachi will suffer the same fate, to die loving the lie of her life, of her work. 

They don’t tell them the truth, about what they do to him. All she knows is that he’s special, that his powers are being studied, being used to help other. Oikawa doesn’t have the heart to tell her.

He doesn’t know how to express the pain, of being violated by strange hands as they spill the blood of your naked body. 

“Ready?” Her voice is sweet. He nods bracing herself on his shoulder as she helps him to his feet. The morphine takes his pain away but his brain is suffering because of it, unable to control anything. His own limbs feel like liquid. 

She walks him down the hall to the medical ward where they allow them to shower. He's not supposed to shower in the morning, only at night when the others are locked in their quarters and only once a week, never more, unless absolutely necessary. 

Today, they are filled, patients stare as Oikawa stumbles through shirtless, his scar, red and crusted with blood. Yachi steadies him with her hands, pressing one to his side and wraps the other around his waist. He can hear the whispers of their thoughts collecting in the air. He silences them, shifting focus to their eyes, watching him in awe. 

The showers are no luxury, tight corners with plastic curtains, shower heads with only one temperature. Oikawa removes his pants, standing on the cold tile, waiting for the cold water. The shower head opens up and Oikawa’s feet begin to move. Yachi sits on a table in front of the closed curtain. 

Oikawa doesn’t mind the company of guards, of Yachi when he showers, of the camera in his room, they remind him that he’s not insane, that he’s not alone. 

The water at his feet pinkens with the blood as it washes away, his skin cooling with on the inside. His mind feels awake again, light without burden, washes clean by the water. 

The sound of heavy boots and the hush of voices makes his hair stand on end. 

“Where’s the Camd?” It’s Iwaziumi’s voice. 

“Oikawa’s in the shower, why? Who are you?” Yachi says. 

“It’s accompanying soldiers on a field mission.” Iwaziumi’s voice is stern, unwilling to argue with Yachi.

“I’m its new Overseer.” He says. He hates that word. 

Oikawa pulls back the curtain, his hair sticking to his forehead shading his eyes.  

He meets Iwaizumi’s eyes through his strands of hair. Iwaizumi looks away once he realizes Oikawa is naked and wet.

Yachi hops off the table and runs to gather clothes from a closet, bringing back a usual white shirt and gray sweatpants. He feigns a smile as a thank you. 

He dresses under the eyes of the room. 

“Why are you here?” Iwaizumi asks Yachi catching her off guard. Her expression calms when she realizes what he means. 

“Oikawa’s not allowed to leave his room without the company of a facility worker. Even to shower, I or someone else must accompany him.” She says turning back to Oikawa. She grabs a towel off the table, approaching Oikawa with it. She tilts his head back, wiping away at leftover blood beneath his metal collar. 

“Well, we need to leave. Soldiers are waiting by at central.” Oikawa nods following Iwaizumi through the medical ward. 

Oikawa doesn’t say anything about the red tint of Iwaizumi’s ears.       


	4. The Remnants of Your Humanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why is he fighting for him? Why is he protecting him?

Oikawa’s body is weightless in his suit, the black spandex clinging to the curves and crevices of his skin. He sits on the bench, Iwaizumi watching as he’s prepped.

“Make sure he’s branded.” A soldier says clutching Oikawa’s arm. He runs a black light over his shoulder lighting up the hidden ink he was given when he was 16 and sent on his first mission.

“This isn’t my first mission,” Oikawa says pulling back on his arm.

“Well, I’ve never seen you before?” The soldier responds. Oikawa slips his arms into the sleeves of his suit zipping the front up to the edge of his metal collar.

“That’s because it was 5 years ago.” He looks at the slot of missing fabric meant to reveal his tattoo, the 07 in his skin, tagging him as an animal, as a monster.

“You think you can talk to a soldier like that, Camd?” his eyes squint, threatening him.

“Tanaka!” Iwaizumi calls.

“And aren’t you supposed to control him, shock him or whatever.”

“As far as I can see he’s not hurting anyone, so there’s no need to inflict pain.” Iwaizumi stares down the other soldier, their eyes locking until the other scoffs and turn away, mumbling curses on Iwaizumi’s name.

Iwaizumi’s shoulders relax once he leaves, releasing a breath. He approaches the bench and puts his clipboard next to Oikawa’s usual clothes. Oikawa stands next to him, watching him with interest.

He’s not like the others, he doesn’t treat him like he’s scum like he’s something to pick and prod at. He treats him as if he’s almost human.

Iwaizumi picks up the black light and puts a hand on his shoulder. He can feel Oikawa’s body heat through the spandex. He takes note of its warmth, but he’s not sure why.

He pushes Oikawa back down on the bench hovering the light over the slit in his suit, the numbers appearing like a hidden message.

“07, do you know what the numbers mean?” He asks. Oikawa looks up at him. He nods.

“They represent the year they locked me up.” He says, watching the light reflect off his boots.

“Well, that may be true, but they actually represent your placement. You must have been the seventh person to be interned in the facility.” He says, picking up his clipboard. He looks out at the other soldiers, watching them shuffle to their places among the jets.

“And now there are almost 2,000.” He says, his breath attempting to escape in the wind, but Oikawa captures it before it’s lost.

“Come, it’s time to load up.” he looks down at the clipboard knocking its wood with his knuckle. Oikawa stands and nods, following him through the crowd of soldiers, their eyes peeling away from their thoughts to judge his humanity, to recall the rumors, to listen to their beating hearts.

Iwaizumi’s suit isn’t much different from his own, the black vest around the spandex body suit protects his vital organs, his gun holsters strapped to his thighs, the weapons blending into the black fabric, his thick boots heavy on the ground sending vibrations up to Oikawa’s bare feet.  

It’s not an overnight mission like his first, so he doesn’t have his own containment unit. He’s buckled into his seat in the aircraft, along the walls with the other soldiers, their eyes uncomfortable and lingering on him. Iwaizumi sits next to him. The silence in the space, suffocating.

 

* * *

 

“Where are we going?” Oikawa asks, turning his head in Iwaziumi’s direction. He’s the first to break the silence, piercing it like it’s a balloon, and suddenly it pops.

“You don’t get to ask that question.” A soldier says, his curly dark hair, and sarcastic eyes a sharp contrast to his peremptory tone.

“Matsukawa!” Iwaizumi says, scolding him despite his rank.

“Somewhere in the desert, that’s all I’m allowed to tell you; sorry.” Oikawa nods the silence settling again on their backs.

He listens to the engine, its harsh screaming ringing in his ears, the wrinkle in his forehead deepening as the chaos increases around him. But the silence is still heavy, it’s the world outside the jet, that’s driving him insane.

He throws his head back, letting it thud against the metal frame of the jet. His breathing is heavy, his mental pain becoming physical.

“You wouldn’t happen to have any small objects? Metal perhaps?” He asks, willing to take anything to focus on, to play with while the time passes. Anything to stop the screaming in his mind.

Iwaizumi stares his brow scrunching in thought. He reaches into a pocket on his vest, pulling out a coin the small object providing so much relief Oikawa visibly sighs.

His hands don’t leave his lap as he wraps his mind around the coin, picking it up from Iwaizumi’s hand. He moves it in front of him, flipping and turning it in the air, concentrating on the texture of its energy and how it rubs the edge of his brain. Metal always has a smooth texture when he controls it, like silk, it’s calming to play with. He melts down the metal, turning the coin to liquid splitting it apart and putting it back together as a solid marble. It floats in front of him as he does this, the eyes of the other soldier glued upon the metal, their eyes wide.

“Why do you always do that? Play with things?” Iwaizumi asks recalling his habit of molding his aluminum ball in his room. It’s fascinating to watch him play. Oikawa looks at him, the metal still changing shape in the air.

“My mind is in constant awareness of the world around me, at a much higher frequency than regular humans. So without something to focus on it begins to generalize the energy of everything around it, creating chaos. It’s painful to not be playing with something, to not concentrate on something, be it mentally or physically.”

“Why metal?” Iwaizumi’s question comes without thought. He hadn’t planned on asking it. Oikawa reaches out to the metal orb, cupping it with his hand and spinning it into the air again.

“The texture. Everything I control has a metaphysical texture related to the cosmic energy surrounding it. I can feel it touch my brain, whether it’s smooth, or rough, or sharp. My favorite is metal because it's soft and in a liquid state it feels like running your fingers over the top of water.” His smile flattens.   
“My least favorite is human skin.” He says, the sensation coming alive in his skin, and the metal drops pinging on the floor.

“Human skin?” Iwaizumi tilts his head, asking the question everyone is thinking. Oikawa’s captured the attention of every soldier in the jet.

“When I mentally touch a human,” He scowls.   
“I can feel their energy much stronger than objects because they’re alive. Their texture isn’t like anything else because it’s not really a texture. When I control them it’s their emotions that run over my brain, their fear, their regret, hatred, anger, terror and aggression overwhelming my body.” Oikawa reaches out and lifts the ball back into the air.

“Though nothing is worse than taking over their consciousness. The memories you consume from their brain, and the energy converging with yours so painful it's like having every bone in your body broken in a single pulse. And once you try and leave, you realize you’ve ruptured the connection between their mental reality and their cosmic energy, consuming them so their just an empty shell. And the guilt is debilitating.”

“You can consume another person’s consciousness?” Iwaizumi’s eyes are in shock, his heart racing at the thought of Oikawa’s power.

“Yes, but I’ve only ever done it once; to my father. It nearly killed me.” Oikawa finishes grasping the ball out of the air, the room falling into silence again.

 

* * *

 

Oikawa stays close to Iwaizumi, their small task force consisting of Matsukawa, and two others aside from him and Iwaizumi. The other soldiers were given orders to evacuate the citizens.

The earth stretches out for miles, melting into the darkness of the sky and becoming the stars. Clouds linger above them, beginning to decay into rain as they make their way across the sky. The first drop hits Oikawa on the nose, dripping over his bridge and down his cheek. The sensation isn’t familiar, just a distant memory lost with his childhood, consumed by the pain of survival.

“Get your ass moving Camd” Matsukawa calls his gun draw. Iwaizumi also has his gun drawn, hiding behind a collapsing hut. Oikawa can see a figure in the distance. He can sense it’s heart racing in fear. His hand raises and fires three shots into the sky.

The bullets fly past Matsukawa first, slicing open his shoulder.

Iwaizumi ducks down at the shots, turning in their direction and firing.

Oikawa crouches on the ground pressing his hand to the ground closing his eyes and concentrates on the earth. There are 10 of them, three in front and 6 behind, and then the one who shot the signal.

He feels the change in the air and stands quickly putting his hands out. The bullets stop mid air from both directions and he quickly sends them back to pierce the foreheads of the shooters.

Oikawa listens to their heartbeats collapse, to the soft scream hush into death.

Iwaizumi’s gun fires and the sound of the air parting alerts Oikawa. Iwaizumi rushes forward throwing his gun to the side and reaching for his second sliding on the sand behind a building. He doesn’t see the man before Oikawa does.

“Iwaizumi!” Oikawa shouts.

He reaches out a hand and pushes him back against the wall, the man gasping and fighting with the air to breathe. His lungs are struggling to fill and Oikawa can feel his windpipe collapsing his spine cracking as he squeezes harder and harder, the pain of the man’s emotions filling Oikawa’s skin with needles. His neck snaps and Oikawa releases his body, his neck bruised in the moonlight bent too far backward.

Iwaizumi stands watching, backing away. His breathing heavy in his chest. A figure comes around the corner, into Iwaizumi’s sight. He lifts the gun and fires, the body dropping to the earth with a muffled thud before any bullets are fired back.

Their bodies are soaked, the rain clinging to their skin, diluting the blood of the bodies around them. Oikawa gasps for air, stumbling on the rough ground his feet caked with mud. His heart thrashes in his chest.

“He was out of control”

“It wasn’t a suggestion!”

He can hear their voices, mingling with the hush of the rain. He turns towards them, seeing the fear in Iwaizumi’s eyes before the shock rushing through his body. His breath is sucked back into his lungs but they don’t expand letting the air suffocate him. The electricity spreads like a burning knife slicing down his spine, kissing the nerves with poisoned lips. He collapses in the dirt, his knees breaking his fall, his back arching as he coughs out the pain, vomiting bile into the mud.

His body trembles, his heart beating erratically against his skin, vibrating his whole body.

“STOP, YOU’RE KILLING HIM.”

His eyes aren’t cold, looking into Oikawa’s. His hand grips the edges of the control panel, he had kept it in his pocket, he hadn’t even planned on using it.

Oikawa’s cheek presses to the earth, rough and cold, the taste of blood and dirt on his tongue. His eyes grow too heavy to hold up, and his mind goes empty.

Iwaizumi picks up Oikawa’s body, the control panel heavy in his pocket as he carries him back to the jet. The others don’t question what happened, don’t ask if he’s alive, just stare at his body, strapped to the gurney in the aisle between their seats.

Iwaizumi clenches the fabric of his suit until they land.

Once back on the ground medics take Oikawa to his quarters, checking his vitals on the way.

Iwaizumi presses his hand to Matsukawa’s chest pushing him up against the wall, his back slamming with a dead thud against the wall.  

“If you have a problem with how I treat the camds you can take that up with Sugawara.”

“But as long as I’m Oikawa’s Overseer, I call the shots. Don’t EVER, pull a shit stunt like that again.” Matsukawa’s eyes narrow, but Iwaizumi doesn’t restrain himself, letting his guilt fester and morph into anger, he lets it consume him until he can’t feel anything else.

“Why are you fighting for him?” Matsukawa asks but Iwaizumi doesn’t answer. He pushes off him, blowing air from his nose. He doesn’t have to answer him. But he wonders it himself. He wonders why he’s fighting so hard for one camd, for it. He feels heavier when he reaches the end of the hall, his heart a burden in his chest. The thoughts stream through Iwaizumi’s head like a whisper, growing louder under he can feel their essence in his skin, until he know’s their truth.

_I’m fighting for him... because he’s worth saving._


	5. Because You're Worth Saving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You will no longer Oversee Oikawa’s containment.

The darkness is heavy on Iwaizumi’s chest, crushing him. He can’t sleep. His mind is restless. 

Sugawara’s voice was what woke him. 

_ “You refused to discipline the camd?”  _ _   
_ _ “You refused a direct order from a superior?”  _

His brain was awake now, clinging to the memories. 

_ “You are unfit to do your duty” _

_ “HE’S OUT OF CONTROL” _

_ “You need to learn to listen to your commanders.”  _

_ “PUSH THE BUTTON IWAIZUMI.”  _

_ “You will no longer Oversee Oikawa’s containment.” _

His heart is suffocating him, and he can’t figure out why, burning like something poisonous inside him. He turns on his side, the window in his room blocked off by curtains, removing the stars from the night. 

_ “Why are you fighting for him?”  _ It was Matsukawa’s question, he couldn’t answer out loud, he could barely answer in his own head.

_ “Until further notice, you will act as a trainer, and nothing else.”  _

Trainer, the lowest ranking soldier are trainers. Sparring partners for the Camds, private toys for them to mess with, to let out anger. They also maintain the playpen, cleaning the blood off the mat. 

All because he refused to electrocute Oikawa, because he wasn’t out of control because he saved his life.  

He’s unsure which he’s more upset about, being demoted, or losing Oikawa.

 

* * *

  
  


The shift in energy shocks Oikawa, the pain spreading in his brain as the chaos erupts in his skull. 

He sits up in bed, pressing his palm to his forehead, peering through one eye at the silver-haired monster standing in his room and a soldier lingering behind him. He averts his eyes, looking down at his hands, wiggling his fingers. 

“Oikawa, I’d like you to meet your new Overseer, Matsukawa Issei.” His hands freeze when he hears his words, his heart automatically concluding the worst. 

“Where’s Iwaizumi?” He asks. Why does he care? He’s just another soldier.

The look of his eyes flash through his memory, the regret and sorrow behind their green shields, concealing a heart. 

“Iwaizumi will no longer supervise your containment.” He knows these excuses, they’re the same as when Yachi’s mother stopped coming, stopped attending to his wounds and needs. They had killed her.

Oikawa’s heart stops beating, the blood rushing to his face as he holds back his screams. He doesn’t care. He was just a soldier. He was just another heartless worker who didn’t care if he lived or if he died. Right? 

“Why?” Oikawa asks. Sugawara is surprised at his questions, never having seen him take such a liking to any person other than Yachi.

“I cannot release that information to you. And you should know better than to ask.” He scolds him, his tone growing harsh. 

“Matsukawa will see to your testing and observe training from now on.” He says.

He leaves. The words floating in the air hardening like clay, making their skin tense. 

The door shuts on both of them, the whispers of their untold thoughts giving away their secrets and lies. 

Oikawa looks at the camera, it’s glass reflection thinking before responding to this thoughts. 

“Don’t ask me, I don’t know where the kid went either.” 

“I thought you were supposed to know everything Daichi?” He asks, thankful for his company. 

“I just watch you guys, I don’t watch everything. Sorry.” 

Oikawa smiles a little but lets it fall. A new Overseer, this will be painful. He doesn’t know Matsukawa, but he knows his energy, the hushed darkness with a sour poison around its edge like it’s teasing you with its pain. 

“Matsukawa will be back soon. Apparently, you're booked for Observational Training.” The ceiling says.

“Observational Training?” He whispers to himself. He hasn’t had that since he was 7 or 8 years old when they were trying to learn more about his powers. What could they want him to demonstrate... now... the memories of the jet ride come flooding back to him. He had revealed knowledge of his powers in front of Iwaizumi, but also in front of over 23 other soldiers. His breath becomes short. 

“No...” They can’t make him do this. 

“No... no... no.” He says it, again and again, trying to make the truth go away. 

“Oikawa.” 

He was only talking because he felt secure because Iwaizumi was the one asking. Why had he revealed that,

“Oikawa!”

He had tried so hard to conceal it, to never attempt it again for fear of them finding out, fear of the pain it causes. 

“Oikawa stop!” The camera tells him. He sits down in the corner by the door, clutching his knees. His pillows are thrown off his bed, his metal orb exploded across the floor puncturing the mattress and the glass walls shatter his reflection with the cracks that have spread over their surface, shards falling to the floor revealing their metal under bearing. 

Oikawa struggles to breathe, the air sharp in his lungs being pushed out faster than he can pull it in. The erratic hammering of his heart feels as if to be breaking his rib cage again. 

Time does not move slow enough before Matsukawa opens his door, the airlocks gasping in relief of pressure. 

“What the Fuck?” His boots crunch on broken glass. The broken room, erupting into more chaos as he enters further, Oikawa kicking as he tries to shrink further into the corner, willing his body to disappear, to vanish into nothingness, anything to keep him from Observational Training. The pieces of this shattered orb spin on the floor, rising into the air until they flatten into razors. 

“No. No... no... Please.” Oikawa says. His fingernails bleed into the walls, scraping at the broken glass to try and dig further into it. 

Matsukawa smirks, watching him squirm and plead. He pulls out a control panel pressing down hard on a small button. 

Oikawa’s head hits the glass when the shock wraps around his spinal cord, freeing him of his mental chaos for a mere second before he returns. He feels the blood drip down his neck, slipping under his shirt, staining it. He presses his palms to the ground to get up. 

Matsukawa presses the button again. Oikawa’s brain becomes fractured, his skin prickling with the electricity, his muscles contracting against his will. He doesn’t move. His limbs unable to support his body. 

Matsukawa waves his hand, calling in two other guards. 

“Grab him.” He says. Their hands are cold on his arms, on his burning body as he tries to shake the shock out of his skin but can’t move a centimeter. 

 

* * *

 

Iwaizumi had been trying to forget him. To focus on climbing the ranks again, on earning his title back. 

“Iwaizumi?” Oikawa whispers. His limbs still tremble, recovering from being electrocuted 3 more times, buckling beneath him. 

“No. NO!” He shouts. He turns towards the window, the glass barricade between him and Sugawara. 

“I won’t do it.” He says. His heart trembles, making his body shake with fear, he’s going to vomit, scream, he’s coming apart and he can feel his body collapsing from within. 

“You will,” Matsukawa says. 

“Sugawara wishes to see you consume another person’s consciousness.” 

“It’s fatal, It’ll kill him.” Oikawa screams. He falls to his knees, wiping at the tears washing over his face. He can’t do it. He can’t do it. He can’t look inside him and watch him die. He can’t do that. Not again. 

“NO.” He says. 

“You can and you will.” Sugawara’s voice comes in through a speaker.    
Matsukawa stands in the room, at the edge of the mat watching. 

“You said you did it on your own father, and now you can’t do it on a disobedient soldier?” Matsukawa reveals the collar controller. 

Oikawa collapses on the floor, the shock breaking apart his skin, blood rushing from the wounds. 

“Matsukawa!” Iwaizumi cries.

“Please, stop.” He cries, the pain stabbing his skin and bones, breaking him open. 

“THEN DO IT! TAKE HIS CONSCIOUSNESS!” Matsukawa screams at him, pressing the button as long as possible without killing him. Oikawa shakes on the floor, feeling his organs burst inside of him, choking on the blood as it fills his lungs. 

“STOP!” He spews his words and the blood over the floor, clutching his stomach.

“Matsukawa!” Iwaizumi shouts again. 

“ISSEI YOU'RE KILLING HIM!!” 

Oikawa can feel every drop of blood flooding through his body, the electricity swarming inside him as he consumes its energy, jolting and shaking. Then it stops, his body feels cold with the electricity inside, the voltage running through his skin and mind. 

He presses a palm to the floor, hunching over as he stands. He doesn’t blink as he looks into Matsukawa’s eyes, pulling his attention off of Iwaizumi. He opens his mouth and feels the tension build in his throat, his lungs expanding as he gathers air, before he pushed it out and screams. 

Iwaizumi doubles over, clutching his ears with his hands, pressing as hard as possible to block out the screeching. 

Matsukawa drops the controller, clutching the side of his head but unable to look away from Oikawa’s eyes captured in their mental claws. The screaming stops and Oikawa’s breath is slow, the silence settling in the room like shattered glass. Iwaizumi takes a step closer to Oikawa. 

Matsukawa’s head is thrown back, his body arching backward in the air struggling to breathe. Oikawa can’t see his body, his mind rushing with the images of his past. His parent’s murder, his struggle through high school, middle school bullies, his normal life passing through his brain as Oikawa consumes his history. And then he sees Iwaizumi, in college, the academy. He can feel Matsukawa’s hatred, his burning contempt for Iwaizumi who always one-upped him, was always better. He feels his fear as it’s ripped from his body, his hate, his heart racing in his chest cavity. Oikawa feels his sadness, his weak heartbreaking when his boyfriend leaves him, his anger, his depression, the debilitating desire to not exist as he spirals to the bottom of a bottle. Oikawa feels everything as he takes the life from his body, the blackness of his soul growing inside Matsukawa as he becomes a shell.

“Oikawa!” Iwaizumi’s voice reaches him. 

“Oikawa stop.” He whispers this time. 

“Stop.” His hands clasp Oikawa’s shoulders, the heat radiating through Iwaizumi’s skin. 

“Please, stop.” Oikawa blinks, the memories washing away with his blindness, the burden of the pain overwhelming him as he regains awareness. 

Iwaizumi can feel Oikawa’s breath puff against his mouth, his breathing labored as he collapses. He catches him, holding him up as guards rush for Matsukawa’s body falling from the air, his eyes still open. 

“I’m sorry.” Iwaizumi whispers. He brushes back Oikawa’s hair watching his eyes struggle to find peace in his unconscious body. 

“I’m sorry you’re in so much pain.” He says. A tear crawls over Oikawa’s cheek, dripping onto Iwaizumi’s thumb. 


	6. The Sound of You Screaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa can no longer hear himself scream, but he can still feel the warmth in Iwaizumi's touch.

“I’m sorry you’re in so much pain,” Iwaizumi says his whisper lingering in the air. Oikawa’s head falls to the side, leaning on Iwaizumi’s arm, cradled.

“Pain will be the least of his worries.”

Iwaizumi looks up at Sugawara, his eyes peeled wide, the anger flushing to his cheeks.

“Take him.” He says.

Three guards separate Iwaizumi and Oikawa.

“Hey, no!” Iwaizumi shouts.

They pull his arms behind his back.

“What are you going to do? Stop!” He can’t control the words in his mouth. They grab Oikawa by his underarms, his feet dragging along the ground as they pull him away.

“Take this one to my Office. And don’t leave him unattended.” Sugawara turns away, following Oikawa out the door. Iwaizumi tries to resist the strength of the guards but they press their palms between his shoulder blades weighing him down too much to move.

He stumbles at the guard's side, watching the door Oikawa left through. He can’t look away. His thoughts spinning.

_What’s down that hallway? I haven’t been down that hallway. Oikawa..._

 

* * *

 

His breath echoes, it’s- so- cold, huffing out in small clouds lighting up the darkness in front of his mouth. His clothes are gone, and his skin is too open to the world around it.

His skin is damp around his wrists. There’s metal, digging into his skin, scraping away at the bone as the weight of his body pulls down on them.

He can’t hear their voices, he can’t hear anyone, his heartbeat lonely in the dank chamber.

He opens his mouth, the word _help_ sitting on his tongue but unable to leave. No one will listen, no person will come, only the rusted chains will hear him if he screams.

The air is caught in his throat, his lungs restricted behind his ribs as his arms are pulled upwards. He swallows, the smell of blood too familiar in his nose, the red stains below his hanging toes, dried and soaked into the concrete.

“Help.” He says, his voice small in his throat, the word short, reaching only a few inches in front of him.

He can’t see in this darkness, but he can hear another heart, another breathing body and he shakes his limbs to try and get away. He knows what’s coming, where they’re headed.

“Please...don’t-” He tries but the hiss of his skin overcomes him as the rod brands his skin. He doesn’t hold back his screams, the voice becoming raw quickly. He arches his back away from the spike, away from the hot iron glowing in the darkness.

The whip hurts no less, the crystal tip splitting the skin into clean lines, slicing over the blisters.

His throat is too raw, the skin course and cracking with every gasp, he can’t scream anymore. The silence of pain leaving his lips in labored gasps as he chokes on tears that leak into his mouth.

The blood is pooling at his feet, dripping from his toes. His body feels wet, warm with liquid body heat spreading across his skin.

When there is no skin left on his back, and only open tissue across his legs and butt, the other heartbeat moves to the front.

He brands him on his hip, the skin bursting and hissing in the silence of his pain.

Another imprinted on his left thigh, blood dripping down the front of his leg.

It becomes harder to breath when all he has are screams, his lungs filling with swallowed tears.

“Please, stop.” He pleads again, trying to look into their eyes to find their soul in so much darkness to find any bit of mercy. But, there’s nothing.

“Plea-se, no- more.” He keeps crying because tears are the only thing he has left.

Time passes like it’s racking through his skin, the whip and the iron rod counting the seconds with their marks on his body.

His head falls forward by the end of the first hour, the blood flowing to his toes and out through his wounds. He has no energy to hold his head. His eyes fall close when the pain absorbs his senses but awakens when the whip comes slashing across his cheek, opening the skin under his eye, the stream of blood mixing with the salt of tears, the crying eyes forced to stay open through his agony.   

No one can hear him scream through the hours. No one can hear him cry. No one is listening.

 

* * *

 

He hasn’t moved, his legs stuck to the floor as he waits. His fingers pulling on his hair as he leans over his knees.

Three hours. He’s sat here three hours and Sugawara hasn’t shown up. Three hours and he hasn’t heard where Oikawa is.

“How’s he doing?” The voice is muffled by the wall, the guards discussing Matsukawa’s condition.

“Coma.” They say. The door is ajar, but their voices don’t carry full sentences only broken fragments.

Iwaizumi jumps when the door creaks, his heart hitting the rim of his ribs, drumming with an anxious beat. Suga stands in the doorway, black gloves covering his hands pulled tight all the way up to his elbows, blood dripping from the fingers.

“Sit.” He says.

He peels the rubber from his arms folding them inside out and stuffing them behind the papers in his waste bin.

“You will be re-assigned to Oikawa Tooru, effective immediately,” Sugawara says, scribbling his signature on a few papers.

Iwaizumi doesn’t say anything, the words caught in his throat. When did he get so attached, when did he fall into such a chaotic heart and find warmth.

“There will be no mention of Matsukawa or his scuffle with Oikawa.”

“It never happened, you were never demoted, he was never assigned here.”

“Why are you doing this?” Iwaizumi finally asks, he asks the only question that comes to mind, the oddest question. Sugawara looks up at him, blankly staring through him as if he were glass. He puts down his pen.

“These are not my wishes.” He says.

“There are people above me, these are their demands. I do not question them, I have no place to.” He lips flatten into a thin line, exposing his mental turmoil.

“Return to your duty. I will send word of orders when I have them,” Sugawara returns to his scribbling, blocking out the thoughts with repeated movement.

Iwaizumi bows his head and tries to leave, but Suga’s words stop him at the edge of the door.

“But know this Iwaizumi, if I find any act of treason you will be _dealt_ with, I am in no way showing mercy, I am following orders.” His words bury deep in Iwaizumi’s skin pulling him tight as he walks through the hallway.

How did he get so attached, how did he find beauty in such ugliness of this compound.

How did he fall so far in love with Oikawa, that he can’t seem to hold himself up?

His feet halt in the passage, the words echoing in his brain, their truth a whisper that feathers his heart, spreading warmth through his body.

_In love with Oikawa..._

 

* * *

 

The guards wore gloves to keep the blood off, but they were not gentle. Oikawa did not speak through the hallways, to the people walking past, at their averted eyes, their fingers holding their noses so not to smell the iron swarming the air.

Kuroo is in the hall, Kenma on his back, scars peeking out from under his shirt. Kuroo’s the only one who watches, who stops and stares at Oikawa’s face, at the bruises on his skin still naked and bleeding.

His room is at the far end of the hallway, on the corner. The door opens slowly, everything seeming to move in a lackadaisical manner to exasperate his pain, his blood loss.

They do not lay him on the bed, they do not push him into the room and let him stumble. His body slides along the glass shards, the broken walls fallen from his panic before his Observational Training. He hits the wall, pushing the shards further into his skin ripping open the rapidly healing skin, he bleeds more.

His back is ripped and torn from the tip of the whip, blistered by the heat of the branding rod and now the glass shards puncture down to his muscle protruding from his back. He does not scream, even as the pieces scrape against bone and cut nerves, he does not produce a voice, only a whispered cry, a gasp that leaves his open mouth.

The door closes with no one behind it, the guards leaving him in the puddle of glass. He lets his head fall against the floor.

The glass reflects a faded image of him, and he can see the shine of his eyes, their emptiness before a drop of blood masks it. After so many hours of rushing pain, of writhing under the whip, he feels relief to have silence on his skin, to be motionless on the floor, painless in his nudity.

“Oikawa?” Daichi says from the ceiling, his voice soft.

He watches Oikawa through the screen, his body crumpled against the wall, barely breathing, his skin stained red, blood smeared over burnt skin.

“I’m going to request a medic...” He says reaching for the phone to the medical ward.

“No” Oikawa’s voice squeaks, cracking as the word falls out of him.

“Don’t... please,”  

Daichi moves his hand away from the phone. He can’t let him bleed out, but he doesn’t want a medic.

Daichi picks up the phone, calling the only person he can think of who would come.

“Oikawa needs you.” He says into the receiver, a muffled shuffle replying before the line does dead.  

Daichi can’t help but notice the change in their relationship over the past 2 weeks, as Iwaizumi brought Oikawa meals, allowed him out for training, and sat with Daichi observing him in his spare time, his fascination has grown as they’ve become closer becoming something much deeper than curiosity.

 

* * *

 

Iwaizumi holds his breath outside the door, brushing the handle with his palm, the uncertainty filling him. He can’t hesitate, he let his emotions block his rational. He takes a breath and pushes his weight against the door.

Oikawa lies along the wall, his body torn open and burnt, blood pooling around him. Iwaizumi can’t see his breathing.

“Oikawa,” he says, his knees hitting the ground in front of him, glass ripping up his black pants, Oikawa’s blood seeping through the fabric. His eyes are closed, suffering beneath the surface.

“Oikawa, wake up.” Iwaizumi’s hands hover over his body, afraid to touch him, to feels the chill of his fleeting life. Oikawa’s eyes flicker, a moan escaping between his lips.

“Iwa-” his breath whispers in the air around them, his body waking to the pain.

“Oikawa you need to go to the Medical ward, you need to clean your wounds, if you stay any longer you’ll bleed out and at the very least get infected-”

“No... no please no, don’t take me out of my room, don’t take me out there.” He says, his hands retracting inwards, his body trying to withdraw into itself, into its mind.

“There are drains in the bathroom,” Daichi’s voice comes over the speaker. Iwaizumi nods, his eyes not leaving Oikawa, his hands still unable to touch him.

“Okay, okay, I’m- I’m going to have to pick you up, okay?” Oikawa doesn’t respond, his head tucked in trying to curl into a ball.

Iwaizumi slides his arm under Oikawa’s back.

“No! No.” Oikawa says, his face contorting at the pain. Iwaizumi furrows his eyebrows at Oikawa’s plea but continues to move him. He slides his other arm under his legs, cradling him. Oikawa’s hand twists Iwaizumi’s shirt, his breath hissing pain as Iwaizumi stands.

“Don’t make me leave, don’t make me go out there... please.” Oikawa hides his face in Iwaizumi’s chest.

“Shshshhhh, I'm not taking you out of the room, we’re just going to the bathroom, your bathroom. Right here in the corner.” He walks through the doorway into the tiny box.

“See?” Iwaizumi sets Oikawa on the ground next to the drain.

He stands and looks in the sink. He needs a cup or a bowl of some sort, but all that’s there is Oikawa’s toothbrush.

“Oikawa, Oikawa I need you awake okay?” He says brushing his thumb under his eye.

“I know you’re in an immeasurable amount of pain and your brain can’t focus on anything but I need you to try okay?” Oikawa moans, squinting. He puts some of the pieces of Oikawa’s metal orb in his hand.

“I need you to construct a bowl, something round and hollow okay, that can hold water.” Iwaizumi crouches close to Oikawa’s face, trying to look into his eyes, but unable to see past the blood caked onto his eyelashes.

Oikawa moans in response, looking down at the metal pieces cupping them in his hands. He closes his eyes and pictures it, tries to focus on the curve of the metal.

Iwaizumi watches as the metal pieces collect into a shaken and wavy bowl, but a bowl nonetheless.

“Okay, okay. That’s good.” Iwaizumi takes the bowl from his hands, filling it with water.

“This might shock you.” He whispers and pours the water over Oikawa, the streams falling over his face and body, pulling away the blood from his wounds.

He pours more, and more water over Oikawa, watching the pink mixture of blood and water drain away. As Iwaizumi douses Oikawa, the open wounds begin to show, as he props him up against the wall the shards of glass still protruding from his back, his body reveals more and more of the scars and wounds he’s collected.

Oikawa becomes more aware as he’s bathed.

Iwaizumi uses a wet piece of his own T-shirt as a washcloth to wipe away the crusted blood on Oikawa’s face, cleaning away the tears and pain poisoning his skin’s memory. When Iwaizumi rubs the cloth over his eyes, he pulls away their shade, revealing the deep brown eyes that poor over with a will to disappear, to be consumed by the silence around them.

Iwaizumi sits close, his breath touching Oikawa’s. He wipes at the crust on his mouth, pouring water over his head and rubbing his thumb over his bottom lip.

“Thank you,” Oikawa whispers, his words lonely, and defeated.

He pours another bowl of water over his head, watching it spill over him. Oikawa doesn’t close his eyes but watches him through the kaleidoscope of colors as the water distorts his vision. His body feels so cold, but when Iwaizumi washes away the grime, when he touches his skin with his finger, he feels so much warmer. Oikawa longs for that warmth, for it to swim deep inside him.

When the water stops flowing Oikawa reaches out, cupping Iwaizumi’s cheek with his palm. His arms are still weak, his shoulders broken open and pink, but he’s gained movement in the past hour, Iwaizumi’s given him his feeling back, his warmth.

Oikawa pulls Iwaizumi’s chin the few centimeters closer, brushing his lips with his own. He closes his eyes and then closes the gap between them, letting their breaths mingle until he can no longer feel the ice in his chest until he can breathe with ease.

Iwaizumi doesn’t pull away when he’s kissed but lets their lips fit together, lets his heart race for a moment until reality finds him again until Oikawa pulls away.

Iwaizumi opens his eyes when he feels Oikawa’s absence, watching the glow in his eyes spread a little to his cheeks.

“Sorry,” Oikawa whispers.

His face grows tired again as if the kiss took too much energy to give out, or too much energy to continue.

“I think you should probably rest now. You can finish washing up once you rest.” Iwaizumi places the bowl on the counter above them, rinsing out the bloodied cloth in the sink. He places them together and takes a step towards the door.

“Iwaizumi,” Oikawa says. Iwaizumi turns towards him. Oikawa’s eyes are pleading.

“Could you stay with me?” He asks. Iwaizumi doesn’t hesitate to answer, nodding his head slowly.

He takes a seat next to Oikawa on the floor, leaning his head against the wall, turning it to look at him. Oikawa hunches over, his shoulder pressed to the wall, his hands limp at his side.

“Thank you,” Oikawa whispers, his fingers moving towards Iwaizumi’s taking hold of them.

Iwaizumi watches him, as he drifts to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a timeline of the fic so far, to keep track how time has passed cause I realize now that it's very unclear. 
> 
> Chapter 1: Introduction  
> Chapter 2: (same day) First meeting + surgery  
> Chapter 3: (2 days later) Shower + mission intro  
> Chapter 4: (Same day as 3) Mission + return.  
> Chapter 5: (2 Weeks after ch4) Iwaizumi demoted, Matsukawa incident  
> Chapter 6 : (Same day as ch5) Oikawa in pain. Iwaizumi support.


	7. The Thought of You Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The glass leaves holes in Oikawa's back.

“Oikawa,” Iwaizumi brushes his fingers across his forehead, moving away the damp hair curling in front of his eyes. Oikawa moans, sucking in a sharp breath when he tries to move, and the glass shifts in his back.

“Ahhh.” He cries, his eyes clenching shut.

“Okay, okay, don’t move. You still have glass inside of you.” Iwaizumi shifts to his knees, kneeling in front of Oikawa, holding his body away from the wall.

The blood has been washed away, the open wounds slashed along his back red and inflamed, raw skin showing through.

“Bed,” He whispers, his palm pressing against the wall, trying to put his legs beneath him, but when he weighs them down he collapses, still too weak to move.

“Careful, you’re still very weak,” Iwaizumi says, he holds Oikawa from under his arms, their chests pressed together as Oikawa rests his weight on him. His breathing sharp.

“This is going to hurt again,” He says shifting Oikawa’s body onto his shoulder, sliding his arm around his waist. The sharp edges of the glass scraped against Iwaizumi’s arm, digging into his skin as he supports Oikawa. He walks Oikawa to the bed, sitting him down on its wool blanket.

Oikawa pulls his legs off the ground, pulling them under him hunching over.

“Um... could you maybe, pull them out?” Oikawa asks, looking at his hands clutching his knees.

“You should go to the medic.”

“NO! I’m not leaving the room.” Oikawa, looks up at Iwaizumi, their eyes meeting in a collision of terror and worry as Oikawa’s eyes plead with him.

“But you need to be treated, you need ointment for your burns, bandages for your wounds, and someone to remove the glass.” Iwaizumi’s voice is growing harsh, his worry transforming into frustration.

“Why can’t you just do all that?” Oikawa’s eyes grow bigger, his pupils quivering, the tremble spreading to the rest of his body. Iwaizumi sighs. He doesn't want to hurt him, he doesn’t want to hear him moan or gasp in pain anymore.

“Okay. Let me get some supplies.” He turns towards the door when it opens. The little blonde coming in, hands full.

“Yachi?” Oikawa whispers.

Yachi stands close to the door, watching Oikawa, horror spreading through her skin as it washes away color.

“Tooru,” She says dropping the metal container and all of its contents onto the floor the plate clattering in the silence. She clasps her hand to her mouth, trying to take in a breath but only coming up with swollen screams caught in her throat.

Oikawa tries to cover himself, holds the black and blue bruises on his sides, covering the scars and wounds.

“Please leave,” He whispers. Shame washes over him as he feels her eyes stare.

“I’ll be okay, Iwaizumi will take care of me.” He won’t look her in the eye, avoiding her stunned expression.

She bends down, picking up the scattered medical supplies holding them close to her chest as she sits on the edge of Oikawa’s bed.

“I know,” She says, finally able to control her breath and her words. She puts the platter on the bed. Looking up at Iwaizumi.

“This is the ointment for burns, apply where needed. This plate is to put the glass it, antiseptic for the wounds, bandages, and tweezers for small... pieces of glass.” her words rise and fall as she looks closely at Oikawa’s wounds, the large slashes and blisters cluttered on his back, dripping with pink water still, shards of glass sticking out from the surface.

When she looks at his face, she notices his eyes, lingering on Iwaizumi. His eyes she’s seen so many times in her life, and for the first time, she notices their fullness, something behind them that burns.

Yachi turns and looks at Iwaizumi.

“Iwaizumi can I talk to you in the hallway.” Her voice is flat, cutting through the air of the room. He nods and follows her out, leaving Oikawa on his bed, fiddling with the ointment container.

“Don’t hurt him.” She says once the door locks itself.

“What?” He says, stunned by her words, unsure what she’s saying.

“I’ve known Tooru since he was little, we grew up together, he’s like a brother.” She pauses, but Iwaizumi doesn’t speak. She looks at the door as if to look through it like a window.

“He thinks I don’t know, that my mother was murdered by the organization, that it was my fault. He thinks I stayed here to carry on her legacy but this place doesn’t deserve her legacy.” She takes a breath, her words collecting in the air and in her mind.

“The only reason I stayed here, was for him.” Her eyes look towards him, narrowing.

“And if you hurt him; if you hurt him Iwaizumi, I swear to god I will slaughter you.” She presses a finger to his chest, standing on her toes to look him in the eye.

“Don’t think I haven’t seen the way he looks at you, and the way you look at him. I’m always looking over Tooru. The training, the visits.” She takes a breath, Iwaizumi’s stunned pressed up against the wall as he backs away from her.

“I know you feel something for him. And I can see he does too. So don’t hurt him.”

Iwaizumi nods, his heart pounding in his chest.

“I promise, I’ll take care of him.” He says and sees the relief wash over Yachi’s eyes.

“Good,” She nods, and turns away down the hall, leaving Iwaizumi paralyzed by Oikawa’s door.

“Wait,” He calls after her.

“Don’t you want to help him?” Yachi turns around at the end of the hall, looking back with a painful smile.

“I would, but I’m not the one he needs right now.” She says, and turns her eyes shining as she smiles a little brighter.  

He sighs before opening the door, feeling his heart rate drop as he calms himself.

Oikawa is still sitting on the bed, his eyes half-lidded, looking down at the ointment.

“Here, give me that,” Iwaizumi says, taking the ointment from his hand putting it down with the other stuff.

He takes the scissors from the tray and cuts a strip from the wool blanket, handing it to Oikawa before sitting down behind him.

“Put that in your mouth and bite down on it when you want to scream, this might hurt.” Iwaizumi grips a piece of glass as Oikawa puts the cloth between his teeth bracing himself.

 

* * *

 

The glass leaves holes in Oikawa’s back, slits of open flesh that bleed profusely. Iwaizumi removes his shirt and wipes it up before it soils the blanket they sit on.

The silence that’s absorbed them is thick and heavy in their lungs, their gasps and sighs echoing as Iwaizumi pulls out the last piece, and places it in the metal tray.

Oikawa’s breath is heavy, as he keeps from screaming, his mind starting to clear as the pain lifts slowly.

When the silence fills them again, Oikawa opens his mouth.

“Why were you re-assigned?” He says, the words weighing down on Iwaizumi’s heart. He finishes wiping his hands on the bloodied shirt before answering.

“Matsukawa reported me for not following orders. That day in the field when you were shocked? I wasn’t the one who pressed the button, Matsukawa was.” Iwaizumi lets the words invade the space around them, letting their meaning build.

“I had refused to electrocute you because you weren’t doing anything wrong, he thought you were out of control, but I think he just wanted to hurt you. That’s when he took the control panel from me and did it anyways.”

“I don’t know why he waited so long to report me,” Iwaizumi says, sitting back down on the bed. Oikawa stares at the wall in front of him.

“At least you don’t have to feel guilty about the incident.” Iwaizumi tries to lighten the mood, but the air remains thick. Oikawa doesn’t laugh, the words lingering in his mind.

“It makes no difference, that doesn’t mean he deserves to die.” Oikawa tries to move to the edge of the bed but stops, blood beginning to drip down his back again.

“Matsukawa isn’t dead, Oikawa, he’s only in a coma.” Iwaizumi wipes his back with the shirt.          

“He won’t come out of it, when I enter their brain, a connection is severed, between their consciousness and their awareness. If he does wake up, he won’t be there, he'll be mentally insane, or something worse.” Oikawa’s voice is soft, low in his chest as he remembers the look in his father’s eyes, the disconnection from the world around him.

“How can you be sure?” Iwaizumi asks, unwilling to give into the idea that Oikawa killed Matsukawa.

“Did you ever read my file? Of how I was brought in?” Oikawa asks. Iwaizumi looks at his eyes as he stares over his shoulder.

“Yeah, your mother died and your father went insane didn’t he?” Iwaizumi is unsure of the files truth, unable to trust written words in the facility.

“I killed my mother, by accident.” He says trying not to hold his breath, trying to brace the pain and push through the heaviness of his heart.

“I didn’t have control of my powers and I tipped the refrigerator onto her, my father became clinically depressed after that and was hospitalized after trying to commit suicide. He was heartbroken, and I wanted to fix him.” Oikawa’s chest tightens, sobs trying to break loose through his skin.

“I closed my eyes and...and somehow I entered his mind, I saw all his pain, all his anger and darkness, and...and-and everything, he was broken and I thought I could fix him.” It grows harder to breathe. Iwaizumi sits down in front of Oikawa, forcing him to look at him.

“Hey, you don’t need to tell me this, it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. When I came out of him, he was still conscious, but his eyes were so empty, the brown circles looked gray and hollow like he was dead, but his heart was still beating.” Oikawa looks into Iwaizumi’s eyes, searching for something, but unsure what it is, unsure what he expected to see. He grips tightly onto Iwaizumi’s arms, his nails digging into the thick muscle.

Iwaizumi holds Oikawa’s elbows until he falls forward, his walls collapsing inside of him as he cries, screaming into Iwaizumi’s chest.

“It’s okay, It’s okay,” he says. His fingers tremble against Oikawa’s skin.

 

* * *

 

Daichi watches as Iwaizumi holds Oikawa, his hand pressed to his bloody back, his head bent downwards, lips pressed to Oikawa’s hair, listening to him sob.

They’re growing closer, and as time has passed, they’re relationship has shifted. Daichi clutches his pen, the tip pressed to his notebook, words scratched into the paper.

_Oikawa kisses Iwaizumi. Relationship growing. Possible threat to facility._

He watches Iwaizumi apply the cream to Oikawa’s burns. He looks away.

_Oikawa kisses Iwaizumi. Relationship growing. Possible threat to facility._

The words are his only ones, he stares at them, watching the story in each letter play out in his head as he reads them over and over again.

“Daichi,” Suga says, his head peeking in through the door. Daichi places a hand over the words, blocking Suga’s view of the screen with his head.  

“Don’t forget tomorrow’s report is due.” He says winking as he always does. Daichi nods, smiling the best he can before looking back at the notebook. The door closes. His heart pounds in his ribcage. The log is his alone, but has everyone’s habits in it, every step, except those he weren’t watching.

_Oikawa kisses Iwaizumi. Relationship growing. Possible threat..._

_Oikawa kisses Iwaizumi._

_Relationship growing._

_Kiss. Relationship. Threat._

Everything is recorded, unless he doesn’t see it. He scratches out the words, at the top of the page, and rips it from the book.

 _He didn’t see it._ He tells himself, throwing the balled up page into the waste bin.

 _He didn’t see it._  


	8. Daichi's Log

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daichi's observations.

_ June 12th 5pm: Camd 07 Oikawa Tooru, meets his new Overseer for the first time. Response limited. Pain level seems to be at extreme levels after invasive surgery. Abilities used to heal self.  _

_ June 12th 8pm: Camd 07 Oikawa Tooru, receives daily meal, delivered by Iwaizumi (new Overseer). Oikawa makes attempt on Overseer’s life, shock collar applied, pulse effective. Wounds reopened from shock. Medics requested. Camd stabilized by medics and Overseer. Camd put loses consciousness whilst being treated, left in bed by Overseer.      _

_ June 13th 7am: after reviewing the night recordings, Camd 07 Oikawa Tooru, showed signs of night terrors and abrupt awakenings, sleep minimal. _

_ June 13th 2pm: Camd 07 Oikawa Tooru, no sign of movement, consciousness remains lost.  _

_ June 13th 8pm: Camd 07 Oikawa Tooru, still unconscious. _

_ June 14th 12pm: No change, Isolated, nothing to report.  _

_ June 15th 9am: Camd 07 Oikawa Tooru, Consciousness regained, wounds appear to have been healed. Bandages removed. Requests shower. Yachi sent to accompany.  _

_ June 15th 11pm: Camd 07 Oikawa Tooru, returns from mission unconscious. Shock collar history shows usage on the field. No visual injuries.  _

_ June 16th 8am: Camd 07 Oikawa Tooru, Night recordings show more night terrors and telekinetic episodes. Camera signal disrupted. Camd currently asleep.  _

_ June 16th 3pm: Camd 07 Oikawa Tooru, awakens late, shows no sign of pain. No injuries reported.  _

_ June 16th 5pm: Camd 07 Oikawa Tooru, no movement to report, Oikawa remains motionless on bed, eye closed. No knowledge to report.  _

_ June 17th 10am: Camd 07 Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi retrieves Oikawa from quarters for training. Facility overseen through camera 0332. Trained in traditional boxing, experimentation with Oikawa’s abilities, voluntary involvement. Oikawa does not resist Iwaizumi’s orders.  _

_ June 17th 1pm: Oikawa returns to quarters injured, bloody nose. Iwaizumi attends to him with towel.  _

_ June 17th 2pm: Overseer still in quarters with Camd, conversation, no arguments. Nothing specific to report.  _

_ June 18th 8am: Camd 07 Oikawa Tooru, Scheduled for surgery, organ extraction for study. Iwaizumi Oversees surgery. Oikawa taken to showers by Iwaizumi after replanting of Organs (kidney + Liver). Healing process reported successful, pain minimal.  _

_ June 18th 5pm: Camd 07 Oikawa Tooru, returns to quarters, accompanied by Iwaizumi. _

_ June 19th 8am: No change in position, Camd remains on bed, meditation.  _

_ June 20th 12pm: Position unchanged.  _

_ June 21st 2pm: Camd 07 Oikawa Tooru, retrieved for training by Overseer Iwaizumi.  _

_ June 21st 7pm: Camd 07 Oikawa Tooru, returned to quarters. _

_ June 22nd 8am: Camd 07 Oikawa Tooru, Night recordings show sleep talking but no night terrors. Spoken words: Iwaizumi, left, right kick, ouch.  _

_ June 22nd 10pm: Camd 07 Oikawa Tooru, remains awake, restless.  _

_ June 23rd 8am: Night recordings show lack of sleep, insomnia re-emerging from adolescent years. _

_ June 23rd 10am: Overseer Iwaizumi retrieves Oikawa for ability evaluation. _

_ June 23rd 12pm: Camd 07 Oikawa Tooru, falls asleep in the middle of conversation with Iwaizumi.    _

_ June 24th 10am: Isolated, nothing to report. _

_ June 25th 10am: Isolated, nothing to report. _

_ June 26th 10am: Isolated, nothing to report. _

_ June 27th 10am: Camd 07 Oikawa Tooru, Oikawa retrieved for training. _

_ June 28th 10am: Isolated, nothing to report. _

_ June 29th 10am: Isolated, nothing to report.  _

_ June 30th 10am: Isolated, nothing to report. _

_ July 1st 8am:Camd 07 Oikawa Tooru, assigned new Overseer. _

_ July 1st 8:30am: Camd 07 Oikawa Tooru, loses control of emotional state and telekinetic abilities. Powers growing destructive. Camd retreating to the corner.   _

_ July 1st 9am: Camd 07 Oikawa Tooru, retrieved for Observational Training by new Overseer. _

_ July 1st 5pm: Camd 07 Oikawa Tooru, returned to quarters. Body beaten, wounds still bleeding, survival without intervention minimal.  _

_ July 1st 6pm: Camd 07 Oikawa Tooru, no movement, body remains collapsed on the floor.  _

_ July 1st 6:30pm: Iwaizumi reassigned as Overseer. Attends to Oikawa’s wounds.  _

_ July 1st 10pm: Iwaizumi removes glass from Oikawa’s back. Yachi brings supplies.  _

_ July 1st 12pm: Oikawa rests, Iwaizumi leaves Oikawa’s quarters.  _

_ End Monthly Report. _


	9. The Flash of a Camera, the Pressure of Your Lips

The floor is cold against Oikawa’s skin, the new glass unscratched and clear, reflecting his eye as he stares into them. A day in the training room with Iwaizumi while his room was repaired, new panels placed and glass nailed in.

He lays his head back against the wall, it seems whiter than before, the whole room, an exact replica of what it was before, but more sterile. 

The door gasps open, Yachi’s head peeking in with a smile. Oikawa smiles back, the sight of Yachi brightening the clouds in his mind. She closes the door behind her. 

“Afternoon, Oikawa,” She says, stepping forward, a platter of medical supplies in her hand. 

“Afternoon, Yachi,” He says, watching her as she sits next to him, following her with his eyes, her movements fluid and smooth. 

“How are you?” She asks. She taps on his elbows, signaling for him to put his arms up. She pulls his shirt over his head and sets it on the floor. He crosses his legs, trying to sit up as straight as possible for her to examine him. 

She pulls at the strips of pink bandages, looking beneath them at the wounds. They’re still healing. 

“You’re not healing them?” She asks. She reaches around his torso, untying the ends of the strip and unraveling it from his body. 

“No, If I heal them too quickly they’ll scar.” He says, putting his arms up again. 

“Is Oikawa-san trying to impress someone?” She says, her lips tilting up in a teasing smile. 

He shakes his head, putting his arms down as she finishes with the old gauze. 

“No, I don’t mind scars usually, but I don’t want these scars, I don’t want to see so many and remember how they wiped my naked body. I don’t want that memory.” He says. He pulls his knees up to his chest, setting his chin on his folded arms.

Yachi swallows her worry, her heart aching in her chest as she fidgets with the need to hug him. She blows out a huff of air, pushing away the fear, pushing away the hatred stuck in her stomach. 

“Sit up,” She says, tapping a finger to his spine, making him straighten. 

The moment silences as she applies cream to the burns, the skin raw and leathery, time passing with the motion of her fingers. 

“You seem to be getting along well with Iwaizumi.” She says, glancing up at the back of his head. He nods.

“He’s good and kind.” He says. He tries not to hold his breath, the fresh air of Iwaizumi’s name in his mouth making his muscles relax, his heart breathing in long beats, holding onto the minutes. 

“You two have been getting closer, does he visit often?” She means beside work, because despite all that he’s said, he’s still working. 

“Yeah, but the facility has been putting a lot on him lately, so he hasn’t come by very much, a few times during dinner, and to train when he has time.” Oikawa’s voice is warm, his words floating up into the air like bubbles. 

Yachi watches Oikawa, his lips turned up at the corner, his smile warm for the first time since they were children. 

“Oikawa?” She says, pulling his attention to her. He turns his head looking into her soft eyes. 

“Are you in love with Iwaizumi?” She asks, knowing the answer but wondering if he realizes it himself if he understands the flutter in his heart, understands the warmth spreading through his skin. 

He turns his head, hearing her words but not sure how to speak his own. 

“I’m not sure.” He says, slouching over again. 

“I don’t really know what love feels like.” He rubs his thumbs together, looking at Yachi from the corner of his eye, hoping maybe she’ll know the answer. 

“It’s like you're burning on the inside like everything is trembling and you’re about to fall apart because of it but at the same time you feel stronger.” She says, her eyes losing focus, calling forth images of something distant.

“Have you ever been in love?” He asks, his heart pounding like it wants to scream. 

“Yes, I have, I still am.” She says. 

“With who?” 

“A woman I went to college with.” She says, playing with the top of the ointment jar. 

“Are you still in love?” He asks. He doesn’t look at her, but she sees the flutter in his chest by the way he speaks, soft, the words floating to the tips of his lips like wisps of air.

“Yes.” She says. She fiddles with the ring she wears, and he doesn’t mention how it’s new, and she doesn’t say how it’s on her left hand. 

His words are barely there, catching in his throat as he whispers them to his own heart, his cheeks tinting pink. 

“I think... I am in love.” He says, and holds his breath, counting the beats of his heart as it sings steadily, ringing truth to his words. 

“We kissed, you know.” the words are like sparks of lightning on his tongue the memory coming alive in his mind, spreading warmth through his body. 

Yachi doesn’t respond at first, her eyes glued to the back of Oikawa’s head until he turns and looks at her. 

“I’m sorry... you kissed?” She scoots around and sits in front of him, her eyebrows furrowed. Oikawa nods, his lips tilting a little spreading the blush to his eyes as they grow bashful. 

Yachi sighs, wondering how he ever found such a thing, in such a place as this. 

“How did it feel?” She unravels the gauze bandage, taping it to his skin.

“Like my heart was on fire, and my skin was buzzing.” he says, placing his hands on her shoulders as she continues to wrap the gauze around and around and around, covering him. 

“Has it happened again?” Her eyes slide to the corner, remembering the camera’s presence. 

“No, only the once.” His smile falls. 

“Good.” He looks up, alarm ringing through him. 

“It’s dangerous, that’s all. Getting caught could kill you, both of you even.” She says, and cups his chin and he leans into her palm. 

She continues wrapping his sternum, tying up the ends and taping it down. He stares up at the lights in his room, their brightness reflecting off the walls, blinding him. He feels if he could stare at them long enough the world would turn as bright as them, invading his body and taking control of the dark corners that still linger. The bulbs never flicker, they’re always strong and burning, always bright and blinding, never dim, never tired. Yet he feels tired looking at them. 

He closes his eyes listening to the vibrations of the energy around him, the different pings playing music in with Yachi’s presence, and then something’s different. 

“What’s in your pocket?” he asks opening his eyes and looking down at her lab coat.

She freezes, letting go of the supplies in the tray to reach into her pocket. 

She pulls out a small box. 

“Oikawa, do... do you know what day it is?” She asks, her eyes squinting at the pain of their reality. Oikawa looks at the black box and then at her shaking his head.

“In this room, I’ve lost most perception of time. I barely know when it’s night and when it’s day.” He says. 

She sighs, nodding, trying to fake a smile. She puts the small box in his hands, closing his fingers around it. 

“It’s July 20th.” She says, hoping the day still holds significance in his heart.

She picks up the tray and crouches by his side again. 

She presses her lips to his temple clenching her eyes shut to hold back her tears so they don’t touch his skin, so he doesn’t know her weakness, her worry for him. She pulls away, her lips still hovering close. 

“Happy 23rd birthday, Tooru.” She whispers to him and turns away. 

He opens the black box, the metal shell of the locket reflecting his pain like shattered glass of his soul. He picks up the square locket as the door closes behind Yachi, unclipping the face to peer at its contents.

When he see their faces he doesn’t try to hold back the tears, doesn’t force the memories out of his head. He holds them close, letting the images flash before him like the flash of her new camera that day...

 

_ “Come on Onii-chan, I'm not supposed to even have it here, but I wanted a picture together for my family album.” Yachi sits on the edge of his bed, holding her camera close to her chest.  _

_ “But why?” He asks, lying against his pillow.  _

_ “Because I want you in the album, I want my brother there.”  _

_ “I’m not your brother.” He says, the words paining him.  _

_ “You are to me, you care about me right? You’ll protect me right?” She waits for a response and at first, he doesn’t give one, but after a moment, he lets the words fall out of him.  _

_ “Yes, always.” He sits up, his thirteen-year-old body hurting from his first invasive surgery, unable to heal fast enough. _

_ “Hold up the camera?” He says, scooting closer to her on the bed, his shirt too big for his body.  _

_ She positions the pink camera above them, hanging her arm around his neck, smiling so wide her eyes fall shut, her joy brighter than the lights in his ceiling.  _

_ He smiles without effort, Yachi’s closeness easing his pain enough to feel the joy of surviving, and the hope of tomorrow.  _

_ The flash went off, blinding them.  _

 

The picture is old, and his face was smaller than what he recognizes now, her face cheekier, but her smile the same, valiant, and bold. 

The image is small, shrunken down to fit the capsule. He closes it and clutches it in his palm, the metal heating up in his palm. 

His tears hit the floor again.    __

__

* * *

 

Daichi counts the minutes from when Yachi leaves Oikawa’s room, to when his door slams open, her eyes shattering his collected calm into scrambling surrender. 

“What have you seen?” She asks not leaving the edge of his cave. 

“In the waste bin.” He says. 

She bends down and rummages through the garbage, pulling out a slip of notebook paper, unraveling it. She reads the words between the scratched out marks, steaming before she realizes it’s physical state. 

“You’re not going to report it?” She folds the paper again, tearing it in half, and then tearing it again, and then again, until she can see the small letters written on squares in the pieces, and drops half in the trash and half in her pocket to dispose of in another bin.

“I may be in love with Suga, but I have lines that I do not cross, this is one of them. Whatever’s going to happen because of this will happen eventually, my actions would only catalyze it.” He takes a sip of water from his cup. 

Yachi nods, grunting her approval before turning. 

As she closes the door she takes a breath, calming her racing heart. When she turns she’s met with Iwaizumi’s chest, bouncing backward as they collide. 

“Sorry, Yachi, are you okay?” Iwaizumi says holding her steady. 

“Yeah, sorry.” She says. 

“Are you planning on visiting Oikawa today?” She asks. 

“Picking up his dinner now, I usually sit with him while he eats.” 

“Why?” He finishes, his head tilting. 

“It’s his birthday, and I think he misses you.” she says. 

Iwaizumi nods, stepping to the side for her to pass. 

 

* * *

 

He fiddles with the locket in his fingers, opening and closing it, watching their faces vanish and reappear. 

The door’s air locks interrupt his rhythm, calling his attention away from the gift to Iwaizumi, standing in his doorway. 

“Hi,” He says, letting the door close behind him. 

“Hi,” Oikawa closes his hand around the locket, Yachi’s words wrapping around his brain again. 

“I brought your dinner.” He says. 

He takes a seat on the floor with him, setting the bowl in the small space between them. Oikawa removes the foil on top, stirring the rice and soggy vegetables, picking out a few pieces of meat. 

“How are you feeling?” Iwaizumi was going to wait until he had taken his first bite, but the silence between them and his anxiety of seeing the new gauze pushed the words early.  

Oikawa holds the food close his mouth, nodding.

“I’m fine, it doesn’t hurt anymore. How’s work, they giving you a lot of paperwork?” He asks, taking his first bite, the food slimy and cold in his mouth. 

The atmosphere loosens as Iwaizumi talks, leaning back on his hands, and Oikawa relaxes, leaning against the wall and eating. 

“They keep giving me the same paperwork, they’re trying to keep me busy because they know I have better things to do.” Iwaizumi laughs, shaking his head. Oikawa raises his eyebrows, taking another soggy bite of food. 

“They’ve given me the same form twice in the same week, and they put me on training oversight in the...the... um, playpen.” Iwaizumi tilts his head, squinting his eyes as Oikawa stares at him, their eyes meeting and holding each other there. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Iwaizumi sits up and puts his hand to Oikawa’s forehead. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He doesn’t swat his hand away, savoring Iwaizumi’s touch. 

“I’m just tired, I haven’t been sleeping well lately.” He doesn’t plan on continuing but Iwaizumi doesn’t make any motion to speak, so he keeps talking. 

“The pain is gone, but the wounds are becoming itchy since I’m healing them slowly which is annoying but it’s okay, Yachi comes and sees me a few times a week to change the gauze so at least I get to see her.” 

“You two are close aren’t you.” Iwaizumi finally speaks, leaning forward, his elbow on his knee.

“She’s been my best friend since I was interned, always making sure I smile, always there when I got hurt or when I was in pain, loving me when no one else would. She’s like... she’s...” He looks down at his palm and hands the locket to Iwaizumi open to the picture. 

“She’s my sister. The only family I have.” Iwaizumi looks at the picture, at Oikawa’s small face, less angular, young. Iwaizumi smiles. 

“You were cute when you were young.” He says before he can hold back his words. 

Oikawa’s eyes widen, his heart pounding against his chest threatening to break through. Iwaizumi looks up, his cheeks blooming a bright shade of red.

“Ah um... I ah um... well it’s um...” He huffs out a breath unable to find his words, the red in his skin floating into the tips of his ears. 

“It’s true.” He looks away, holding out the locket by its chain to Oikawa. 

“Thank you.” Oikawa can’t hold in the smile, taking the locket from Iwaizumi, their fingers brushing as it passes. 

He stares at the reflection of the locket, tilting it in the light to catch the glint, before closing his finger around it again. 

The silence absorbs them again as Oikawa continues eating, the clinking of his utensils the only sound that penetrates. 

“So, what better things do you have to do if you weren’t doing paperwork,” Oikawa asks, trying to vanquish the uncomfortable silence. Iwaizumi looks up at him, his face serious, curious as to why he’s asking. Iwaizumi would have thought it would be obvious.  

“I’d be here with you, training.” He smiles softly.

Oikawa looks down at his empty bowl, trying to hide his smile. 

“Oh.” he says and lets the silence fill them again, his heart swimming as he feels Iwaizumi’s eyes on him. 

Iwaizumi picks up the foil, balling it up and putting it in the bowl to the side of them. 

“We’ll be going on a field mission next week, overnight, so you’ll be in your portable unit.” 

Oikawa’s lips fall, the reality of his purpose coming crashing into him like shards of glass. He nods, clutching his ankles, his legs folded like Iwaizumi’s. 

The pain in Oikawa’s face terrifies Iwaizumi, gripping his heart and squeezing it. 

He leans forward over his legs, closer to Oikawa. 

His lips are warm on Oikawa’s forehead, his blush heating up his touch on Oikawa’s skin. Oikawa closes his eyes at his touch, holding back the desire to reach out for more. He pulls the rest of his body closer, eliminating the space where the bowl had sat. He cups Oikawa’s cheek, looking at the fog in his eyes swirl and clear as Oikawa hides in his pain. 

“Is Daichi by the monitor?” He asks, knowing he can see through it, knowing he can tell when he’s being watched and when he’s not. 

“It’s been turned off.” His breath is soft against Iwaizumi’s lips as he comes closer, pressing their lips together, feeling that for once their solitude is completely their own. 

His lips are soft, Iwaizumi’s lips are soft against his own, the taste unfamiliar. His heart is crying when Iwaizumi pulls away, stroking his thumb under Oikawa’s eye. 

“I heard it was your birthday.” The whisper tickles on Oikawa’s skin, his eyes blinking open, unsure how to make any words, so he nods, sitting up on his knees, holding onto Iwaizumi’s waist, pressing his lips again to the warmth of Iwaizumi’s. He breathes in sharply, holding his breath to keep the moment trapped inside of him, the moment that Iwaizumi’s hands holding his neck, the moment when his teeth bite down on Oikawa’s bottom lip and Oikawa opens his mouth letting him come just a bit closer feeling the distance decrease all the same.  

But the moment doesn’t last long enough, his mind dancing with the distraction of Iwaizumi touching him, holding onto his arms, sliding across his back until he feels the energy shift in the room, and their moment is no longer their own.  

He pulls away. Iwaizumi’s breath pushing onto his lips.  

“The camera’s on.” He says hesitating unsure how to move away, how to let go of Iwaizumi. 

He pulls Iwaizumi down to sit, their hands still together. 

“I’m sorry.” Iwaizumi wipes his bottom lip, running his other hand through his hair. 

“I’m sorry,” He repeats, but he squeezes Oikawa’s hand tighter. 

“For what?” Oikawa asks squeezing back. 

“For going too far, for having to hold back, for having to hide, for being the one who’s meant to hurt you.” 

“I don’t want apologies for things you can’t control.” Oikawa tugs on his hand, making him look at him. 

“Just tell me you’ll see me tomorrow, and I’ll be happy.” 


	10. Better Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa and Iwaizumi make their way towards their next mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kinda short, but I felt like I NEEDED to give you guys something like!! It's been what a week???? since I last posted!!! Sorry, I've been lazy and a little busy, but I'll try and put the next chapters out soon!! Enjoy!

“I’ll be up front. If you need anything just talk over the hand radio. Okay?” Iwaizumi’s shoulders are leveled with the floor, his carrier supported off the ground by the truck. Oikawa nods, clutching the radio to his chest, his finger over the button. He’s done this before, though not in years, and last time he wasn’t given a radio, last time he was completely alone. The door creaks as it closes and then it stops. 

“Oh, I almost forgot.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a metal orb about the size of a golf ball. 

“I snagged this for you to focus on.” He tosses it up in the air and it freezes, Oikawa mentally grasping it feeling its texture as he pulls it towards him. 

“Remember, just call on the radio, and I’ll come.” His lips try to curve into a smile, but it’s fake, Iwaizumi’s smiles are always fake when he feels guilty for doing his job.

The door closes and Oikawa is left alone, and Iwaizumi is left with his guilt. He turns away and takes a deep breath. The radio crackles in his hand. He spins around, opening the door before any words can come through the receiver. His eyes are wide. 

Oikawa sits against the wall still, radio clutched to his chest finger frozen over the button. His eyebrow furrows in frustration, his lips pursing in a pout Iwaizumi has never seen before, but he feels his heart jump regardless.

Oikawa shoos him away with his hand, flicking his wrist. Iwaizumi tilts his head but complies, closing the door and locking it. Nothing happens. 

He turns his back to the door when the radio crackles again. This time he waits, holding the radio up to his ear waiting for his voice. 

“Iwaizumi?” It comes over like a giggle, light, and bubbly. 

“Yes?” He responds, lost to his intentions. 

“Hi.” It takes everything in Iwaizumi not to laugh, the energy in his chest overflowing as he bites back his blush in vain, his lips spreading corner to corner in a smile that forces his heart to beat faster. 

“Hi.” He says back. 

Oikawa lays on the cold floor, its chill spreading across his fingers. He holds the radio close to his lips feeling it’s static through the air. He doesn’t feel alone like he used to. And he doesn’t want this feeling to leave him, he wants it to consume him. This comfort, this thought that someone will hear him, that someone will respond when he needs them, that someone will come and see him. It’s a warm feeling. 

The container jolts as the truck begins to move. Oikawa pulls the radio closer, pressing it to his heart to feel the other beating through it, like sounds reminding him. 

He closes his eyes, it’s going to be a long ride. 

 

* * *

 

Iwaizumi sits up, adjusting his body in the seat, stars breaking through the night above them, time passing slowly as they maneuver over the sand dunes of the desert. 

He looks over at Akaashi, his stoic demeanor cracking at the threat of sleep, his eyes sliding together heavily. 

“Status report.” Iwaizumi cracks his neck, stretching his back as much he can in the small space. 

“Um, hour 18 total, no report since hour 12, you fell asleep at the 14th hour.” He says, straightening his posture. 

“Good. You’re tired, let me drive.” Iwaizumi unbuckles his seatbelt. 

“No, I’m fine.” He tries to say, pressing down on the gas a little more to emphasize his lie. 

“Come on, Nightwatchers need sleep too. You’ve been going since we started, I know you guys are trained for lack of sleep but that doesn’t mean you don’t need any.” 

Akaashi pulls the truck to a stop, nodding his head and unbuckling his seatbelt.

They pass each other in front of the truck switching sides. Iwaizumi is about to step up into the driver’s seat when...

“I’m going to check on my Camd.” Akaashi nods, already leaning back in his seat, his eyes sliding shut.

The last time he checked on him over the radio, and he said he was okay, but he needed to see his face, to believe it fully. 

The door whines and protests as he opens it, the movement of it triggering the sensory lights, flooding the room with fluorescent white. 

He blinks at the light and tries to find his face in the blur of white. 

Oikawa is still laying on the ground, his limbs soft and groggy, spread out around him. His chest lifts and falls slowly, his body shifting more when he takes a deeper breath reacting to the light. 

Iwaizumi sighs. He shouldn’t be sleeping on the floor, his bed is literally 5 feet away. He wonders if he fell off, watching him from outside the crate. He sighs again. 

“You’re going to get hurt if you stay down there.” Iwaizumi makes an excuse and heaves himself into the crate standing over Oikawa, shaking his head. 

He moves Oikawa’s arms onto his chest and cradles Oikawa’s body, pulling his legs into his arms. He’s always surprised by how light he feels in his arms, like he could shatter if he held him too tight. 

Iwaizumi lays him down in his bed, setting the radio under his hand. He presses his lips to his temple, letting the touch pull him just a bit further out of sleep. There’s no camera, and for once he’s not holding his breath around Oikawa, trying to hold back every thought, fearing it may be portrayed in his expression. 

He brushes the hair away from his eyes, the long wisps like feather tips in his fingers. For someone so damaged, so beaten by the world, he sure is beautiful. 

It's then that Iwaizumi notices the ball, rotating at Oikawa’s side, the metal object spinning and shaping into different patterns. Oikawa’s eyebrows tighten, his lips moaning in distress, and the orb becomes jagged and sharp, fractiles pulling apart and coming together again like shattered glass.

Iwaizumi brushes his fingers against the back of Oikawa’s hand, shushing him softly. The orb swirls and melts into a liquid, flowing and dancing in the air next to Oikawa. Iwaizumi crouches down, his face leveling with Oikawa’s and the orb, watching it closely. 

He touches Oikawa’s hand again and the orb pops, floating up in little bubbles and popping, mixing together again to create a liquid form. 

“One day. I’ll be able to stay.” Iwaizumi whispers to Oikawa’s sleeping face, brushing his fingers against his cheek again, adoring the way his skin feels under his own. 

He stands up straight, glancing one last time at Oikawa’s face.

“I’ve been gone for too long.” He says and steps away from the bed, stepping down from the crate, and listening to the door as it cries as it closes. 

The orb had stopped spinning, the patterns gone once Iwaizumi spoke, replaced by a face. His sharp features pulled tighter in a scowl, but soft eyes beat through the rough exterior, rough spiky hair softer than it looks. The face shifts from a stern gaze to something lighter, his lips spread wide as he laughed, his eyes shut tight. 

Oikawa turns over in his bed, the face flashing through his mind as the orb takes shape, the image becoming clearer. 

“Iwa...” He whispers.    
The lights go out again. The truck lurches forward.  


	11. Monsters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa's not a monster. But this love is consuming him. He scared of what might happen if he gives in, what might happen if they were caught. He can't take this love.

The soldiers are there before they are, the camp set up among the trees and river. The dessert faded away a few days back, the air shifting from dry heat to moist suffocation as it leeches off their skin. Sandy dunes flattening to muddied forests as they continue to travel closer. 

Oikawa has limited knowledge of the continents, the images from books painted in his mind his only reference, he barely knows what continent they’re on let alone what country. His world consists of glass walls and screaming people, of bleeding wounds and crying hearts. For so long, he’s known nothing else but the pain in his heart, but slowly he’s melting and falling forward into someone else's warmth. 

The light comes on when Iwaizumi opens the door, and Oikawa blinks away the blotchy sight. He coughs out the sand still stuck in his lungs, his throat dry, water limited by the facility. Iwaizumi had given him some of his, but it’s been a day since he last drank. 

No one comes near the door, but Oikawa can hear their whispers. The rumors of Matsukawa’s death far reaching. Iwaizumi comes closer, his hands reaching out but pulling back behind his back when he remembers. They’re not alone. 

Oikawa pulls himself to his feet, his bones creaking, his scars stretching. 

“Come, you can wash up in the river. We need you alert for tonight.” Iwaizumi nods in the direction of the door, leading Oikawa towards the whispering soldiers. 

The earth is cold under Oikawa’s feet, but the air is hot on his skin, making it hard to breathe, the thick oxygen heavy in his lungs. 

They walk until the camp is lost from sight until the eyes of the soldiers don’t linger on Oikawa until their whispers are carried away by the wind. 

“Iwa- water.” Oikawa coughs again, feeling the skin chafe against itself as he pushes out air. Iwaizumi spins around at the sound of his voice, his shoulders relaxing. He nods and reaches for his water bottle, holding it up to Oikawa’s lips. He gulps down the last of the bottle, washing away the heat swarming in his brain, drinking so fast some of it dribbles over the corner of his lips and trails the length of his neck.

Iwaizumi watches him, he watches the water slide over his skin and soaks into the collar of his shirt. His Adam's apple bobs as he takes large gulps, gasps of air leaving him between each swallow. Iwaizumi for a moment regrets watching as it adds to the heat in his body. He swallows his saliva, trying to gain control of himself before he really loses it but almost does when Oikawa’s tongue slides along the edge of his lips, collecting any stray drops of water it can find.    

He hands the water bottle back to Iwaizumi, both trying to catch their breaths in the heat. 

“The... um... river’s this way.” Iwaizumi blinks a few times, trying to focus on the directions. Oikawa stumbles after him. 

 

* * *

 

The water is cool on his body, seeping deeper into his skin the farther he enters the river. 

There’s a rustle in the bushes, and Oikawa shrinks back, ducking his shoulders under the water, staring at the person over the edge of the water. It's a soldier, holding clothing. Oikawa relaxes, just a bit, standing again. Iwaizumi walks up to him. They talk at the edge of the bank, just a few feet away.  

“Tell the captain he’ll be ready to ship in an hour.” Iwaizumi takes Oikawa’s leather suit under his arm, and his clean clothes in his hands. The afternoon was dwindling fast and they needed to be at the village by nightfall. 

The soldier eyes the water, eyeing Oikawa. He’s turned his back towards them, washing his face. His eyes wander over Oikawa’s back, able to see the scars that tarnish his skin, the bruises still painted deep in his muscle and skin. 

“Tch.” the soldier scoffs and Oikawa flinches at the sound. Iwaizumi catches it, having been watching him as well. 

“What?” Iwaizumi asks. His eyes watching from under his brow, glaring. 

“He probably inflicted those on himself.” The soldier's eyes shift to the ground, his upper lips curling in a snarl. 

“You have no right to say that.” Iwaizumi straightens his posture, shadowing over the smaller and lesser ranked. 

“Who says you have the right to deny it?” The soldier lets the words slip, but regrets it once he’s finished the sentence. 

“I do. Because I was the one who cleaned his wounds after they tortured him because I was the one who pulled the glass from his skin and listened to him scream because of what they had done.” Iwaizumi corners him against a tree trunk. 

“That man has endured more pain than you ever will.” He clenches his fist. 

“He has abilities, he’s not a monster.” 

Oikawa listens to the intensity of his words from the water, his heart almost beating fast enough to make ripples in the water. 

“Get lost.” 

The soldier drops his head, staring at the ground as he retreats back to the camp. The silence after he leaves sitting heavily on the water. 

The sound of the water splashing breaks the silence, Oikawa cupping and pouring it over his shoulder. He’s never taken a bath. 

Oikawa watches Iwaizumi from the corner of his eyes, sitting on a rock untying his shoes. He’s tense, defensive on the subject of Oikawa’s pain. Oikawa’s heart aches at the thought of that. 

Iwaizumi reaches over his head and pulls the collar of his shirt, slipping it off. Oikawa looks away with guilt. Someone could be near, could see them, both in the water, completely naked. 

The heat rises in Oikawa’s cheeks, lifting past his ears and wrapping around his neck. The water moves as Iwaizumi enters it, small waves lapping at Oikawa’s hip. He looks over his shoulder. 

Iwaizumi leans against a large rock that sits close to shore, pouring water over his head. Oikawa watches it trickle over Iwaizumi’s skin, find pathways through the curvatures of the muscle on his back. Iwaizumi catches his eye. He looks away, trying to think of what to say. He had been staring. 

“Thank you,” Oikawa says it loud enough so that the hush of the water doesn’t drown it out. 

“For saying that,” he finishes. He stands with his back to Iwaizumi, hiding his blush that still lingers. 

“I only said what was true.” Iwaizumi runs a hand through his damp hair, rubbing the back of his neck. He looks at Oikawa’s back, at the scars and bruises. He remembers his pain, he remembers his screams. He takes a few steps forward. 

“You’re not a monster Oikawa.” The distance between them grows smaller and smaller as Oikawa shifts in his stance. Oikawa doesn’t notice. 

“I feel like one,” Oikawa whispers mostly to himself, sliding his hands along his shoulders. 

“You’re not.” Oikawa freezes, Iwaizumi’s voice pushing air on the tip of his ear.

“You're special, not a monster.” Oikawa spins around at his words, backing away from his body. 

“Please don’t.” The words slip past Oikawa’s lips before he can hold them in. Iwaizumi stands still stunned. 

“Don’t come so close.” 

Iwaizumi’s eyes dull, hurt shading over his face like a ghost.

“It’s just... If someone sees.” 

“It would be an act of treason,” Oikawa whispers the words, willing them with all his soul for them to be the only lie he tells Iwaizumi. But they’re not, and he hates it. Iwaizumi steps forward. 

“I don’t care about treason.” Oikawa steps back deeper into the water. Iwaizumi comes closer cornering Oikawa against the rocks. The water is up to their shoulder, splashing up against their necks, liking at their cheeks.  

“Iwaizumi please.” 

“Listen to me Oikawa,” He cups his cheeks, their bodies pressing closer together. 

“I don’t care what they do to me. If these moments are all I get. I want to enjoy them all I can.” 

Oikawa can feel his heart beat against Iwaizumi’s chest, their breaths leveling as Iwaizumi pulls Oikawa down the few centimeters connecting their lips.

Oikawa holds his breath, his heart just barely fluttering until it explodes, sparking in his chest fireworks that bring heat to his skin and color to his cheeks. 

Iwaizumi’s hands slide down Oikawa’s neck, skipping over the metal collar and ghosting over his shoulders, dipping into the water to press desire into his hips. The tips of Oikawa’s finger rest on Iwaizumi’s chest, touching the bare skin, until he spreads his palms across the muscle, along the bone of his shoulders, and pull deeper into the kiss.

Their hearts keep racing faster, their skin electrifying as they soak in each other's warmth, in each other's closeness. Skin to skin for the first time. 

He could have kept going, devouring Oikawa as they swim. Right there. Right then. Oikawa’s touch refreshing on his body. But he can't. 

Oikawa’s breath escapes him when Iwaizumi pulls away, left in the corner of Iwaizumi’s lips, leaving Oikawa gasping for more. 

Their eyes won’t leave one another. 

“Wh-y ah-” Oikawa’s lips seal, his eyes pleading with Iwaizumi not to stop. He can’t take this. He’s breaking and he can’t take being loved by Iwaizumi, hopelessly. 

He clutches at Iwaizumi’s shoulders, his nails digging into his skin. Iwaizumi feels the skin break, but he doesn’t flinch. Oikawa cries. 

He cries and gasps as he feels his heart collapse, his chest caving in as he bites back screams and implodes with tension. He can’t take it.

“Please. I can’t,” he cries. 

He drops his head, his hair falling over his face, sticking to the tears. 

“Hey, hey. Shhhh. I’m sorry.” Iwaizumi finally responds, pulling Oikawa closer, squeezing him to keep the trembling at bay. Oikawa lets his head drop onto Iwaizumi’s shoulder, pressing his nose to Iwaizumi’s pulse, lets his tears mix with the water on his back and his voice fade away as he presses his lips to his skin. 

The silence is unbearable, until with sigh Oikawa breaks it. 

“We can’t go that far. We can’t love while I’m trapped.” Oikawa whispers the thought he’s hated for so long, the thought of having hope.

“You’re consuming me, Iwaizumi, and I can’t give you everything. But I can’t stop this ache in my chest, festering.”

“You give me enough.” Iwaizumi’s fingers ball into fists against Oikawa’s back. 

“I want you to... I’m... I want... I want you.” Oikawa leans back. He can’t find his words because, he has no idea what he’s saying, what he’s trying to say. So he sighs, he shakes his head looks to the side. He can’t find his words when Iwaizumi’s so close, his fingers brushing his hips. 

“Don’t say sorry.” Oikawa whispers. He hides his eyes behind his hair, to swollen tears still blurring his vision. Iwaizumi nods.

“We can’t love completely,” Oikawa whispers again. 

“I know.” Iwaizumi doesn’t say anything more. Oikawa doesn’t let go of Iwaizumi’s shoulders. 

The water continues to flood closer. Their hearts continue to beat faster. Iwaizumi steps back. 

“We should wash up.” 

“Promise me,” Oikawa speaks up, clutching his hand before Iwaizumi pulls away.

“You'll leave me if they make a threat.”

“Don’t die for me, if I can’t even live for you.” 

Iwaizumi’s eyes are fading, the color mixing with emotions pouring forward as he steps close. 

“Oikawa...”

“Promise!” He shouts. 

“No.” Iwaizumi finds Oikawa's eyes between the strands of hair and stares through the glass windows of his shell. 

“I promise you, I’ll stay. I promise you, I’ll protect you with everything I have. I promise to give you all that I can, I promise to set you free. Oikawa, I promise, I promise I’ll love you with every beat of my heart, but I’ll never promise to give you up. So don’t ever ask me to.” 

Oikawa trembles in his skin, terrified by the words, unsure to cry or feel relief. 

A silence fills them, and then-

“What have we done?” Oikawa whispers. He lets go of Iwaizumi’s hand finger by finger until they’re joined only by their index.

“Fallen in love,” Iwaizumi responds, pulling back on his hand sliding their fingers back into place against each other. 

“Stupidly,” Oikawa says, he scoffs and tries to look away but stops when he meets Iwaizumi’s eyes.

“Yeah. I guess so.” Iwaizumi squeezes Oikawa’s hand and lets it go in the water, the weight of their limbs heavier surrounded by blue. 

“Wash up, and get dressed. We need to be back at camp.” 

Oikawa nods. He can’t find his words, his thoughts are whispers in his head, the vision of Iwaizumi in that moment overwhelming his senses. He hates his love for him, he hates it because it’s dangerous, this love, this love that’s drowning him, that might kill them both, but he can’t help it because it’s also slowly  _ slowly _ setting him free. 


	12. Before He Breaks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally break him when they kill the innocence he finds. Oikawa no long wishes to be broken, he just wants to shatter.

The chopper jolts in the air, knocking their bodies into each other. Oikawa falls into another soldier. 

“Hey, watch it camd.” Tanaka shoves Oikawa back against the wall, keeping his distance across the space. 

“Sorry.” He whispers. He’s not used to not having seats, having to hold onto the ropes before free falling. The wind whipping and thrashing about on their faces, pulling their voices from their lips as any word is spoken.  

“Everyone ready?” Iwaizumi’s voice carries past them as their unit positions itself in twos. He glances at the soldier next to him, his eyes focused on the front. Oikawa does the same, pulling the strap of his parachute tighter around his chest. 

The floor of the jet collapses beneath them, and in an instant, Oikawa can feel his weight.

He can feel every ounce of energy in his body moving and the pull of gravity on it, its struggle to function, to counteract the pull of the earth, he feels his heart beat in his throat, the scream leaves as a whisper and he’s thrust into the wind, the darkness pulling on him. 

The night is no different from the sky, the earth small beneath them, lights of life flickering in and out. From the darkness, the light seems fleeting, and they fall through it, the thick air pulling on their suits, yanking their hair from their heads, almost peeling their skin from their bones. 

Oikawa finds it hard to breathe, and easy to see. He holds still in the seconds before pulling the strap, his arms spread out pushing back on the atmosphere. 

“Chutes!” Iwaizumi’s voice comes in through the earpiece, and the unit pops in unison, the parachutes gasping in the screaming wind. All but one. 

He’s struggling. His pack still, his thoughts not. 

Oikawa reacts before the man can panic, wrapping his thoughts around him and pulling. He falls slowly as if his parachute holds him out. Oikawa puts out his hand, fighting against the wind for control, against gravity. Soon the man joins their pace. 

“Can you hold him the whole way Oikawa?” Oikawa nods at Iwaizumi keeping his hand held outwards towards the falling body. 

They keep falling, weightless on the clouds of the soft darkness. It’s still beneath them, and the earth approaches quickly as they brace their feet for impact. 

Oikawa hits the ground and buckles under his sudden weight. The man he’s holding comes last. Hitting the ground soundlessly, Oikawa releasing him as soon as he feels the man’s feet connect with the earth. 

He unbuckles the straps of the chute, shedding the dead weight off his shoulders, when-

He can’t breathe, the pressure on his esophagus choking back his words and the heat floods into his head. 

“You shit piece camd, you could have killed me!” The soldier shouts in his face. Oikawa squirms under his hand, the chills of his fingers crawling, festering under his skin at the man’s touch. His touch burns. He can’t breathe, the air clogging up his lungs and his brain feels as if it’s expanding, his eyes ready to implode in his skull. 

Oikawa slaps at the man’s shoulders, unable to grip the slippery fabric of the suit, so he pushes with his mind, he pushes him back, peeling back his fingers away from his skin and launches him into the sand. 

He can breathe again, standing and wiping at the irritated skin along the edge of his collar. 

“I- I don’t like my neck to be touched.” He doesn’t say it loudly, but he doesn’t let the man’s eyes wander. He penetrates his ego and squeezes the fear out of him. 

“Cff.” He scoffs, looking away from Oikawa, but doesn’t blink, doesn’t move. 

“Oikawa,” Iwaizumi calls his attention. 

He was going to help him. He could feel the heat of anger rushing to his mind, seeing Oikawa pinned to the sand, coughing. He almost lost control. 

“Let’s go.” He nods in the other direction, away from the tension. 

Oikawa follows his order. He doesn’t look back at the man, forgets his offender, but he doesn’t miss the rage in Iwaizumi’s eyes, deep rooted in him as he stares the soldier down. 

“Scope the town for life, anyone found should be taken into custody.” His voice is strained in his chest. 

“Oikawa, you’ll come with me. The rest of you go in 3’s” 

The soldiers hunch over in mumbles at his conclusion, drifting off into groups, wandering towards the lights in the darkness. 

Oikawa trails after Iwaizumi, stumbling through the sand as they distance themselves from the group, entering the silence.   

 

* * *

 

The town is broken, cracked and brittle on its edges. It seemed to be fading away in the sand, devoured by time in its moments of decay. 

“What happened?” Oikawa asks. His words almost swept away. 

“An attack; the director doesn’t believe it was a human one.” 

They enter a caved building, the concrete wall decorated with spider web cracks from when it shifted in the sand, from when it began to sink. 

They’ve been walking for several minutes, and Iwaizumi’s been quite, and Oikawa silent. The little words that do escape them, hold light in the air. 

“Thank you.” the words slip past Oikawa’s lips. Iwaizumi looks at him quizzically, his eyebrows narrowing.

“For being upset. When that soldier attacked me.” The confusion didn’t leave his eyes, but his lips softened into a grin. 

“You’re thanking me for being angry?” He asks. Oikawa looks away, why doesn’t he ever make any sense. 

“Well, it showed you cared. I saw you wanted to help. But... I can stand for myself sometimes.” He straightens his posture as if he’s declaring the words. 

“But seeing you upset, still reminds me that you still care.” Oikawa’s teeth are chattering, trembling under the ache of his heart and vibrations of his nerves, a pink sunset dusting over his cheeks. 

Iwaizumi approaches him slowly, hovering his hand over Oikawa’s neck. Oikawa tilts his head to the side ready for the warmth to bleed into him from Iwaizumi’s skin, but a thought crosses Iwaizumi’s face and he shifts the hand to his cheek.

“I know you can stand on your own; I know you can protect yourself. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to too.” He whispers the words in the air that surround them, but they only settle on Oikawa.

There’s a silence. As Oikawa reaches his fingers up next to Iwaizumi’s and slides Iwaizumi’s hand onto his neck, resting just above his collar.

“Was that true? What you said? That you don’t like your neck being touched?” Oikawa nods to the question, closing his eyes and tilting his head just enough for Iwaizumi to rest his entire hand on his skin. 

His skin pulsates under Iwaizumi’s pressure, rippling with goosebumps as his heart beats faster and the blood swells in his cheeks. He can barely breathe.  

“Unless it’s by you.” The touch fades as it’s pulled away. 

He opens his eyes when he feels Iwaizumi’s lips on the curve of his throat. It’s chaste and breathtaking, the kiss, removes Oikawa’s ghost as the absence of Iwaizumi’s warmth invades him and he’s left with chilled skin and a racing heart.

Oikawa touches the empty spot. No matter how many times he’s felt it, how many times he’s been left cold with a fever from Iwaizumi’s touch, the feeling is always... intense. 

“You always kiss me.” He says. He doesn’t try to make sense. 

“That’s becaus-” 

The bullet hits Iwaizumi before Oikawa can stop it. 

“Iwaizumi!” He can’t see the shooter. 

“Oi-” Iwaizumi clutches his arm, crouching by the wall breathless. 

Oikawa’s words are inflated in his throat, trapped behind his clenched teeth. 

“I’m okay. It was just a graze.” Iwaizumi presses his back against the wall, sliding up to peer over the edge of the window hole. He holds his shoulder to keep the blood from spilling. 

“Can you sense the shooter?” He asks. The words drown.  

Their eardrums rattle with the shrill of the scream, whoever’s throat cracking as they break the silence of the night with pain. So much pain. 

Oikawa doubles over, clutching his ears. Shaking his head in response to Iwaizumi’s question. 

The sound splits his thoughts and carves the pain into his brain. It keeps coming in waves and sends Oikawa spiraling. He can’t- He can’t- think past it. 

“Oikawa. OIKAWA.” He screams at him. But he can’t hear. 

“TOORU!!” Iwaizumi’s voice is centimeters from Oikawa’s thoughts, but only scrapes the surface of his consciousness. He presses his palm to Oikawa’s cheek, smacking it lightly to get his attention. Once Oikawa opens his eyes he lets it rest on his face.

“Tooru, focus, I need you to focus.” His words finally penetrate the screaming. But then it stops, the air around them returns to silence, but heavier, the syrupy slur of air is heavier than ever, tainted with the sound of terror and agony. 

“It stopped,” Iwaizumi whispers it first, peering over the edge again.

He stands, and Oikawa follows. The silence is threatening and the whispers of shuffling feet spikes their nerves. 

They run between the buildings clinging to the walls and their shadows, following the sound of the soldiers. Their whispers collecting at the center of the town, where the sand has hardened. 

“What the fuck is that?” Their voices only carry once Oikawa is at the corner of a building. 

Iwaizumi and Oikawa approach cautiously to see, Iwaizumi’s gun aimed but trembling on the wounded arm. 

The soldiers quiet when they see Oikawa, nudging elbows and firing glares. He ignores them, and their poisonous expressions are blurred when he sees the young in the sand.

“It’s a baby,” Oikawa whispers, and pulls back on Iwaizumi’s shoulder, moving past him towards the small creature, its eyes glowing blue and green as if touched by the galaxy. 

“He’s so small.” The voices grow louder as Oikawa gets closer, curling his hands around the child and lifting it into his arms. 

He’s small, the baby, he’s small and warm and wet and whimpering in Oikawa’s arms. His skin is painted red, burning with new life as he begins to cry and turn purple. Sand is stuck to his back and Oikawa brushes it off, his hair is dark, almost like Iwaizumi’s, and his face is round and smushed.  

“It’s almost...” Oikawa looks up from his arm at the sand where he found him. 

“It’s almost as if he’s...” There’s blood in the sand, and a few feet away, is a body. She’s young and skinny, her bones thin. Her stomach is ripped open, the skin deflated and torn scars stretched across from the expansion over time. She died of blood loss, she died from forced childbirth. 

“He’s a newborn.” Oikawa nearly chokes on the words, looking away from the messy corpse in the sand. 

He holds the baby to his chest. He can feel its heart beating so faintly against his own, the delicacy of the life held like butterflied in a cage their wings to be plucked off. 

“You killed her,” Oikawa says, and the men take a step back, all but Iwaizumi hesitant. 

“She was shooting.” One of the soldiers speaks out.

“Oikawa...” Iwaizumi puts out his hand, approaching slowly. 

“So you took out the baby? You stole her child? What were you going to do to him?” Oikawa hates the words in his mouth but he can’t bear the idea of them holding him, of them taking him, torturing him. 

He looks at the child, the eyes open already watching Oikawa. If they were glass they would have shattered, the fear in the baby’s eyes reaching to the tips of his eyelashes. He can feel his heart quicken.

The child is special, he can see it in his eyes, he can feel it in the temperature, in the energy of his body. He’s a Camd. 

Oikawa’s heart drops to his stomach. 

Iwaizumi’s closer, touching the tips of his fingers to Oikawa’s arm. Oikawa looks up, the pain of tears at the corners of his eyes only noticeable between them. Iwaizumi steps closer, sliding a finger along the length of the baby’s arm. The skin is soft, almost dry, and very very warm. 

Oikawa shakes his head. 

“No.” the word feels weak in his chest and they break 

“They can’t... he can’t.”  

“They can’t take him,” Oikawa speaks without looking at him, his words only carry to Iwaizumi’s ears. 

“We’ll take him to a nearby town, find him someone there.” Iwaizumi’s decision doesn’t have time to echo in the silence before it’s snuffed out by Oikawa’s scream. 

Their hands cut off his windpipe and break his arms away from the child. The baby screeches and begins to fall but Oikawa mentally catches him in the air, hovering feet above the sand. 

“Knock him out.” A soldier says, pulling the baby from the air by its arm. The baby starts to cry. 

“NO” Oikawa screams jerking his limbs, trying to shake off his captors. 

“NO. NO. DON’T.” the soldier looks at him from the corner of his eye. 

“He’s just a baby.”  

The soldier shakes his head. 

“This thing isn’t a baby. It’s a monster.” Oikawa can’t move, the pain throbbing in the back of his head where the gun butted him. He can’t move towards him, he can’t move towards Iwaizumi held down in the sand. 

“I can recognize a camd when I see one.” 

The baby is crying. His voice is sharp and choking on his new lungs. It stops quickly and is covered by Oikawa’s sobs and Iwaizumi’s threats. 

“Camds aren’t being recruited at the moment.” The soldier’s voice is dull, dragging their hearts through agonizing words like a dull blade. 

He drops the body into the sand. The thud is soft, and the blood bright. 

Oikawa’s eyes close, and his screams die out in his throat. He breaks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COMMENTS AND KUDOS LOVED!!!!!!!!! THANKS FOR READING!!!!
> 
>  
> 
> MY TUMBLR: http://www.paintbrushyy.tumblr.com/


	13. Surrender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa surrenders to his emotions that have been burning for lifetimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: suicide trigger, sexual content.
> 
> there will be a " !!! "as well as a horizontal line before and after the trigger scene and a "###" and horizontal line before and after the sexual content so you may read whichever you wish.

Oikawa’s blood is heavy in his body, and his mind is fogged over with silent thoughts.

He’s dead.

The baby’s dead. 

The thoughts whisper through his mind, over and over again. They fill his heart with a pain that's too familiar. That loss of innocents suffocating him again until the act of breathing cracks the glass encasing his heart. 

His fingers tremble. It spreads through him. 

He can’t push the air from his lungs, he can’t take any in. He can’t feel anything but feels all the pain, all the fear. It’s burning like a molten pit of anguish in his stomach, and it hurts, it keeps burning a hole in him and he keeps waiting for it to burn through, but it never does.

I could have saved him. He didn’t have to die, they didn’t have to kill him. Why didn’t I?” 

“Stop.” Iwaizumi’s voice penetrates Oikawa’s thoughts his presence filling the room and calling all of Oikawa’s attention. 

“Stop blaming yourself. It’s not going to make anything better.”   

Oikawa stays quiet for a moment trying to let the words persuade him. 

“Why didn’t I do anything, though?” Oikawa curls his knees towards him failing to believe in Iwaizumi’s words. Iwaizumi joins him on the ground.  

“I don’t know. But you still shouldn’t blame yourself. It’ll only make you feel worse.” 

Oikawa thinks of the child, the subtle warmth filling his arms when he held him and then the cold air when his heartbeat faded. He feels Iwaizumi’s touch on his cheek before he has a moment to let the emotions swell. 

“You’re not at fault.” His fingers press into his cheek, and his thumb caresses the soft skin under his eye. 

Oikawa nods, understanding him, but still feeling the guilt poison his insides as he considers the secret thought he harbors. 

His whisper is inaudible at first, washed away by a shallow sigh. Iwaizumi tilts his head confused, scooching closer until their knees are touching. 

“What?” He asks. Oikawa lets the air fill his lungs before breathing the thoughts again. They relate to the child, but also to himself; to his past and the course of everything, “what if” his most daunting thought. 

**! !** **!**

* * *

 

 

“Is it better that he’s dead?” his words are foul in his mouth. 

“Because the only other option would have been to intern him.” Oikawa’s voice cracks but he keeps speaking, the thoughts too heavy on his tongue to swallow. 

“Oikawa...” Iwaizumi tries to break through but shuts down as Oikawa continues. 

“To intern him would have killed him on the inside, it would have been unbearable to know that.” 

“He’s freer, from the pain of living such an unbearable life.” 

“Oikawa” 

“No, it’s true, he’s cured of this illness, this pain that swarms us and keeps our hearts beating. He’s free.” 

Oikawa can feel his heart collapsing inside his chest. He blinks back tears the guilt of losing that life transforming into something far darker. 

Iwaizumi pulls him closer, biting down on his lip to keep his own tears at bay. 

“I envy him, Iwaizumi.” 

“Don’t say that!” Iwaizumi presses the words into his shoulder, hiding his face in the crook of Oikawa’s neck. 

“I don’t want to be in pain anymore.”

“Don’t wish for death.” 

“It’s all I have left, Iwaizumi.” Oikawa pushes him away his eyes terrified but angry, exhausted by life and years of suffering. 

“There’s nothing on the outside waiting for me, my family is dead. There’s nothing out there for-” 

“There’s me.” Iwaizumi pushes the words between Oikawa’s thoughts. 

“There’s me; there’s a life with me.”  

“Iwaizumi...” Oikawa whispers his name. The pain of hope swelling in Oikawa’s chest through the shade of doubt as he finds Iwaizumi’s eyes. 

Iwaizumi takes hold of Oikawa’s hand, squeezing the weight of his words into them and hoping Oikawa will believe him. 

“I love you, Oikawa. I love you and I swear I won’t let anything more happen to you. I’ll find away, I’ll find away to take away the pain, the keep you safe. Just don’t leave me.” He lowers his head, listening to his heartbeat, his selfish words stinging his own ears.   

“Please.” 

The silence lasts and swells between them. Oikawa wants to speak but can’t find the voice to. 

Oikawa had lived as if waiting to surrender, but never thought about it as if it would come as if relief would be felt. 

He doesn’t know how to process Iwaizumi’s proposal, his promises, but he feels the difference, the emptiness to his words, the fear in his heart, how the pain is spilling from his lips and all he can think about is a feeling of relief that has never touched him until this man, until Iwaizumi. 

**! !** **! (trigger end)**

* * *

 

 

He tugs on Iwaizumi’s hand. 

“Come closer.” His whisper breaks through in a raspy cry, pulling Iwaizumi’s attention and his eye to meet his own. If this is the relief he’s offered, he’ll more than gladly take it. 

“Come closer and hold me.” He wouldn’t want any other kind, in fact. Iwaizumi may not be a cure, for the pain, but he lightens the darkness whenever he’s there. 

Iwaizumi shuffles closer, wrapping his arms around Oikawa’s shoulders, pressing his palm to the back of Oikawa’s neck. 

Oikawa doesn’t move at first but feels Iwaizumi, and then, his hands move on to Iwaizumi’s back, and his fingers tighten in the fabric of his shirt. Oikawa pulls closer and cries, he lets himself feel shattered and hopes he’ll be able to pick up the pieces when it’s over, hopes he won’t be left with holes. 

The silence is soon filled with mutual sniffling. Iwaizumi nuzzles Oikawa’s neck breathing in his closeness. Oikawa lets his tears dampen Iwaizumi’s shirt until his cheeks are dry until his heart beat’s erratic from Iwaizumi’s embrace instead of fear until he can breathe in again and focus again. Until Oikawa can speak and remembers what Iwaizumi proposed.

“Yes.” Oikawa whispers and his words are muffled by Iwaizumi’s shoulder but reach his ears all the same. 

“I’d like a life with you if I could.” 

Iwaizumi pulls away from Oikawa’s arms, surprise hitting his face like a blooming rose. Iwaizumi doesn’t speak, he can’t find the words in the chaos of emotions. He’s not sure of his actions if it’s the right moment if he’ll be rejected, but for the moment all he does is hope it’s okay. 

He can’t find his words, so he leans forward and presses his lips to Oikawa’s capturing his breath and his shock. It’s still at first and then Iwaizumi pulls away, his apology about to be spoken when the words are taken by Oikawa. 

His hands clutch the front of Iwaizumi’s shirt, the tears coming again, butter and sweet, salting their tongues as they drip past the corner of Oikawa’s lips. The kiss falls apart quickly as Oikawa presses his forehead to Iwaizumi’s and tries not to scream, his mouth opening and his voice at the back of his throat before he just breathes out silence. 

“It hurts wanting you, and knowing I can’t have you fully,” Oikawa says. 

A whistle sings through the air and in Oikawa’s room and calls both of their attention. Iwaizumi shifts lifting Oikawa’s head. He presses his lips to Oikawa’s forehead, letting the pressure heat the skin beneath. 

“I’m sorry, but I have to go.” He whispers, his voice cracking. 

“That was the last notice for dinner, and if I don’t show up...” 

“Someone might come looking.” Oikawa finishes. 

“But I’ll be back. I promise. I’ll always return.” 

Oikawa sits up nodding, feeling his heart weigh down on him again, and ignoring it as he always does. 

“I’m going to shower, today has been... difficult.” Oikawa tries to shrug but still feels stiff. 

“Oh, that reminds me, I found the water tank on your unit, and turned on the hot water when no one was looking.” Iwaizumi’s standing now, his smile bright and warm lingering above Oikawa. 

“I’ve never taken a hot shower.” Oikawa glances away before returning his eyes to Iwaizumi. 

“I thought that might be, remember to turn on both the hot and cold knobs to get warm water.”  Iwaizumi moves towards the door as he speaks, walking backward so not to look away. He bumps the wall and stops, reaching behind him to open to door. 

“I’ll be back in a little bit, once the others are going to bed.”  Oikawa nods, his smile twitching as the door slides shut on Iwaizumi’s voice, and he’s left in silence again in the fluorescent light of his room. 

His cheeks still feel warm, his skin still alive and he wraps his arms around himself, holding onto the feeling as much as he can, wishing it would last forever just this once.

 

*    *    *

 

Iwaizumi makes his way to the meal tent, receiving a plate of food and sitting breathlessly on the ground beside another soldier. 

His thoughts are spinning, worry building and aching in his chest as he chews. He can’t save Oikawa from himself, but he can try and save him from the pain of this world, he’ll find a way, even if only for a night he’ll take it all away until he sees a chance of escape.

He can’t shake this tension, though, the suffocation of his heart as it struggles to beat through his fear. He can’t fathom, losing Oikawa, can’t fathom sanity in hell without his presence. He can’t lose him to this place, to their torture.   

“Hey Iwaizumi, if you're not going to finish that I’ll take it.” a Kyotani says standing above him. Iwaizumi’s been stirring his food for about ten minutes, 5 bites taken and the rest forgotten along with his hunger. He takes another bite and hands the plate off. 

He requests an extra plate for Oikawa and steals an extra bit of Milkbread for him. 

He’s asleep when Iwaizumi opens the door, curled on the floor. Iwaizumi places the plate on the floor next to him. 

He watches him, his eyebrows twitch, and a groan escapes, and Iwaizumi knows it’s the nightmares again. He crouches next to him and brushes his hair to the side, his skin icy and cold. 

Iwaizumi removes the blanket from Oikawa’s bed, laying it over him.

“I’ll check in again in a while before I go to bed like I promised.” He whispers to the air and Oikawa’s occupied thoughts. 

 

*    *    *

 

Oikawa wakes softly to the warmth of the blanket. He doesn’t remember his dream, only the fear that came with it, but still, he wakes up calm.

He allows the blanket to fall, rubs his eyes and spots the food. The plate is cold, it’s been a while, but he eats it. It’s tasteless and cold but filling. 

His mind no longer feels clouded with fear, heavy in his head. He feels awake and loose, almost like he’s been emptied of his anxieties. 

The air is silent, and it makes him wonder where Iwaizumi is. What he meant when he said he wanted a life with him. It’s hard to think of any life outside of the facility, of light filtering through windows, of beds meant for two, of a life with Iwaizumi next to him without worrying who could see them. 

Oikawa doesn’t know anything like that, a life he’s only read about in books, movies, love and sex, they were only ever fictional until he looked into those green eyes. 

Oikawa closes his eyes and pictures Iwaizumi, thinks about the first time he walked into his room, his eyes unable to darken like Iwaizumi intended, still bright with life hidden under thoughts too thick too foggy to read. 

Oikawa leaves his empty plate on the ground where he found it and begins to undress. It’s true, that he’s never taken a warm shower. The facility only runs cold water to the baths in the health ward. 

He turns the knobs as Iwaizumi told him too, hot and then cold, so it doesn’t burn.

He stands naked for a little while watching the water flow, watching the steam rise off the floor and disappear until it’s no longer rising, until the temperature is comfortable, or appears to be. 

The shower head hangs on the wall, exposed to the rest of the room. There’s no curtain, and no bathroom, only a corner. Oikawa steps forward and gasps at the heat, allows it to flow down his neck and over his back like fireworks released on his skin.

# # #

* * *

 

 

Iwaizumi enters with whispered steps and stops when he sees him. Oikawa stands naked under the water, his arms wrapped around himself, eyes closed. 

Iwaizumi closes the door with a slight click but doesn’t call Oikawa’s attention. He takes a few steps forward, tracing the contours of Oikawa’s back with his eyes, blushing at the sight of the water running over it touching it in ways he’s only dreamt of. 

Oikawa notices him when he’s entered the room, opening his eyes and meeting Iwaizumi’s when he does. 

He lets his arms fall from around his own shoulders, and stands completely still. 

Iwaizumi takes another step, takes a breath as if to consider his steps, then takes another under the water. 

Oikawa holds his breath as Iwaizumi comes closer, and releases it when he feels his fingers wrap around his own. The pain begins to swell again in his heart, the nervousness of loving someone and not knowing quite how. The desire creeping up his spine like wet fingers. Oikawa leans forward anyway.

The water is warm on both of their skin, cascading into the spaces between them, weighing down Iwaizumi’s black clothing. 

Iwaizumi’s hand moves to Oikawa’s hip, and Oikawa glances at it, before meeting his gaze again. The water is making it hard to see and so he closes his eyes as Iwaizumi steps forward again. Their breaths mingle and their heartbeats suddenly ring out for each other. Their noses brush and rub against each other their lips just tempting to meet beneath.   

They shouldn’t do this, Oikawa can feel it in his bones, but he can also feel how right he fits against Iwaizumi how alone they are without cameras, how free to let their hearts beat. So when Iwaizumi’s lips finally touch Oikawa’s, he can’t help collapsing into them. Iwaizumi’s hands pull Oikawa’s hips towards him, and Oikawa wraps his arms around Iwaizumi’s neck. He kisses him, holds him tight against his chest and kisses Iwaizumi until he forgets how to breathe. 

Iwaizumi pushes them back, taking steps closer until Oikawa’s body is held up against the wall in Iwaizumi’s arms. Oikawa reaches a hand out and turns off the water before he lets Iwaizumi's tongue slides across his own. Oikawa bites down on Iwaizumi’s bottom lip, just as they flutter open their eyes and find each other dripping and cracked in places neither had realized were chipping before. 

“Love me?” Oikawa whispers, digging his fingers into Iwaizumi’s shoulders, hoping his heartbeat doesn’t give away his need for him. 

Iwaizumi breathes heavily in Oikawa’s ear, positioning his lips just under his lobe. 

“Always.” He pushes the words past his lips as he traces the length of Oikawa’s neck.           

He captures his lips again and pulls up on Oikawa’s legs, lifting him completely off the floor. Oikawa presses against Iwaizumi’s wet clothes, lips tangled and eyes lidded as Iwaizumi carries him to the bed. They come apart on the sheets, and Iwaizumi hovers over him. 

“I’m not sure how... to...” Oikawa’s brow furrows, worry and anxiety spreading throughout his body as a heated blush.  

“I know,” Iwaizumi rubs his palm up Oikawa’s neck, fingering the edge of his collar. 

“I know.”  

Iwaizumi kisses the curve of his jaw, fitting his lips between his chin and his metal collar. Oikawa looks to the side feeling it’s true weight for the first time. He can’t take it off, can’t be fully bare with Iwaizumi. 

“I’m sorry.” He says. Iwaizumi slides his hand down his arm and squeezes Oikawa’s fingers, letting out a breath, his brows furrowing. He takes out the control panel wet from his pants.

“I’m going...I’m going to take it off...” He says. His fingers type a string of number onto the keypad, and the lights on Oikawa’s collar start to flash. 

His eyes widen at Iwaizumi, and he continues his sentence. 

“I wish it were forever, but it’ll have to only be for tonight.” Iwaizumi feels sick having to say the words, having to think of putting that thing back on Oikawa, but Oikawa understands. He nods, and his heart races as the pressure is released along his throat, his skin cold in the new air. He brushes his fingers along the skin, and Iwaizumi slides the collar out from around Oikawa’s neck. He takes in a breath, jagged and sharp like it’s the first in forever. 

Iwaizumi drops the collar onto the floor, the metal thudding in the silence, and for once Oikawa feels naked.  

Oikawa pulls Iwaizumi down; slides his finger into his hair grasping at the damp strands. He swallows every breath Iwaizumi gives between their lips, curves his body into Iwaizumi’s form as his hands slide across Oikawa’s back, the skin slick with water. Iwaizumi feels cold, on top of him sending shivers across Oikawa’s skin. 

He pulls on the collar of Iwiazumi’s shirt, breaking their kiss for the moment until his shirt leaves his body; brushing his lips, and tongue up Iwaizumi’s stomach as he fumbles with the button of his pants, Oikawa sits forward and hears Iwaizumi moan when he leans a hand on Iwaizumi’s erection just before the pants slip away.Oikawa runs his lips up Iwaizumi’s body until he meets his lips at the top pulling him back down to the bed. Iwaizumi’s skin is soft. And Oikawa is finding that he’s in love with its touch.

When his fingers run over Oikawa’s skin, Iwaizumi can feel the kiss of pain in each of Oikawa’s scars, thin lines of tougher, paler skin covering him in a pattern of tragedy. His tongue tastes Oikawa’s kiss, memorizing the sweet scent of his breath and the taste of his pallet. He moves from his lips, to his jaw and to his neck where he finds the new skin, a necklace where the sun never touched, and he’ll be the first to kiss. 

His breaths are hot on Oikawa’s skin as he stares. He moves away until he can see Oikawa’s expression. His eyes flutter open, staring at Iwaizumi, reaching for him to fill his sudden emptiness. Oikawa sits up, Iwaizumi tracing thoughts into Oikawa’s thighs before sliding his hands to his hips and pulling Oikawa onto his lap. Oikawa wraps his arms around Iwaizumi’s shoulders. 

“Iwaizumi?” Oikawa whispers, confused from the halt in their foreplay. Iwaizumi doesn’t meet his eyes, but stars at the scar that stretches across Oikawa’s abdomen.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers back and touches his fingers to Oikawa’s sternum.

“From the surgery from when we met?” Iwaizumi runs his fingers over the scar. Oikawa nods. His arms rest around Iwaziumi’s neck his legs wrapped around his waist.

“What about this one?” He presses his thumb to a smaller scar by Oikawa’s hip.

“Removed a kidney,” He responds. He watches Iwaizumi’s fingers trace magic into his skin, and tries not to shudder at the energy pulsing through him because of it.  

“And these?” Iwaizumi touches the scars along his shoulders, leading up to his neck where his collar was before he removed it, they spiral in patterns along his chest and back. 

“Electrocution scars.” He says swallowing the lump in his throat, feeling the resistance of Iwaizumi’s thumb on his neck.

Iwaizumi presses his forehead to Oikawa’s breathing in his scent. He looks in pain. Oikawa cups Iwaizumi’s cheek. He presses their lips together, and feel’s Iwaizumi tremble. He burns a path across Iwaizumi’s cheeks, to the edge of his jaw.  

“They don’t hurt anymore, Iwaizumi.” He licks the skin on the corner of his jaw, at the junction of his ear and neck.

“But the memories still do.” Iwaizumi responds. Oikawa captures his earlobe in his teeth, Iwaizumi’s breath hitching at the touch. He tugs at it before letting go, and whispers,

“Not if you lick the wounds clean.” his breath tickles Iwaizumi’s ear before he leans away letting his head fall back and Iwaizumi presses his tongue to Oikawa’s Adam's apple, laying Oikawa down on the bed again, tracing the scars with his lips. 

His fingers find their way into Iwaizumi’s hair, pulling him closer as he follows the scars around his neck. His lips burn on Oikawa’s skin and he arches his back into Iwaizumi’s hand as he presses harder, sucking on the skin until it’s pink. He follows the curve of Oikawa until he finds his way back to his lips, and opens his eyes to find lidded and drowning brown eyes look up at him. He leans into his kiss and lets Oikawa’s heat absorb him. Oikawa holding on to him as his body brims with ecstasy. 

Iwaizumi sucks on Oikawa’s lip, sinking his teeth into the skin until Oikawa gasps, his hand squeezing Iwaizumi’s biceps. Iwaizumi hisses, the pain clawing its way through his arm. He pulls away and Oikawa pulls his hand away, his eyes snapping open. The bullet wound. 

“It’s still open.” He whispers, the heat in his chest expanding from Oikawa’s lips. Oikawa stares at the bandage wrapped around it. 

Oikawa pushes back on Iwaizumi’s chest, forcing them to sit up again. He brushes his fingertips to the bandage, watching Iwaizumi’s eyes for permission as he slowly unravels it. He slips the bandage away to the floor, sliding his other hand up Iwaizumi’s thigh. Oikawa licks the wound, kissing along its developing scar. He closes his eyes and focuses on the tissue, willing for it to move, to close. 

He rubs his thumb into Iwaziumi’s hip, moving in circles as his lips trace lines up his arm and under his neck. By the time he’s reached his lips, the wound is covered with new flesh and paled into a scar. He stands on his knees over Iwaizumi, hovering his lips over the soldier’s. Iwaizumi looks up at him and leans back on his hand as he comes closer. Oikawa straddles Iwaizumi’s hips and sits on his lap, pressing their erections together.  

He whispers his needs into Iwaizumi’s lips at first, bobbing his head to the kiss’s rhythm, until he pulls Iwaizumi closer, and breathes his desire down his throat. Oikawa rolls his hips with the kiss, creating friction between their bodies and chaos in their minds. Iwaizumi’s hands slide from Oikawa’s hips to his ass as he pulls Oikawa down harder on to him palming the muscles of his cheek.  

Iwaizumi pulls Oikawa’s legs around his waist and lifts him off the bed their lips breaking apart and gasping until they fall back into the sheets. Oikawa’s lips pull into a smile, his laughter hushed by his lack of breath as Iwaizumi presses his tongue to Oikawa’s chest, moving his ways down. 

Iwaizumi’s hands trace the edges of his hips, fingers pressing blue into the skin. His lips graze the curve of Oikawa’s hip, the bone protruding, sinking his teeth into the flesh. Oikawa gasps, biting down on his bottom lip to keep a moan from escaping, the air in his chest building as he holds his breath. 

His heart feels weightless. Bounding so hard it’s echoing in his ears. His blood is rushing. Oikawa can feel Iwaizumi’s touch everywhere, the energy vibrating through his skin as Iwaizumi’s fingers roam across his stomach, his lips coming closer to the inside of his thigh, his member throbbing as the heat in his stomach rises. 

Iwaizumi’s tongue is wet and cold, leaving moist patches of chills that spread through Oikawa’s bones. Oikawa’s breathing gets heavier, his mind scattering in fragments. 

Iwaizumi takes him into his mouth, and he can’t keep the moan trapped any longer, his eyes clenching shut.  

He’d been able to hold down his powers until now when the vibrations of his skin melted the security of his mind into rugged constellations of emotions. The glass wall cracks, small shards falling to the floor. Oikawa bites down on his lip holding back another, though unsuccessfully as the crack gets bigger.   

Iwaizumi releases him, hovering over Oikawa’s head, his lips breathing into his ear. 

“Shhhhh.” 

“We can’t let them hear us.” His voice heats up his cheek, electricity running through his skin. He can’t look away from Iwaizumi’s eyes, their deep green sea drowning him in their thirst, tempting him with an escape. Oikawa spreads his fingers across Iwaizumi’s cheek, pulling their lips together. He’d gladly drown in Iwaizumi if it’s the one thing he can have, he’d gladly die giving himself to him. 

Iwaizumi’s hands support his back, pulling their chests together. Their hearts beat too chaotically to fall into sync, threatening to break through their cages, threatening to melt into each other.

The heat rising off their skin soaks them. Kisses become sloppier, hands squeeze tighter, fingers dig deeper. Oikawa’s skin is bruised by Iwaizumi’s kisses; blue and purple patches bleed through his skin. Their cheeks are pink, their lips slipping over the sweat soaked skin along jaws and on necks. 

Iwaizumi pushes Oikawa’s shoulders to the mattress, burying his teeth into Oikawa’s neck, the skin breaking just enough to redden and mark. He continues down his chest, teasing Oikawa’s nipples with his tongue leaving trails of blue and pink heat in his wake. 

Oikawa clutches the tattered sheets above his head, pulling them off the corner as he reaches desperately for his sanity that’s slowly steaming off the surface of his skin. 

He gasps at the feeling of Iwaizumi’s finger at his entrance, pushing in, slick with saliva. 

Iwaizumi watches Oikawa’s skin flush as he probes him, his air heavy in his lungs. All he can feel is Oikawa’s closeness, the brush of his lips across every inch of Oikawa’s body, and still every moment he’s hungrier, Iwaizumi’s more desperate for Oikawa’s heat than he’ll ever be able to satisfy.

He bends down trails his tongue from the hilt to the head of Oikawa’s erection, watching Oikawa shudder and contort at the wet touch. He presses his thigh to the mattress to keep him still as he swallows him whole.  

Another finger enters Oikawa, and his eyes clench shut. Iwaizumi can feel his hole loosening, his fingers pushing in and out and scissoring. 

Iwaizumi dips down and licks the space between Oikawa’s navel and his erection, sucking on the scar that marks him, leaving a new mark that claims Oikawa as his, destroying the memory of pain and replacing it with rapture. 

Iwaizumi strokes Oikawa’s leg as he aligns his erection with Oikawa’s hole. He lifts one of his legs and kisses the calf as he presses forward, nudging the entrance. He slides his palm along his thigh and pushes deeper into Oikawa until he cries out, and Iwaizumi stops. Oikawa’s breaths are heavy, and he struggles to grasp his reality. 

“I’m- I’m okay.” He struggles to speak between his gasps, his fingers clutching at the sheets. Iwaizumi tries not to move, letting Oikawa adjust to him.  

“Are you sure?” Iwaizumi asks, and Oikawa nods, his eyes clenched shut, the twinkle of tears at their corners, his brows pinched tight. Oikawa can feel his heart racing. clenches and relaxes trying to find comfort. Iwaizumi does his best to keep still. 

“Yes, yes keep going.” He arches his back as the movement starts again. Iwaizumi starts slowly, pushing all the way in before finding a rhythm. 

He hunches over Oikawa as the thrusts become even and easy, sending electricity into both of them. He laces their fingers together before quickening the pace. 

“Fast...er” Oikawa gasps, his toes digging into the bit of sheets they touch. 

His mouth opens wide with a silent moan, his hand detaching from Iwaizumi’s and hitting the bed with a muffled thump. The thrusts become smoother as they continue, the pain that hit him at first melting into the pleasure that bleeds through him.  

Iwaizumi reaches for Oikawa’s member and strokes him. He breathes in Oikawa gasps as he struggles to keep his eyes open in the surge of pleasure. He’s at his edge and he can feel Oikawa there too. 

“I’m...” His words are nothing but air in Oikawa’s ear. He digs his fingernails into Iwaizumi’s back, his orgasm spilling from him as he’s filled with Iwaizumi’s own warmth.

Iwaizumi pulls out of Oikawa and rolls to his side. Their breathing is tethered to their heartbeats, erratic and loud. Oikawa huffs a laugh. He lets his body feel loose, limp and tired. The laughter in his chest is like butterflies floating past his lips, unable to contain any of the joy bursting from him.

# # # (sex scene over)

* * *

 

 

“Shhh-hh-haha” Iwaizumi tries to shush him, but fails, catching Oikawa’s giggles and tries to hide them in his arm. They muffle their laughter until it subsides until their breathing calms and all that’s left is their smiles and their mess. 

Iwaizumi sits up, grabbing his shirt from off the ground. 

“Don’t leave.” Oikawa sits up faster than he should have, his head rushing with blood. 

“I’m not, I’m not.” Iwaizumi calms him. 

“I’m just cleaning you off.” He presses the still-wet shirt to Oikawa’s chest, the cold sending chills through his skin. He wipes away the cum from his chest. 

“You’re dirtying your shirt.” He points out, raising and eyebrow. Iwaizumi shrugs his shoulders and smiles, his cheeks flushing with pink. 

“I have more.” He says. 

“You know we could just take a shower.” Oikawa squirms under Iwaizumi’s eyes, conscious of how low the wet shirt is going though he’s not sure why considering what they just did. 

“But then we’d have to get out of bed, and I wouldn’t be able to wipe you down.” Iwaizumi’s smile teases Oikawa, grows at the site of his blush and crinkles his eyes.

He keeps wiping at Oikawa’s chest, feeling the beat of his heart beneath his skin and bones. Oikawa sits with his knees up when Iwaizumi finishes with him, cleaning himself with the shirt.  

“Was it good...for you?” The thoughts slip past Oikawa’s lips into words he wishes he hadn’t said, but he doesn’t try to take them back. Iwaizumi runs his hand up Oikawa’s leg. He doesn’t say anything but initiates a kiss, their lips press softly in the hush of their breath.  

“Good, is an understatement,” Iwaizumi says when he pulls away. Oikawa lets himself smile with every fiber of joy he feels, only afraid his cheeks might rip in the process.     

They finish cleaning up, try to hold back their laughter, and eventually fall silent, the lethargy in their bones surfacing as soon as they lay their bodies still on the bed. 

“Were you serious, earlier when you said you wanted a life with me?” Oikawa says without thought, breaking the silence. He turns towards Iwaizumi, their noses brushing as he moves. 

“Yes.” His response is so quick Oikawa finds himself struggling to believe him. 

“Oh,” he says. Oikawa breaks their eye contact, looking down at his hands pressed to Iwaizumi’s chest.

“Oikawa listen.” He lifts Oikawa’s chin, calling his attention.  

“Not everyone can save themselves by themselves.” he says. 

Oikawa nods, still unsure, avoiding his eyes still. Iwaizumi shifts over him, hovering inches from his face, the blankets draping over his shoulders exposing his body to only Oikawa’s eyes. Iwaizumi kisses his nose.

“I’ll protect you when you need me too.” He kisses his lips.

“I’ll hold you when you ask me to.” He kisses his neck. 

“I’ll make love to you, when you want me to,” He dips down further and kisses his chest, feeling the heat of Oikawa’s throbbing heart beneath the skin. 

“I’ll do everything I can to show you I love you until you tell me not to.” Iwaizumi lays the weight of his body across Oikawa’s in an embrace that leaves no gaps between their damp skin. 

“I want a life with you.” He slides to Oikawa’s side, keeping hold of his waist.  

Oikawa turns and wraps himself in Iwaizumi’s arms, absorbing his warmth. 

“Me too.” he says and falls silent except for his breathing echoing in their silent embrace. 

The night passes quickly as Iwaizumi watches Oikawa, tracing the curves of his cheeks with his eyes, until he can no longer see him in the darkness, the sensor light flickering off. He doesn’t want to leave but as the night bleeds on and the day approaches the realization of where they are and who they are, begins to settle on his shoulders.  

“I love you.” He whispers, sliding down under the blankets more. Oikawa sleeps peacefully for the first time Iwaizumi’s seen, leaning against Iwaizumi’s arm pressing the corner of his lips to him. 

Iwaizumi presses his lips to Oikawa’s forehead, drawing it out for as long as he can. Oikawa shifts positions and Iwaizumi quickly moves his arm detaching himself from him. Oikawa settles asleep, and Iwaizumi sits up softly and pulls on his pants still wet. He stands, shirt in hand, but stops when his toes touch something cold and metal. He looks down at the collar, lights blinking and lock open. He picks it up, and sits back on the bed, and looks behind him. He had forgotten about it. 

He touches Oikawa’s cheek, hating himself as he does. Oikawa presses into his touch, moaning as his eyes flutter open. The lights have come back on and he lifts his arm to shield his eyes from the fluorescent sun. 

“Iwaizumi?” 

“Hey, I’m sorry I had to wake you.” He says. Oikawa sits up in the sheets. Iwaizumi watches him. 

“I’m... I’m so sorry I had to wake you.” He doesn’t want to do this, after what they’ve just done, what they’ve said, what he’s felt. He holds the collar in his lap fiddling with it. He doesn’t want to look Oikawa in the eyes, so he doesn’t. 

Oikawa sees the collar the minute he sits up, and then he sees the pain in Iwaizumi’s face. He reaches over and takes the collar from Iwaizumi, letting his fingers linger on Iwaizumi’s before pulling away. 

“It’s okay.” He looks Iwaizumi in the eyes, and tries have as soft a look he can manage, but Iwaizumi can see the hurt behind the brown light. Oikawa puts the collar in place around his neck and turns as Iwaizumi holds down the lock. Iwaizumi pulls out the control pad again, and types in a password, hearing the lock fold and stabilize the collar. Oikawa sucks in a breath, the collar snug around him. He touches his fingers to it, the familiar chill of the metal pulsing through him. Iwaizumi stands.  

“Are you leaving?” Oikawa looks up, hands clutching the sheets as he leans forward just slightly. 

“Yeah,” He whispers, and steps back to the side of the bed. 

“I wish I could stay the whole night, but...” 

“You can’t risk being seen in the morning... I understand.” Oikawa nods, smiling at Iwaizumi’s touch to his cheek. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He doesn’t have to promise because both of them know it’s true. Oikawa nods. Their finger’s stay laced together until Iwaizumi walks away and Oikawa’s hand falls back to his side. 

The door shuts with a silent click, the lock bolting in shut. 

Oikawa lays back and sighs, closing his eyes, and waiting, waiting until the lights turn out and he disappears into his dreams again. 

He dreams of Iwaizumi’s touch, and for the first time in a while, he smiles in his sleep, breathing in synch to his heartbeat. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm am so sorry this has taken so long to update. I have been so busy but I've worked on it slowly and now it's done!!! my friend even read it and gave it the O.K.!!!! 
> 
> For anyone who didn't read the suicide scare scene: don't worry Oikawa didn't attempt only brought to light his thoughts on the topic. Oikawa and Iwaizumi talked it out though and convinced him otherwise and Iwaizumi proclaimed his love for Oikawa and stated that he wants a life with Oikawa outside of the facility, and promised to protect him and make it happen. 
> 
> For those who didn't read the sex scene: Well sex happened, and Oikawa realized how in love he really was with Iwaizumi, and Iwaizumi felt bad about all of Oikawa's scars, and Oikawa showed Iwaizumi how he can also heal others if he desired to. (*cough* foreshadowing *cough* excuse me) 
> 
>  
> 
> THANK'S FOR READING!!! OMG THIS IS MY FIRST REAL SMUT I GUESS!!!!!!! 
> 
>  
> 
> DON'T FORGET TO LEAVED KUDOS AND COMMENTS!!!!!
> 
>  
> 
> TUMBLR: http://paintbrushyy.tumblr.com/


	14. Two Halves of A Caring Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi, is more than Iwaizumi knows, and Oikawa is the medium between two hearts shattered by hate.

_“Hahaha”_

_“Hahaha Iwa-chan stop”_

_“Haha”_

_White sheets in bright sunbeams. He can feel their warmth._

_“Hahaha, Iwa-chaaan”_

_“I’m not going to stop until you say it...”_

_Light fingers, smooth. He’s naked. They both are._

_“Hahaha”_

_His cheeks hurt. His sides hurt. It’s hard to breathe._

_“Say it Tooru...”_

_He writhes among the bedsheets. He tries to evade his finger._

_“Okay Okay... I love you...”_

_“And?”_ _  
_ _“Iwa-chan’s the bestest.”_

_“Hahaha”_

_His eyes are soft. His lips softer._

_“I love you too.”_

_“Oikawa?”_

_“Oik_ awa?”

 _“_ Oikawa.”

“Tooru, wake up...”

“HHHhhuu-” His eyes are green, watching him.

“Morning...” Iwaizumi speaks with an amusing smile. Oikawa’s head is heavy with sleep for the first time. His muscles ache as he moves and the energy of last night still feels as though it were vibrating through him.

“Iwa-chan?” Oikawa mumbles through his lips, stuck together still and loose with sleep. Iwaizumi opens his mouth to respond to the slurred words.

“Iwaizumi” Akaashi's voice comes from behind him, and Iwaizumi’s words remain in his throat.

“We’re ready to move, the rest have already taken off.” Akaashi’s words resonate in Oikawa’s stomach, scorching through him as he sits up, fully awake.

“We’re going back?” He asks, his heart feels stuck in his throat like it’s swollen and burning against his lungs making it hard to breathe. His limbs feel detached, heat rising to the surface and fear licking the bone under his skin. Iwaizumi doesn’t respond in words, only bows his head and nods.

“You're food is over there.” Iwaizumi’s voice sounds dull but tragic. Oikawa stares at Akaashi, his peaceful eyes bewitched with a tint of darkness that makes Oikawa’s hairs stand on end.

“We’ll arrive at the facility in approximately 4 days. I’ve already been informed that you will...” Iwaizumi cuts off his own words and Oikawa can see him struggle to keep his composure, to keep his voice even and indifferent.

“You will be taken for testing upon our arrival.” He pushes out the words and then off the bed, standing as stiff as possible.

Iwaizumi’s lips open then close. He wants to apologize, Oikawa can see it. He always wants to apologize. But he doesn’t. Because Akaashi is standing in the doorway still. He’s watching them and their hearts are racing out of fear like speeding trains and Oikawa’s on the verge of tears because after tasting love like it’s a cure he feels ill to be pretending like they’re enemies.

Iwaizumi places the radio in Oikawa’s hands, lets his fingers linger before retreating again.  

“We will be stopping to buy supplies, later on today; you will accompany us into the market.” Iwaizumi speaks as he turns leaving his words floating in the air. Akaashi lets him pass through the doorway but lingers a bit himself.

Their eyes hold each other, trying to read the other’s thoughts as if either could. Akaashi’s eyebrows bend forward a bit before he looks away, the indifference in his eyes faltering just slightly before readjusting. He turns away and locks the door closing off the light of the outside, the fluorescents on the ceiling buzzing in the still lingering awkwardness.

Oikawa bends his head forward on his knees and cries. He cries because the terror hurts his body and mutates his soreness into unstable anxiety that trembles through every limb. Because he can’t fathom the thought of having to live like he hates what he loves most. It’s occurred to him that he can’t live without feeling the pain of oppressive hearts and invasive hands without choking on secrets and emotions, on his own love. But he can’t die either, he can’t choose death if the possibility of life still exists, of a light outside his metal cage.

The lights turn out after moments of stillness, an Oikawa doesn’t move to turn them on. He remains in the darkness as his crate lurches forward and suddenly the air in his lungs is like broken shards of ice, burning through his lungs. The fear keeps coming back, and he just can’t seem to swallow it.

 

* * *

 

Iwaizumi can’t seem to pull himself out of his head. He could do it before, he could bury his emotions in order to survive, to protect Oikawa, but suddenly it's like his heart is made of paper and he can't hide the words written on the inside.

He shifts the truck into gear and gas the pedal and the truck jerks forward and rolls. Akaashi opens the passenger door, and Iwaizumi clutches the radio to his thigh, waiting for it to crackle, to break and to hear his voice from the other side. But nothing comes, he’s silent and alone and Iwaizumi wants to go back and kiss him, hold him in his arms and feel the rush of his heart beat beneath his skin.

“You don’t have to pretend you know, around me.” Akaashi’s words are thick and dull in Iwaizumi’s clustered thoughts, but he hears him and glances.

“Pretend what?” He asks.

“Like you don’t care.” Iwaizumi almost chokes on the breath in his throat, his heart falling to his stomach.

“What do you mean? Care about what?” He tries to keeps his heart in check, the fear rising on the surface of his skin.

“For Oikawa. You care about him, more than normal too.”

“Stop.” Iwaizumi commands Akaashi and he complies. The truck is stagnant in its habitual routine of air and radio static and neither dare to disturb it.

Iwaizumi racks his brain for a response to Akaashi’s assumption but comes up dry. Denial would only make it more obvious, but can he really trust Akaashi with this?  

“When you give half your heart to someone, you learn to recognize those who have two halves as well.” Akaashi doesn’t look at Iwaizumi directly but glances through the mirror between them.

Iwaizumi opens his lips to speak, only pausing a breath to consider before asking.

“How.” He hadn’t realized but he had stopped pressing on the gas pedal some moments ago, the truck no longer moving.

Akaashi takes a breath to speak, then.

“KSHHHHZHKK" The radio. 

"IWAAAA AHHHH” Oikawa’s scream over the radio breaks the silence before anything else can, rattling the two with tension in their muscles.

“Oikawa?” Iwaizumi doesn’t even bother to pick up the radio, but fumbles to grasp the door handle of the car yanking it open and leaping from the truck’s height.

He reaches the back of the unit before Akaashi follows, swiping the key and opening the container to a screaming and wailing Oikawa.

He’s on the floor, his head pressed between his palms, eye clenched shut.

“Oikawa.” Iwaizumi leaps onto the platform and fumbles on his feet to Oikawa’s side.

“Ahhhhh Ah.” Oikawa takes Iwaizumi’s hand when it’s offered and opens his eyes, their usual brown flashing almost gold intensity, his face flushed with pain.

“Bo...”

“Akaa... Ahhhh.” He falls over again. Iwaizumi tries to support him but can’t get him to his feet.

Oikawa’s head swarms with heat and sharp pangs of intrusive thought.

 _“Akaashi... let me in, let me in please I mean no harm, please, I need to talk to Akaashi.”_ The voice echoes in Oikawa’s mind, in a voice unfamiliar to and divergent from his own.

“Who is this?” Oikawa says out loud and Iwaizumi stops, looking up at him in horror. Oikawa blinks trying to see but his eyes don’t seem to be functioning properly, the white room fuzzing in and out as blurs of orange and brown.

 _“I have a message for Akaashi, can you tell him.”_ The voice comes through again but Oikawa can barely focus on his words over the soaring pain in every nerve ending popping through his brain.

“Bed... sit me on the bed.” Oikawa breathes and reaches out blinding towards Iwaizumi cupping his cheek and vainly trying to look at him. Iwaizumi nods and lifts Oikawa in his arms, his head still clutched in his hands.

“Akaa...Ahh. Akaashi...” Akaashi perks up at the mention of his name, and at its place on Oikawa’s lips who had never been told his identity before now. He crawls onto the flooring of the crate suspended over the sand and approaches Oikawa’s bed.

Oikawa holds onto his hair pulling at the strands.

He listens to the voices story, trying to ignore the pain and the muffled questions coming from Iwaizumi. They’re all there for minutes speaking and ignoring until they fall silent in waiting.

 _“Please, just tell him I’m alive at the very least. Tell him I’m here and tell him I still love him.”_ Oikawa agrees to the voice to try and speak over his thoughts and pounding drums in his temples.

“Akaashi.” It hurts to speak, the simple action of thinking so overwhelming and painful Oikawa presses fingers to his temples again. Akaashi stands next to the bed, he straightens when his name is called.

“Bokuto.” Oikawa sees Akaashi react, feels his very energy shift into something chaotic and burning like he’s come to life at the sound of the name.

“He’s alive.” and then he erupts, Oikawa feeling his energy swarm the room as he loses control of his demeanor his emotions spilling into the air. Akaashi in the moment is suddenly filled with fire.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know it's been forever and this chapter is so short (at least shorter than normal) and I was gonna add more but like I kinda liked how it ends and feel guilty for being lazy. I'M SORRY!!!!!!!!!! anyway just take this, hope you enjoyed it!! I'll start on the next chapter right now!!! and thanks so much for being patient and waiting!!! 
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	15. The New Face: Bokuto’s Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi and Oikawa both encounter their pasts in the chaos of the desert market.

It took approximately 5 seconds for Akaashi to respond to Oikawa. For the questions to start spilling from his lips and for Oikawa to buckle over in pain. 

The pressure in his head still overwhelming with swarms of thoughts he can’t control. 

_ “Just tell him I love him. That I’ll find him.”  _

Oikawa prepares to speak, to ask where he is but the one called Bokuto is gone, and in an instant, his thoughts are alone again and his mind is no longer in agony but exhausted. 

Akaashi stops spitting questions when he sees Oikawa fall back into Iwaizumi’s lap, his eyes shutting with an exhausted sigh. 

“What was that?” Iwaizumi holds tight onto Oikawa's arms, brushing the hair now clinging to his forehead.

“Telecommunication. It’s a skill telekinetic being can use to communicate, though it’s very painful if you’re untrained.” Oikawa speaks from memory, from the books he read a child, and the master he knew as a child. 

“Akaashi. Who is Bokuto?” 

Oikawa poses the question first, the name familiar but only of a bell, no face appears.

“Bokuto was my Camd.” 

 

* * *

 

They sit on Oikawa’s bed as Akaashi tells them their story. 

Oikawa watches the shine in his eyes glow and his fingers fumble with the blankets in his reach. 

Even though Akaashi speaks, the room holds and aura of immense silence like life itself was holding its breath to hear Akaashi and Bokuto’s story. He speaks slowly, the memories seeming to be painful and overwhelming to recall.   

“Bokuto was a Camd.” Akaashi’s eyes look sad but familiar. Oikawa recognizes them as the sorrowful glass he’ll see in Iwaizumi when he looks at him with guilt. 

“He was brought in from a village that resided in the mountains. His ability was something...unique.” 

“toxins in his blood and lethal to the touch.” 

Akaashi talks about how he was kept in a room in a tower, and very rarely let out. 

“His number was 2,” Akaashi tells them. Oikawa instinctively presses a hand to his arm, on the invisible number tattooed on his shoulder. 

“He was silent when we first met, brooding and depressive, but a few months and he was warmer.” Akaashi’s voice flows out like a song. 

“Within a year, we became close, I knew it was against protocol, but I wasn’t born without a heart. I hated seeing him in pain, amazed by his strength and knowledge, how he cared for others even though no one did about him.” 

Oikawa feels Iwaizumi’s fingers wrap around his, the story familiar to both of them because it reminds them of their own, the love they forged through the pain they endured. 

“your story is not the first in the facilities history, but none of the other’s are known. Many overseers will become involved with their camds, be it out of hatred and force, or boredom. But few actually fall in love, the infection of hatred and prejudice injected in them from the beginning of their training and hardened in their blood.”

“Bokuto amazed me, and we were both foolish enough to think they wouldn’t find out. But they did.” 

Iwaizumi’s grip on Oikawa’s hand stiffens, their fears resurfacing. 

“We lasted 4 years before they took him.” 

“They locked him in a room and tortured him until his screams were written on the walls of the facility. Days, he was missing, and I was frantic.” Akaashi’s knuckles turn white, his fists clutching and nails digging into his palms.

“Then one day alarms went off.” He pauses, struggling to control his breathing. It’s so completely foreign from the Akaashi Iwaizumi is used to, from the Akaashi Oikawa observed that they’re taken back. 

“I found my way to that god awful room and saw him laying there, heard the gunshots and saw the blood. I couldn’t take it and so I ran.” 

“I never thought that it was possible that he could have escaped.” 

“I resigned from Overseeing and became a Nightwatcher.”

“You were wrong, though, Bokuto’s alive,” Oikawa says, a sheepish smile tipping his lips.

“No.” Oikawa’s smile falls.

“I won’t believe that until I see him. If that really was Bokuto, he’ll find us, and then I’ll believe he’s still alive. When I’m holding him in my arms.” 

Akaashi gets up off Oikawa’s bed, standing firmly and without hesitation turning towards the door. 

“We should keep moving, we need to stock up on supplies before we start towards the final launch pad.” He says it over his shoulder before he jumps from the platform with a muffled thud.  

When he disappears around the corner Iwaizumi turn to say something to Oikawa, to brighten him but stops. Oikawa doesn’t look up at him but at their hands. 

He runs his thumbs over Iwaizumi’s hand clutched between both of his. Iwaizumi wants to tell him, reassure him that they’ll make it, that he’ll find a way to get them both out but he can’t bring himself to say it. He can’t bring himself to say it because he’s not sure if he believes it himself and won't bring himself to lie to Oikawa, not even with joys. So Iwaizumi stays silent, comfortably watching Oikawa caress his hand. 

“I love you,” Oikawa whispers the words almost to himself, squeezing Iwaizumi’s hand. 

He finally looks up and smiles, knowing Iwaizumi heard him. 

“I trust you. We’ll survive, I... I believe in us.” Oikawa’s voice shakes but his smile doesn’t falter and for a moment’ Iwaizumi almost believes Oikawa isn’t terrified. 

“I love you too.” Iwaizumi says squeezing Oikawa’s hand back. 

He stands and leans over Oikawa, pressing a kiss to his forehead. Oikawa squeezes his eyes such and Iwaizumi gasps, breathing in Oikawa’s scent. 

“I love you so much.” It’s painful to let go, for all the times he's done it. But this time it felt especially hard because for once they were burdened by destiny by a past not their own and by the idea that they may be leading a fantasy that’s only teasing them with happiness. 

“We’ll be stopping at a market in a few hours, you can come out and walk around with us... I’m certain Akaashi won’t mind.” He lets the door close on his words with a clank.

Oikawa looks around his room with a sigh, wishing there was, for once, a window he could gaze out of, for there to be something aimless and boring to distract him, something thoughtless to quell the tinge of fear in his heart. 

So he lays back and stares at the metal ceiling, into the blinding lights bolted to it and tries to understand why the name Bokuto is ringing a bell, and why for once, he’s not actually worried about him and Iwaizumi but angry and afraid he’ll lose his Hajime. 

 

* * *

 

_ “Telepaths, are the most advanced of creatures,” he spreads his large hands over Oikawa’s.  _ _   
_ _ “Because they can adapt, and add to their abilities, they have almost no limit.”  _

“Oikawa.” Iwaizumi calls again. Oikawa’s head lifts off the wall, the heat of the desert soaking into his skin, and the water washing it over. 

“Get dressed, we’ve made it to the market.” Oikawa nods, standing up under the shower. He shuts off the water, trying to remember what he was just thinking about, something someone had told him, an old friend he can’t remember. 

He dries his body and shuffles into the usual white shirt and gray pants and knocking on the door before he opens it. Strange to be opening his own door. 

Iwaizumi is waiting on the other side, Akaashi stands nearby the brown cloak casting shadows over his face and covering his body. 

“Here, you’ll have to wear this if you’re coming out.” Iwaizumi wraps a similar brown cloak around Oikawa’s shoulders and securing it with a black clip. 

“You’re not wearing one?” Oikawa asks, noticing Iwaizumi’s exposed weaponry. 

“We only carry two in the truck for us, but since you’re coming you’ll just have to take mine. Don’t worry, though, I’ll be fine, no one will mess with me with my guns out like this.” Oikawa nods and reaches through the curtain of his cloak to take Iwaizumi’s hand. 

The only time he’s ever walked through a crowded space outside the facility, he was in chains, and before that, he can’t remember, he’s uncertain how to walk on his own like this. Freely. 

Iwaizumi looks down at their hands but doesn’t pull away, just smiles and pulls Oikawa along. They walk around to the edge of the market, the noise erupting as they get closer.

The market is like nothing Oikawa’s ever seen, people of so many tones walk about in robes and scarves, skin tones ranging from deep hues of the earth to the pink shades of the sunrise, like nothing ever seen. 

“Everyone’s so different looking...” Oikawa walks wide-eyed at Iwaizumi’s side. 

“People from many races and cultures come here to trade, some from as far as Africa and others closer. It’s very different than the facility.” 

“It’s beautiful, they’re all beautiful.” 

_ “People come in many colors, Oikawa, both inside and out, and in our world even more so.”  _ His words come back to him again, echoing in his ear. Oikawa breaths in the heated desert air, and feels the energy of all that’s around him. Someone... is here. 

“Let's split up, I’ll find fuel, you guys find food and water,” Akaashi says over the talk of the crowd. Iwaizumi is about to nods when Oikawa’s hand squeezes his, calling his attention. Oikawa scans the crowd for a moment looking for familiarity among the faces but finds no one. 

“Stay together, someone is here, I recognize their energy, and it’s very very strong.” Iwaizumi blinks taken back for a second having forgotten Oikawa can sense the life energy of others. 

“Let’s stay together then Akaashi. I don’t want to risk anything.” Akaashi nods without hesitation obeying the orders and continuing to walk behind Oikawa and Iwaizumi.

“Stay close.” Iwaizumi whispers and pulls Oikawa towards him, their arms brushing, their hands still entwined. 

Oikawa watches the people from under the shadow of his hood, his eyes wide with awe as he observes the cultures mixing, the exchange of material and goods and avoids other eyes as they wander too. Men and women and androgynous people gather around different stalls to purchase items some of which Oikawa has never seen before.

He watches and stands close to Iwaizumi as he purchases a moderately sized bottle of gasoline for the truck. Oikawa’s only taller by a small amount that’s easy to erase when standing behind Iwaizumi’s strong frame. He places the money on the wooden counter in exchange for the bottle, and the merchant counts the gold coins, nodding their dismissal.

Iwaizumi leads Oikawa away from the stall and into the crowd again, the throng of people growing as they venture deeper. 

When they step to the side at a small vendor in a tent, Oikawa takes notice of the golden jewelry on display at a table. Iwaizumi calls the attention to the vendor to look at some weapons and boiling grain. 

Oikawa releases Iwaizumi’s hand to approach the table, touching his fingertips to the glittering metal. Iwaizumi watches from where Oikawa left him to make sure he’s not leaving the tent and when he’s reassured he turns back to the vendor. A woman with sharp black tattoos around her neck and swirling over her shaved head like blades dancing on her skin.  

Oikawa looks down and picks up a necklace from the table, his hood hanging over his face. He admires the glow of the jewelry, though finds it too heavy in his fingers. He moves onto a pair of earrings that are lighter, and thin, and then to a bracelet, admiring and fondling each piece. 

When he looks up, he jumps, the eyes of the woman standing next to him, invade his enter his mind and somehow read him. Her dark hair hugs her shoulder and to her waist, her eyes a piercing blue that’s almost luminescent. He looks away and pulls lightly on his hood. 

“Excuse me.” He says and tries to walk back to Iwaizumi, but just as he takes his first step she reaches out and yanks at the tail of his hood. 

The room enters silence as Oikawa suddenly feels his chest filled with fear, the recognition in her eyes unnerving. His curly hair come into the open air and his hood sinks down to his shoulders, exposing his collar and it’s blinking lights. 

“A blood of the northern magic.” She looks closely, stunning Oikawa cold with her eyes as they dig deeply into his, her fingers groping at his chin and lips, her nails scraping at his skin as he tries to evade her touch.  

Iwaizumi is quick to react, and as soon as the other voice enters the air he becomes the distance between Oikawa and the woman. He reaches for Oikawa’s hand who takes it eagerly, trying to calm himself. 

“If you would please.” Iwaizumi’s tone is stern and threatening, his muscles tense as he stares her down. 

“You... hold him captive; such a rare species.” She says, eyes the collar around Oikawa’s neck, his hood still down; drawing out his face to wandering eyes. 

Iwaizumi glances behind him, at Oikawa shrinking behind his figure. He turns and pulls the hood up, drawing the string taut to secure their secrecy. 

“How much?” The woman says abruptly, and Iwaizumi freezes, his blood suddenly shudders in his veins, the idea of Oikawa being owned poisoning his senses and rationality, his emotions taking control of his cognition. 

Iwaizumi turns slowly, his fingers dropping from Oikawa’s hand to his gun at his side. He breathes slowly, understanding that he should not provoke the woman. He clutches his hand into a fist. 

“He’s not for sale, and trafficking of any being is illegal in this state, so if you don’t wish to be reported I suggest you turn away and leave us be.” Iwaizumi towers over her, but she doesn’t back down her eyes still trained on Oikawa’s form, his skin crawling under her stare like a tongue slicing its way up the back of his neck.

“Please, just one taste... so rare...” She whimpers with desire as her hand reaches out to Oikawa. He takes a step back and Iwaizumi take hold of the woman’s wrist. 

“You touch him and I’ll kill you right here right now.” Iwaizumi’s face distorts into something of rage and disgust, his brow creased and his nose curled. 

“YOU WAIST HIS BLOOD AND FLESH, YOU...you” She tilts her nose in the air and sniffs close to Iwaizumi then looks him up and down as if peering at an image.  

“You... you’ve been touched by him, purified by his love and...” She switches her hold and somehow takes hold of Iwaizumi’s wrist. 

“Sexual desire.” She finishes. Iwaizumi yanks his wrist away from her, her body falling back onto the floor. Iwaizumi instinctively reaches for his gun and points it at her head, but before he can even graze his finger across the trigger and dagger comes down near his throat, pressing solidly into his Adam's apple. 

“You hurt any part of my wife’s body and I’ll slaughter both you and your deity. You’ve received your trade, leave and we will not harm you.” The vendor holds the knife, standing behind Iwaizumi. 

“We’re leaving.” Iwaizumi states and is released by the vendor, her wife picking herself off the floor. 

He takes Oikawa’s hand and leaves, Akaashi, who had been waiting outside, turns his attention once they’re out of the tent.

“What happened?” He takes note of their exasperated expressions but receives no answer just head shakes and wide eyes because frankly, neither Oikawa nor Iwaizumi truly understand what that woman had been talking about, only that it frightened them both to their very cores. 

Iwaizumi shakes his head clear, pushing his thoughts and confusion to the side for later. 

“We should return to the truck, I’ve purchased fuel, food, and weaponry which should last us until we reach the launch pad.” He turns to take Oikawa’s hand again, needing the reassurance but Oikawa is turned away from him. 

He stares at the distance, at a large figure standing still in the crowd, his large eyes bright with a mix of pain and overwhelming relief and surprise. 

“Owl-san?” Oikawa questions the air in a whisper. Iwaizumi doesn’t recognize the golden eyed man but is hit by realization when Akaashi walks up beside him, tripping over his breath and trying to speak words with his screaming heartbeat. 

“Bokuto”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!! 
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> Special Announcement made on my TUMBLR LINK HERE:
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> http://paintbrushyy.tumblr.com/post/158769870900/a-beautiful-mind-iwaoi-fic-series
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> DON'T FORGET TO LEAVE KUDOS AND COMMENT!!!!!!


	16. Fire and The Flood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An old friend returns, and the past hints of the future.

Bokuto’s eyes are empty until they find Akaashi, the light behind them sparking to life in a sudden burst of excitement.  

“Bokuto... Bokuto” Akaashi disregards all logic at the sight of him and surges through the crowd. His heart heavier than it’s been in years like it was suddenly more full than ever before.

Oikawa stands in awe of Bokuto, watching by Iwaizumi’s side as he embraces Akaashi. Bokuto picks Akaashi up by his waist, his hood falling back as he nuzzles his face into Bokuto’s neck, and his feet leave the dusted ground.

Oikawa takes a step forward then two, then three until he finds himself pulling Iwaizumi towards the embracing couple, joining in the excitement.

An old friend has returned.

Bokuto stands towering over them, his body built and muscular, his hair draping around his face black and white strands that mix into gray contrast with his large gold eyes that watch you like they’re seeing into your past.

Bokuto places Akaashi back on the ground. Both seeming to be in pain at letting the other go, their hands still clasped to each other, arms still wrapped around waists.

“Oikawa-kun” Bokuto’s eyes widen at the sight of Oikawa, pulling him into a hug.

“Owl-san...” Oikawa whispers the nickname to himself, the disbelief buried deep in his brow.

Bokuto laughs. His chest heaving and a thick sound like syrup leave his lips.

“So you do remember me,” Bokuto says his eyes widening. Oikawa nods, the memories lifting in the back of his mind like sand in the storm of his thoughts.

“Of course.” He says.

Iwaizumi watches them converse, confused in their knowledge of each other.

“Are you stopped nearby?” Bokuto asks looking to Iwaizumi for the answer. Iwaizumi nods, staying silent as Akaashi takes the chance to explain further.

“We stopped for supplies, and we were just heading back to the truck actually.” He faces Bokuto fully, absorbed in his atmosphere.

“You should join me at my camp, stay a bit, we can catch up and tell stories.” Bokuto’s voice, in contrast to his laughter, is softer, more melodic and deep.

“It would be a pleasure.” Iwaizumi doesn’t hesitate. He can’t even contemplate the pain Akaashi has felt for years, what heart-wrenching separation and loneliness. He can’t know what it would feel like and hopes he never does.

Iwaizumi glances over at Oikawa, the light in his cheeks, so rare to see, shines with joy, at the remembrance of something happy.

“Great!” Bokuto booms, his arms flying up in celebration before squeezing Akaashi close again. They’re stopped in the center of the crowd, aggravated looks passing them as they talk and smile.

“We’ll get the truck,” Iwaizumi says then quickly adds,

“You can go with Bokuto, Akaashi.” Iwaizumi nods in the direction Bokuto pointed a moment ago, pulling at Oikawa’s hand again.

Akaashi nods once sticking close to Bokuto’s arm as Iwaizumi and Oikawa begin in the opposite direction towards the truck, the supplies in hand.

“Do you think he’ll stay with him?” Oikawa whispers from under his hood. Iwaizumi stays silent for a moment, then sighs.

“No, he know’s he has to return to the facility first, then leave properly. Otherwise, they’ll come looking for him.”

Oikawa nods, knowing Iwaizumi’s right, but a part of him still hopes Akaashi does stay, that he runs with Bokuto because otherwise...

“They’ll be together, in the end, don’t worry.” Iwaizumi seems to read Oikawa’s thoughts, the worry in the tension of his palm because with those words Oikawa calms and his heart relaxes.

“Yeah.” He agrees.

Oikawa joins Iwaizumi in the front of the truck for the ride to Bokuto’s camp, finding his sand bike gliding among the dunes and following it.

They reach Bokuto’s camp among the cliffs by sundown, the desert fading into dark patches of rock as they venture deeper. His camp consists of a large tent and a fire that waits silently under a cliff, pressed snug into the shelter of the rock shelf.

Iwaizumi hops down from the truck, his boots hitting the earth with a sudden solidity forgotten when walking over sand. He helps Oikawa down from the seat, his feet bare, shoes slipped off and toes feeling the chill of the moon burnt ground.

“I think there’s a tent stocked for emergencies in the truck.” Iwaizumi whispers, leaving Oikawa by the lit headlights to find it.

Oikawa watches Akaashi and Bokuto stick to each other's sides, magnetized. They whisper to each other in the dark, walking towards him but not knowing he’s there. Their shadows grow larger on the cliff wall, created by the dusty ghost of light spilling from the truck.  

“Found it.” Iwaizumi says and appears by Oikawa’s side, capturing his attention like he always seems to do. Oikawa turns towards Iwaizumi, smiling in hopes he doesn’t know his worry, but all he gets in return is Iwaizumi’s knowing look: soft eyes that see him to his very bone, and a smile too small to be anything but comforting.

Oikawa nods knowing what Iwaizumi want’s to say, wrapping his arms around himself and peering back at Akaashi and Bokuto, sitting with their backs to them, talking.

“Go sit, I’ll set up.” Iwaizumi slides his fingers into Oikawa’s hair. pulls his head down just enough and presses a kiss to his temple.

Oikawa does as Iwaizumi suggests, joining Bokuto and Akaashi on the blanket covered ground, bits of sand still stuck to his feet shedding off at the brush of the fabric.

“OIKAWA-KUN!” Bokuto shouts, his smile overwhelming his face, leaning forward in expectation.

“Tell me, how have you been keeping up, the last I’d seen you, you were struggling to meet the demands of hell. You still living in that tower? That son of a bitch Sugawara still there?” The questions spilling from Bokuto’s mouth send Oikawa’s mind in a small spiral as he tries to keep up.

“Um... it’s been okay... I guess. Sugawara is still there, and I was moved to an electro containment room on the base floor and they still do regular testing and experiments on me, but they haven’t done anything major-” Oikawa breaks, the touch of Iwaizumi’s cold-tipped fingers on his shoulder shaking his thoughts before he can continue. He takes a breath as Iwaizumi sits down next to him, shoes gone and comfortable.

“No major surgeries or experiments have been done for a-”

“I don’t want to know what they do to you, I want to know how you’ve been dealing with it. Are _you_ okay?” Bokuto cuts him off, head tilting in endearing curiosity.

Iwaizumi props his arm up on his knee, reaching down with his other to Oikawa in reassurance. Oikawa sucks in a deep breath, feeling his heart squeeze as he tries not to lie.

“I- I don’t know Owl-san, I’m not sure how I have been for so many years. I’ve woken up every day just trying to breathe, and so far that’s worked.” Iwaizumi squeezes Oikawa’s leg again.

“It has been hard to for so many years because my lungs have been choked with terror. So I don’t know how I’ve been coping, I don’t know how I’m doing because right now I’m okay, and that’s all I want to be, so it’s all that I think about.” Oikawa feels winded by his answer, something not fitting, but Bokuto just smiles, straightening his back and sitting tall.

“Well then good. I was just worried, I know the pain of being in _there._ ” He says, looking away the ghost of pain breaching the surface of his eyes before he blinks and laughs again.

“HA Well, I’m glad to hear you’re still alive.” He places a hand on Akaashi’s back and smiles.

“Both of you.” He adds softly.

“So! Iwaizumi, Hajime.” Bokuto says his eyes narrowing, and Iwaizumi sits up in surprise. The man’s mood bounces like a rubber ball, changing direction when you least expect it.

“Akaashi says you’re Oikawa’s Overseer, and commander of the outer district brigade.” Bokuto leans on his knee the fire making his eyes glow in the night.

“That’s correct.” Iwaizumi nods trying to think of what else to say, the silence lacing their veins with awkwardness.

“WELL! I’d hug ya, like tradition, but then you might die.” Bokuto says it so nonchalantly it stuns Iwaizumi, but Oikawa snickers and Akaashi smiles at the joke, their knowledge of the truth surpassing Iwaizumi’s.

“Oh! Let me get you all some water, I got cups around here too!” Bokuto changes the subject again, rising to his feet and jogging off to a trunk to retrieve water and a bit of bread.

Iwaizumi takes the free moment to ask his question.

“What did he mean by that?” He whispers it to Oikawa but before any words can leave Oikawa’s lips Akaashi chimes in.

“Bokuto’s abilities, remember are toxic by touch,” Akaashi says, and Iwaizumi is about to ask more when-

“Oikawa-kun, give me a hand with these two cups would you!?” Bokuto shouts from a side the trunk, holding two in his hand and nodding at the others as he shuffles to Akaashi’s side. Oikawa nods, reaching out and bending the gravity around the cups, pulling them through the air to their hands.

“Bokuto, could you explain your ability more to Iwaizumi?” Akaashi says, holding the cup close and sipping from it. Oikawa takes three large gulps before setting it on the ground next to him.

“Oh of course!” Bokuto speaks with a shrug of his shoulders setting down his cup in exchange for a rock by the base of the fire.

He holds it out front of his lips and spits onto its surface. Iwaizumi’s brow furrows in confusion at first until the rock’s surface steams, the hiss of its disintegration audible in the group silence. A moment passes and the rock becomes dust, clinging to Bokuto’s fingers.

“Acidic and toxic, to the very core.” He says, brushing off his hands on his pants and sitting back against Akaashi.

Iwaizumi stares at the where Bokuto held the rock then at Oikawa. He hadn’t quite understood what Akaashi meant that morning, but seeing it with his eyes pushed a lump of boiling fear into his throat.

“Just your spit?” He asks but Bokuto shakes his head.

“Everything, from the surface of my skin to the marrow of my bones are lethal and toxic to others, living or otherwise.” It takes Iwaizumi all but a few seconds to panic. He turns to Oikawa and cups his face in his palms, rubbing his thumb over his cheek and up against his eyebrow, looking for burns.

“Iwaizumi,” Oikawa says, not completely protesting. He sweeps back Oikawa’s bangs to see his hidden forehead then runs his hands down Oikawa’s shoulder and turns his palms upward, inspecting them.

“Iwaizumi I’m fine.” Oikawa grasps Iwaizumi’s hands in his pulling his attention.

“He hugged you.” Iwaizumi’s pupils are dilated over his irises, the fear taking hold in his stomach.

“Don’t worry Iwaizumi, I gave Oikawa and Akaashi immunity a long time ago.” Bokuto reaches out for Akaashi’s hand squeezing it.

“You gave it?” Iwaizumi’s question lingers long enough to become uncomfortable.

“It’s a special _thing_ they do in order to gain immunity to my toxins.” Once Bokuto says this Iwaizumi visibly relaxes, his shoulder deflating as he releases his breath, his hands falling slack in Oikawa’s.

“But anyway- that’s why I couldn’t greet you properly with a hug, cause you're not- immune.” Bokuto picks up his cup again and takes a gulp.

“Only you, Bokuto, would think a hug is a normal greeting to strangers.” Akaashi huffs a small laugh, smiling over the rim of his cup.

“That’s not fair you know it’s my culture, even after that god forsaken facility I still remembered how my village raised me,” Bokuto says.

Oikawa stops mid sip to look at Bokuto.

“You know Owl-san I don’t think you’ve ever told me about your family.” Oikawa stares intently at Bokuto and Iwaizumi sits up, curious as well as to where such an obscure man came from. Bokuto sighs.

“No, I guess I never did. We had so little normal conversations when you were young.” Bokuto’s eyes melt into a painful nostalgia that makes Oikawa’s skin rise in goosebumps.

“You were so small, and I knew you had to learn how to use your powers before you hurt yourself with them. So I guess I never did talk about myself.” He looks down at his cup.

“I grew up in a village in the northern forests of Japan. We were secluded and surrounded by dense trees that not many explored. We had few visitors.” Bokuto turns to Akaashi and simpers.

“The village was filled with people like us, with beings of power. The village called us Magii learned from a native text traded in the early centuries from a Polish merchant. It means ‘Of Magic’ in Polish, after our otherworldly abilities. But anyway- the village was far stretched and clouded by the trees but united all the same. Magii of all different powers and origins lived there, I even knew a few telekinetics.”

“And you’re parents? Were they... Magii?” Oikawa pushes for more, curiosity edging on his lips.

“One of them had to be, our powers are genetic, but I don’t know which. My mother died, when I was born and my father died in a flood when I was three. But I was told they were very good medics, healed a lot of people, and were very in love. Mostly I was raised by the village augur, Fumio. He kept all the village’s knowledge and scrolls safe, and allowed me to read them.”

“That’s why you know so much about telepaths. Why you were able to help me learn when I was younger.” Oikawa butts in again, but Bokuto just nods.

“I spent days upon days in that library, reading all I could, trying to figure out the world as they were kinda all I had other than Fumio. I didn’t have many friends, because of my abilities, and when I was young even holding the books was dangerous. I had to wear gloves with a counter salve on the inside that wouldn’t deteriorate when I touched it. But I lived in that library. My life and knowledge were based on what I learned from those books. That is until I was a teenager, and the village was raided. Many of the village Magii were slaughtered and others fled to the trees. As I was trying to protect Fumio I was cut and-” Bokuto stops, turning his attention to Akaashi.

Akaashi’s fingers are dug into Bokuto’s arm, his jaw clenched and his body rigid. Bokuto reaches out and places his hand over Akaashi’s.

“Well, you can guess the rest.” He says to Oikawa, lifting his drink to his lips again.

Oikawa nods and after a moment leans back on his hands, turning his head up to the sky. Akaashi and Bokuto begin to whisper among themselves with the end of Bokuto’s history and so Oikawa takes the chance to draw Iwaizumi’s attention.

Oikawa sighs, his chest lifting with a comfort that’s alien to his bones.

“I love the stars.” He whispers, and Iwaizumi turns.

“They are beautiful.” He responds shifting his gaze from the reflection in Oikawa’s eyes to the glittered night.

“You know how many times I’ve seen the stars?” Oikawa asks, and Iwaizumi looks back down. He shakes his head before realizing Oikawa isn’t looking.

“No.” He substitutes and Oikawa ears, closing his eyes and remembering each time before speaking.

“3,” He says and opens his eyes, his smile widens at his answer, oddly content with it.   
“I’ve only seen the stars 3 times, that I can remember. And every time I can’t even fathom their existence, how in all darkness we’re given light and color, and emptiness that somehow feels filled to the brim with something beautiful.”

Iwaizumi just watches Oikawa as he speaks, his head slowly tilting to the side as each word slips past Oikawa’s lips.

“You would love the northern lights then.” Bokuto interrupts the moment calling everyone’s attention again.

“Mmmm... I’ve always wanted to.” Oikawa says, letting his thoughts sink deep into his mind. Then something surfaces and Oikawa is reminded of her words.

“Northern light.... Child of the- Bokuto.” Oikawa’s face falls into concern, his memories triggered by the mention of the words.

“Have you ever heard of anything about ‘child of the Northern light’?” Oikawa tilts his head from one side to the other trying to physically move about his thoughts.

“Hmmmm... child of the northern lights... as in the clairvoyant temples of Norway?” Bokuto’s brow bends deep between his eyes as his thoughts churn. Oikawa shrugs, unsure what it is he’s looking to know.

“I encountered-”

“You were threatened.” Iwaizumi corrects, his anger resurfacing at the mention of the incident.

“Well, yes, but this old woman in one of the shops at the trades market, she called me ‘child of the northern lights’ and was talking about...tasting me, and how Iwaizumi is just wasting my blood.” Oikawa tips his head forward in question as Bokuto absorbs the information.

“Yes,” Bokuto nods, sitting straight again, his face smoothing over in understanding.

“Children of the northern lights was coined by the southern regions of Asia and the clairvoyant worshiping cults that rooted there and later spread to Africa, Australia, and even the Americas. It’s referring to those who descend from the temples of Norway, telekinetic or clairvoyant temples. These temples are one of the origins of our abilities and are said to hold the highest population of telekinetics in the world." Bokuto pauses, the crackle of the fire briefly filling the silence.

"People of the southern region used to worship them, but not in a praising way. They believed the blood of a clairvoyant was something made by the gods. Telekinesis, as the most powerful ability, is a rare lineage because of them."

Oikawa perks up at the talk of his own ability.

"They thought that if you consumed the flesh and blood of a clairvoyant you could gain its powers as well as immortality. Of course, that isn’t true. The telekinetic population was reduced from over 3 million to a couple thousand in the span of 30 years, most of them now live in the Norwegian Temple city or the Amazonian Tribal Nations in Brazil or have gone into hiding in human cities. That’s why your existence, Oikawa, was so prized by the facility because you were the first they were able to imprison, and more powerful than they realized. But the followers of these beliefs died off many years ago, so this woman must be one of the last.”

Oikawa doesn’t know how else to respond than with a nod. The amount of history his origins contain builds a gaping hole in his stomach, a heavy set weight of air that pushes up on his heart.

No one spoke about the woman again, in fact, no one spoke much at all after that. The night had turned their fire’s flames into embers, the light glow keeping them company in their silence.

Bokuto eventually lies down on Akaashi’s lap, digging his fingers into a stone as the groves burn through like a knife. Akaashi cards his fingers through Bokuto’s hair, pulling it away from his forehead and trying to separate the strands by shades of gray and black giggling when one falls on the bridge of his nose and Bokuto’s eyes cross.

Iwaizumi’s taken to writing in a book he retrieved from the truck, while Oikawa watches for shooting stars. The leather bound pages creek when he bends the cover, loose wavy words becoming exposed for a moment before being tucked away under his hand.

The pen scratch is soft next to Oikawa, and he finds it irksome that he doesn’t know what is being written. The impatient pauses of thought as Iwaizumi decides how to word his sentence, how to paint whatever histories or futures he’s writing; the click and shutter of the pen’s spring, his heartbeat in synch.

Oikawa’s stopped watching the stars but tilts his head to the side watching the ink flow onto the page and Iwaizumi bite his bottom lip.

“What are you writing?” Oikawa asks, and Iwaizumi looks up, his lip still between his teeth.

“Huh? Oh, um...” His smile grows sheepish, the blush of secrecy taking its place in his cheek.

“Nothing.” He finishes, and Oikawa is left curious.

“Oh... okay.” His words are small and he lowers his eyes as Iwaizumi closes the leather book, tucking it away behind him to crawl closer to Oikawa, but not close enough.  

“It’s just a journal I keep. My mother got me in the habit of it.” Iwaizumi says it in Oikawa’s ear, the mystery of silence behind his words still haunting to Oikawa but reassuring all the same.

He nods, trusting Iwaizumi and falling forward into his lap.   

“DON’T SAY THAT!” Akaashi’s voice suddenly rises into the arch of the cliff and echoes slightly off its walls.   
“Keiji!” Bokuto sits up as Akaashi stumbles to his feet.

“I said don’t call me that!” He says again, his eyes shaking under his creased brow. Bokuto rises to his feet, looking down at Akaashi.

“Kei-”

“I SAID DON’T-ah” Akaashi’s voice cracks, his limbs quivering in anger. He looks at Oikawa their eyes meeting for a moment before embarrassment fills them both and Akaashi turns away walking quickly to Bokuto’s tent.   
“Akaashi-” Bokuto whispers after him, his fists clutched tightly. He sighs, running his hand through his hair and pressing his palm to his forehead.

Iwaizumi and Oikawa still sit close, both aware of the tension in the air, and suddenly bone stiff because of it.  

Oikawa wants to ask if everything’s okay, he want’s to ask what happened but when he opens his mouth to he closes it without a word. Bokuto doesn’t need another question.

“I’ll see you guys in the morning okay? Make sure to put the embers out fully before going to sleep, we don’t want bandits to find us.” Bokuto says it so cheerfully, but his voice still shakes with the burden of masked torment.

Iwaizumi nods when Oikawa struggles to, stunned by the scene that fell to pieces before them.

“Goodnight Bokuto-san.” Iwaizumi says and as Bokuto turns-

“Goodnight Owl-san,” Oikawa manages a whisper, and then he’s gone behind the curtain of the tent, the light glowing from the lantern inside, the two shadows a blurry mess of gray, indistinguishable.

“I wonder what happened?” Oikawa whispers, but Iwaizumi doesn’t answer instead, letting their newfound solidarity consume them.

There are only a few shouts, and soon the light from Bokuto’s tent becomes dull. Iwaizumi and Oikawa still sit under the stars, watching the embers die.

It’s when Oikawa feels the pressure of Iwaizumi’s lips against his neck that he’s able to find words on his tongue again.

“So affectionate.” Oikawa teases; Iwaizumi’s sudden desire for contact comforting.

“Mmmm, I’ve wanted to kiss you all night.” He whispers and tugs on Oikawa’s waist pulling him closer between his legs kissing him again on the cheek.  

“So why didn’t you?” Oikawa asks pulling away from the kiss and looking at Iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi stops, his voice stunted in his throat the embarrassment filling his cheek and tips of his ears.

“Well, Bokuto and Akaashi were right there, and- well, I- I didn’t want them watching.” Iwaizumi averts his eyes, his skin flustering with bright hues of red.  

“Oh...” Oikawa says, his face suddenly feeling hot as well and he averts his eyes as the thoughts of affection and intimacy make him bubbly. Iwaizumi catches sight of Oikawa’s blush, blooming under the corners of his eyes and suddenly he can’t shift his gaze.

“Oh,” Oikawa repeats uncertain of what else to say or do until Iwaizumi cups a hand around his jaw and pulls their lips together.

The tender skin Iwaizumi had been chewing on is still wet and cold pressed against Oikawa’s lips. He remembers to breathe through his nose and sighs as he falls forward into a deeper kiss.

The fire embers make their cheeks glow orange and as they kiss the warmth of each other's touch almost replaces the death of the flame, making both of them forget the chill of the desert at night. That is until Oikawa shivers and pulls away.

The fire’s finally gone, and Iwaizumi pulls Oikawa close, wrapping his arms around him and rubbing his palms along his shoulders to warm him up.

“You’re getting cold, you should go to bed, it’s really late and I’m thinking we’ll leave in the morning so we’ll need our sleep.”

Oikawa wants to ask if he can sleep with Iwaizumi but only sleep, no sex, just- sleep. He decides against it when Iwaizumi says he should get some sleep too, both rising to their feet in the darkness.

Iwaizumi pours what’s left of his glass of water over the fire to secure that it’s gone, and leaves the cup by the blanket. Oikawa does the same.

There's an awkwardness as they walk towards Iwaizumi’s tent, something unspoken in the air still beating to be said by their lips.

“I’ll see you in the morning, Iwa-”

“You’re not gonna stay?” Iwaizumi cuts him off, his words chiming bells in Oikawa’s head and a fire in his heart.

“Well, I- do you-”

“You don’t have to I just thought, just to sleep, not anything, unless you want to- I just. If you- so you- don’t- don’t have to be alone.”   
“Yes.” Oikawa is finally able to say, confused as to why this was so hard, so different than their odd normal.

“Good...” Iwaizumi’s stumbling lips turn into a secure smile as he pushes aside the tent flap and lets Oikawa enter first.

Their hearts beat fast until sleep took their minds and all that was left was their echoing whispers and goodnight kisses. Their hearts were beating fast.

 

* * *      

 

“Akaashi please wait-” Bokuto enters the tent with a hushed voice.

“Don’t call me by my first name.”   
“Akaashi.”

“Just don’t! Don’t call be that Ko-eh.” Akaashi’s mouth gapes then presses into a thin line, the frustration blooming in his eyes as he begins to cry.

“Akaashi, we’re not in the facility anymore.” Bokuto finally says the words, and Akaashi muffles his breath with the back of his hand, sitting down on the mattress.

Bokuto takes a step closer, then another and another until he’s towering over Akaashi and then kneeling down and wiping at his cheeks.

“Keiji-” He says again his voice soft and breaking.

“Don’t!” Akaashi pushes away one of Bokuto’s hands.

“Kei-” Bokuto replaces the hand but Akaashi pushes it away again.

“No!” His brow is bent so tight he thinks it might scar.

“AKAASHI!” Bokuto shouts only once.

“Kei- Akaashi.” He’s trying not to hold his breath but as his own tears surface, he can’t seem to find any oxygen in his lungs.   
“Akaashi, we’re not in the facility anymore. No one-”

“But-”

“No one is watching us anymore, we don’t have to pretend.” Akaashi’s eyes stare wide at Bokuto his deep-set green irises shaking with so many emotions all they can do is cry.  

“Akaashi, say my name.” Bokuto requests. He presses their foreheads together closing his eyes and repeating.

“Say my name.”

“Bo- Bokuto.” Akaashi’s words are a slow painful whisper that brushes on Bokuto’s lips.

“No. Akaashi, say my real name.” Bokuto shakes his head keeping his eyes closed.

“That is your real name.” Akaashi tries his best not to give in.

“No! Akaashi, that’s the name everyone knows, the one in public. Say my name, my real name. Say the name that you fell in love with all those years ago, the one who loves you back, who wants to wake up next to you every morning for the rest of my life, who want to lie naked with you until the sun comes up, who wants to kiss you and touch you and _make love_ to you; say that name, say my name.”

Bokuto begs Akaashi, running his thumb over and over again across Akaashi’s cheek, holding the back of his head, Bokuto’s eyes almost broken with his pain as he stares into Akaashi.

“Please-” Bokuto whispers.

“I- I can’t,” Akaashi says, shaking his head and Bokuto sinks down, sitting back on his legs.

“Why?” Bokuto finally asks, wondering if the reason he thought he knew is actually entirely wrong.

“Why?” He says again.

Akaashi sniffs, his brow twitching as he makes a decision. When he does Akaashi slides down from the bed and onto Bokuto’s lap. He cups his face and pulls it up so their eyes see into one another, but Bokuto’s eyes remain lowered.

“Because the last time I said it they took you from me.” Akaashi’s voice breaks again and his whole body shakes, his bones becoming cracked glass unfit to support him as he falls against Bokuto’s chest.

“I said it by accident- _hic_ -, I had played around with it so many times in my head - _hic_ \- and then it slipped out and they knew, Bokuto, they knew! And they took yooOu-”   
“Keiji, no, no, Keiji that is not your fault.” Bokuto pushes Akaashi up right trying to look at his face.  

“Bokuto- _hic-_ , they found out because of me, if we had never met!”

“Keiji no! No, Keiji stop.” Bokuto’s voice becomes firm and Akaashi halts his thoughts.

“Keiji listen to me, listen okay-” He cups Akaashi’s face and pulls it close.

“Keiji, you, you were my angel, you were, you are, everything that keeps me alive, if I hadn’t met you I would have killed myself a long time ago. Keiji, _please_ , please don’t ever say that again. I don’t regret a single moment, a single day no matter how painful if it were with you.”

“Bokuto.”

“It’s not your fault.” He says.   
“It’s not your fault.”

Akaashi chokes on his breath, crumbling in Bokuto’s arms as the weight of a guilty heart suddenly feel easier to bare. He cries and doesn’t try to hide it, the tears soaking his cheeks and dropping to his lap.

“You were dead... Bokuto you de-eh-eh-ad.” Akaashi sobs as he speaks and Bokuto just nods pulling their chest together so he can feel Akaashi’s heart beat.  

“It’s not your fault,” Bokuto says it one last time and then as Akaashi gasps for air, he pulls their lips together.

It’s their first kiss since they lost each other, it tastes of salt from Akaashi’s tears and both forget to breathe until the very end when they’re gasping for breath, hands still clinging to one another and tears no longer flowing.

Akaashi’s hand presses against Bokuto’s chest, and his heart thumps rapidly beneath the surface. He can feel it against his palm the steady hum of life beneath his bones and he curls his fingers into Bokuto’s shirt shocked.

He looks up at Bokuto, their eyes finally meeting.

“Bokuto...” Akaashi’s whisper barely breaks past his lips, and Bokuto falls forward into them, pulling his as close as he possibly can for as long as Akaashi forgets how to breathe, and then-

“Koutarou.” Akaashi breathes out Bokuto’s given name and there's a warmth that fills his chest cavity, an unyielding wave of relief and joy that he was too afraid to feel before.

“Keiji-” Bokuto says, cutting his voice short with the connection of their lips.

Bokuto’s arms wrap fully around Akaashi’s waist holding him to his chest, his hands slipping under the hem of Akaashi’s shirt as he strokes the soft skin along his spine.

Akaashi’s fingers weave their way into Bokuto’s hair, curling and gripping at the strands until he lets go to steady himself in Bokuto’s movements. Bokuto lifts Akaashi off the ground and onto the mattress, their lips never breaking as they crawl back towards the pillows, fingers pressing into muscle and patching the skin soon made pink with bite marks and kiss stains.  

Hands wiggle between fabric and skin until Akaashi pulls up on Bokuto’s shirt and finally removes it, Bokuto following and immediately tracing slick lips up Akaashi’s chest into the curve of his neck tasting the goosebumps that rise at his touch. Akaashi’s nails dig into Bokuto’s back, his heart running high in his chest as the heat absorbs his body, spreading flames to every nerve and his skin rung with electricity.

They make their way down to their underwear, snapping and tugging at the elastic bands with teasing smiles until those too are eventually gone and all that’s left is the bare kiss of naked skin on naked skin.       

Akaashi leans back and looks up at Bokuto hovering over him. His hand ghosts over and under Akaashi’s thigh curving over his cheek, pressing into his back, making Akaashi arch slowly towards him. Bokuto watches as Akaashi’s eyelids flutter with his movements, his breath shaking and struggling to even out. Akaashi’s exposed cock presses into Bokuto as he leans closer over Akaashi calling his attention with the brush of his lips on Akaashi’s pushing up to meet him.

Akaashi slides his lips into the spaces left open by Bokuto’s, pulling down and then feeling his teeth press into skin. He smiles, halting the kiss and reaches a hand up to Bokuto’s face, just a breath away from his own, their noses brushing, breaths mingling, heat blushing.

“This is real. You’re really alive.” He whispers a smile curling on his lips. Bokuto kisses him, taking the breath from his lungs and pulling his chest tight.  

“Did you doubt it?” Bokuto asks, brushing his lips over Akaashi’s. His hand slides down the curve of Akaashi’s ass and brushing a finger across his entrance and Akaashi gasps before he answers.

“Only a million times.” Akaashi says, his eyes stay shut as his fingers pull on the strands of Bokuto’s hair pulling him in again for a deeper longer kiss, remembering how, for it’s been so very long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHHHHHH I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO DAMN LONG I'm in the middle of studying for exams so I haven't had much time, but I've made time for writing at night!! HOPE YOU LIKED THIS CHAPTER
> 
> SCREAM AT ME IN THE COMMENTS PLEASEEEE IT'S ALL I LIVE FOR!!!
> 
> Thanks for reading and don't forget to leave kudos!! 
> 
> Tumblr: http://www.paintbrushyy.tumblr.com/


	17. Goodbye for Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa doesn't like the feeling of goodbye, especially for what they're leaving for.

“Mmhhuuhm” his voice breaks free from his throat, scraping softly against the silence of the tent.

“Mmm- Koutarou...” His brain is muddled with the morning, his eye heavier than he’s used to, the lethargy in his body foreign to him.

“Mmm- morning...” Bokuto tightens his grip around Akaashi’s waist and feels their naked bodies curve to one another.

Akaashi opens his eyes, breathing in Bokuto’s scent all around him, lingering in his skin. He shuffles in the bed, turning to face Bokuto and presses his palms to his chest. Bokuto’s heart beats calmly beneath the surface.

“Morning,” He whispers, and smiles, wiggling his toes in the awkward silence that’s filling them, a hush of childish excitement that has Akaashi biting his lip and holding his breath.

“Hi-” Akaashi’s completely lost for words but can’t bear sitting in silence. he’s too shy to kiss Bokuto even if he knows he can, even if they were hours ago, all he can do is smile and feel like their moment is infinite.

“Hi,” Bokuto responds, and he presses forward his nose, bumping the tips.

“Ko-hehe” Akaashi giggles, brushing his nose back, swallowing the air in his lungs into his stomach, and letting it balloon there.

“Haha- I have butterflies in my stomach,” He whispers, and Bokuto opens his eyes smiling. His hands slide across Akaashi’s back, tracing the dip in his spine and the curve of his butt; Bokuto leans forward and presses their lips together, smiling against Akaashi’s lips and listening to the audible sigh when Akaashi melts into him.

“Hmmm...” He hums and leans farther over Akaashi hovering over his body. Akaashi’s arm extends above his head, his body stretching across the sheets, his toes pointing and curling with Bokuto’s touch.  

Akaashi’s head feels incredibly warm, a blush spreads through his entire body and he’s completely restless. Bokuto runs his hands along Akaashi’s sides and chest as he lowers himself against Akaashi, his chin resting against his heartbeat. He kisses his way under Akaashi’s chin, pushing his head back and adding heat to his pulse.

Akaashi giggles, tangling his fingers farther into Bokuto’s hair. Bokuto wraps his arms around Akaashi’s body and pulls, rolling with him to the other side of the bed.

“Ughh!” He groans, and Akaashi laughs louder, his smile so wide it almost hurts.

“I love you so much,” Bokuto says.

Akaashi shakes his head, his blush overwhelming he can’t figure out what to do.

“Yes, Keiji I love you, I love you so much,” Bokuto smiles as large as he can, squeezing Akaashi to his chest.

“How many years has it been and I’m still so in love with you, so much, so so much-” He’s losing his words in the heat of his heart.

“So much it hurts.”

“So so much-” He keeps saying it, whispering it close to Akaashi’s lips, and all Akaashi does is nod, moving closer and finally whispering.

“I love you too,”

They feel so heavy together like gravity is working on the both of them to make their bodies break and let their hearts free from cages.

“So, so much.”

 

* * *

 

Oikawa isn’t used to the sun on his cheeks in the morning, he’s not used to another’s body next to his, when he rolls awake with a kink in his neck and sighs.

Oikawa wakes first, and sits up, looking around at the small tent, the plastic filtering the lights as green streaks on their bodies, the blankets kicked away and Iwaizumi’s arm spread across his lap, his lips still mumbling his dreams.

He doesn’t want it to be morning because morning is another day and he wants to still live in yesterday.

“I don’t want to go back.” He whispers; nobody hears in the soft morning, but his heart jumps when Iwaizumi shifts, mumbling and turning away.

He sighs and pushes himself to his feet, he’s heavy, sleep still locked in his bones and his joints. He must not have moved around in the night.

“Tooru...” Iwaizumi mumbles his name and Oikawa turns.

He’s awake, but his eyelids still hang close to his cheeks drowsiness lingering.

“Morning,” Oikawa says and sits back down, crossing his legs as Iwaizumi crawls to his knees and reaches for a shirt.

“We’re going back today,” Oikawa leaves no room for breath but lets the discomfort lay over them.

“We have to,” Iwaizumi hates saying that, hates telling Oikawa like there’s nothing he can do. It’s as if they’re infinitely helpless in their lives, suffering at the will of others, slaves to secret love affairs and stolen kisses in the dark.

But if they run, where are they supposed to go? Nothing’s in order, they’ll find them quickly, and with little supply, they might just die in the desert.

“Yeah, I guess.” Oikawa snaps Iwaizumi from his thoughts, calling him back to the morning.

Iwaizumi doesn’t say anything more as Oikawa rises to his feet. He lets him leave and finishes dressing as the other two awaken as well.

The desert is different in the daylight, the cliff, hanging high above their heads, and the sky empty of any clouds. It’s different from yesterday, isolated. Akaashi walks out of Bokuto’s tent with a smile on his face, his cheeks red and warm looking. Oikawa waves at him then Bokuto who bounces out towards him to give him a hug.   
“How’d you sleep!” He slaps Oikawa on the back pushing him forward with the force and the air out of his lungs.

“Fi-ne” Oikawa coughs through the word, and Bokuto smiles chuckling.

“Well come on, I’m making breakfast before you guys hit the road.” Bokuto nods Oikawa in Akaashi’s direction and he follows, smiling at Akaashi who’s already started slicing bread.

Iwaizumi joins them soon after Oikawa sits down, tell Akaashi to prepare the truck once he’s finished eating and to make sure he’s ready to leave.

Oikawa watches the others as they gather their things, not having any of his own belongings to look after. He sticks a finger under his collar, scratching at a hickey that’s still red on his neck but concealed under the metal.

“Oikawa, come here for a sec, I wanna show you something,” Bokuto calls out from the entrance to his tent holding back the flap and waiving Oikawa over.

Oikawa leaves his watching spot and joins Bokuto in his tent, the smell of him overwhelming in the confined area. He takes in the sight, the crumpled sheets, and thrown about clothes and the books on the table across. The tent is larger that Iwaizumi’s, he can stand up in this one without arching his back, he can walk about, there’s a blow-up mattress and a table with books and that’s where Bokuto stands, next to the books.

“Yes?” Oikawa asks and shuffles over to the table.

“You’re heading back to the facility,” Bokuto states what he’s been told and Oikawa chokes on its truth. He nods. He doesn’t want to say it, his lungs feel too swollen to.

“I want to give you something,” He slides over a book and a box, both heavy with age and the smell of time.

“You know I can’t take-”

“I know- I want you to now that they’re yours.” Bokuto watches Oikawa inspect the book and the box, opening it and seeing the round locket the size of a pocket watch.

“It’s a portal.” He says and takes it from Oikawa’s hands. He opens the locket and reveals a blue and green reflective film over the inside, he passes a piece of paper through and Oikawa watches as it comes out on the table from another small object in the shape of a square.

“It has the same science behind teleporters, developed a few years ago by yours truly.” He holds it out to Oikawa nodding for him to take it.

“Akaashi has one too, and I made one for you, Iwaizumi will keep it for now, but it’s yours for when you’re safe.”

“But-”

“You and Iwaizumi are together?” The question makes Oikawa’s heart shake and he chokes on his breath.

“Like me and Akaashi?” Bokuto looks expectant and Oikawa knows he has to answer.

“Yes,” He breathes and he almost feels weightless. It’s the first time he’s said it, out loud.

“Good,” Bokuto curls Oikawa’s hair behind his ear, pulling him by his shoulder’s into a hug.

“You need to be loved, with so much pain, I’m glad you have love.” Bokuto holds Oikawa so tights he feels he’s being crushed, Bokuto’s muscles smothering him, his biceps tightening and squeezing the air out of him.

“AACk, Owl-” Oikawa croaks and Bokuto back away, letting Oikawa breathe.  

“Sorry,” He says and Oikawa smiles holding the portal close.

“And the book?” He asks opening the cover and reading the words fading on the first page.

“The secrets and cultures of the ancient Clairvoyants,” Bokuto says and dusts off the page.

“It was a book I came across a few months ago, reminded me of you. So I traded for it.”

“When It’s time you’ll get it, and you can learn about your power and past,”

Oikawa just stares at the book, reading the title over and over again. He has answers.

“Tooru?” Iwaizumi’s voice comes to Oikawa’s ears from the tent entrance.

“It’s time to head out,” He says and Oikawa nods as he leaves.

“Iwaizumi!” Bokuto calls out and waves him back in.

“Keep this safe, and when you can send me a letter through it, I always have mine.” Bokuto hands the book and portal to Oikawa the weight heavy in his arms before he walks out, heading in the direction of his containment unit.

Iwaizumi stays behind in the tent, waiting for Bokuto speak. When he does, he isn’t surprised by his words.

“You plan on freeing him?” He asks and Iwaizumi nods, though he’s not sure how he knows he will.

“If it’s the last thing I do.” Iwaizumi responds and Bokuto’s eyes become intense.   
“No-” Bokuto snaps and Iwaizumi takes a step back.   
“Don’t die for him, live, live for Oikawa, for yourself and him. Because to die to die would be to kill him too. You’re all he has, you’re all he loves.” Bokuto’s voice vibrates the air around them and Iwaizumi feels the depth of his words.

“I know he knows this but I want you to know too. If there’s anything, once he’s free, I’ll help in any way I can. I have connections all over the world, if there’s anything, send a message, Oikawa will know how.”

Iwaizumi, nodding once, takes a step away pulling the tent curtain back when-

“He loves you, you know, protect him.” Bokuto’s voice has gone soft.

“I know, I will.”

Iwaizumi leaves with the last word as Akaashi approaches to say his goodbye, eye tracing over Iwaizumi briefly before passing him. Iwaizumi’s heart feels heavy.

Oikawa sits on the edge of the doorway to his container, kicking his legs over the side and waiting for Iwaizumi. He watches the sand swirl under his toes and runs his fingers along the spine of his book.

“Ready?” Iwaizumi’s voice pulls him from his head and Oikawa nods. Iwaizumi leans close and looks down at the book.

“From Bokuto?” he asks and Oikawa nods.

“He says you can keep them safe for me until I’m able to,” Oikawa mumbles. His mind feels empty, like it’s only partially here, talking, seeing, another part far off, screaming and whispering fear into him, like an oracle. They shouldn’t go back. He knows they shouldn’t, but he knows there’s no other choice.

“I can hide them in my duffle bag.” Iwaizumi takes them off his lap and Oikawa feels the emptiness left there by the weight. He stands on the platform of his container and looks out over the desert then back down at Iwaizumi.

“I don’t like this,” Oikawa doesn’t whisper.

“Leaving?” Iwaizumi asks but Oikawa shakes his head. There’s something heavier in the air than just goodbye.

“This, this calm, it’s too comfortable- it’s-” Oikawa swallows and looks down, Iwaizumi’s watching him, clutching the door.

“It makes me anxious.” He says and catches Iwaizumi’s eye as he turns into his unit. 

The air tastes like poison.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget COMMENT!!!! They keep the story going and my motivation up!! 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS PLEASE!!! I'M BEGGING YOU!!!!! 
> 
> next chapter coming soon, thanks for reading!!


	18. Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freedom is the most painful of all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO by the end of this chapter, you may hate me, but let me just warn you it's not what you think just keep reading!! YOU'VE MADE IT THIS FAR AND THERE ARE 2 MORE BOOKS COMING KEEP THAT IN MIND IT'S NOT TAGGED FOR A REASON!

Oikawa’s lights break on the second day. The darkness, though, is comforting. In darkness you can’t see shadows in the corners, you can’t see fear creeping up on you; all you can do is surrender. 

It takes 2 days to reach the airlift platform and after that, 9 hours to reach the facility. Oikawa sits in the dark and listens to the earth being crushed under the tires and the the static of his radio in a silence too haunting to listen to. 

His bed became to warm for his body, so he huddles on the floor against the metal white that keeps its cool, letting the frigid kiss soak through him.

Iwaizumi comes in a few times, but he mostly drives, Akaashi taking the night shift, Iwaizumi sleeping in the passenger's seat. Oikawa listens through the metal. They don’t talk much, and he can’t hear them when they whisper. 

The light is painful when he looks into it when the door opens and Oikawa sees Iwaizumi’s shadow across his container and his figure in the doorway. 

When it opens up the last time, Oikawa sees more than one figure, he hears whispers behind him, and more light spills through because Iwaizumi isn’t standing in the center of the doorway, he’s being given orders beyond it. 

“Here, sedate and cuff him, he’s scheduled for testing.” 

“Sugawara, he’s exhausted, your results-”   
“I don’t care if he’s tired he’s scheduled and already late, now sedate him or I will have someone else do it.” Suga’s voice is strained, and Iwaizumi backs down from it. He takes the syringe and cuffs as Suga turns away, disappearing into the chaos of rushing soldiers. Iwaizumi watches him until he can’t see his silver hair anymore, until the taste in his mouth is sickening and he clutches the syringe so hard he thinks it might crack.

Iwaizumi’s figure finally fills the space in the doorway. Oikawa stands, pressing his back against the metal wall. He loves Iwaizumi, but he recognizes the syringe in his hand as he enters and he hates him for that. 

“No-” Oikawa chokes out and tries to back away more. He moves across the wall away from Iwaizumi, into the corner until he’s trapped.  

“Oikawa I’m sorry-” 

“Iwa- something’s not right-” Oikawa whimpers and scratches at the metal behind him. Iwaizumi looks him in the eyes, watches them shake in terror and doesn’t know what to do, how to save him. Oikawa shakes his head holding Iwaizumi’s stare. 

“I know-” 

“Iwa-”   
“I’m sorry- I’m sorry-” Iwaizumi whispers and reaches out for Oikawa’s arm. Oikawa closes his eyes shaking his head and trying to keep his arms in, pulling away from Iwaizumi’s grasp. He presses his head against the metal wishing to fall through opening his mouth and screaming as Iwaizumi pulls at his arm. 

“NO-” his voice cracks and he slides to the floor trying to curl in on himself but he can’t, Iwaizumi holds his arm steady trying to keep the needle from breaking inside him. 

“I’m sorry-” He keeps saying, and he can’t stop, he can’t stop. 

Oikawa’s screams die when he loses consciousness, but Iwaizumi keeps whispering as he puts on the cuffs, even when the other soldiers come and carry him away his thoughts still scream out,

“I’m sorry,” 

The looks they receive as Iwaizumi walks behind the soldiers, aren’t normal. He’s used to seeing their eyes wander to Oikawa, the side eyes of disgust. But these are at him, they’re all staring at him, and they all have the eyes of the betrayed. 

Have the walls always been this blinding? Has this place always felts to caged in? Or is something different? 

“Iwaizumi, follow me,” A woman in a lab coat says. He doesn’t recognize her but follows her down another hallway, into a room opposite of Oikawa where he’ll observe. 

She holds the door for him and he steps into the room,

“Thank you,” He responds and turns, but she’s not there. The door closes and the sound of a lock turning echoes. He throws his body into the door, the metal rattles but stands.

“OIKAWA!!” He shouts as loud as he can, throwing his fists on the door. 

“OIKAWA!” He keeps going. 

Then the lights come on the other side of the wall in front of him, and Iwaizumi stands straight. 

“Oikawa-” Iwaizumi whispers. 

“Oikawa-” 

He’s on the floor in the other room, still unconscious.

“Oikawa wake up!” Iwaizumi slides to his knees and presses his palms to the wall. It’s almost like concrete but still transparent. He hits his fists against it, but it doesn't crack, the hollow sound moaning for him but not budging.

“OIKAWA-” He just keeps screaming falling farther to the floor to see him. He’s not waking up. 

Then the lights come on in Iwaizumi’s room, he turns around, looking up at the ceiling, looking for a camera. There is none. 

“Oikawa please wake up! Come on!” He paddles the wall again, trying not to throw up his heart. 

“Oikawa come ON!” He slams the glass this time, but it still only hums, and Oikawa doesn’t move. 

“Iwaizumi Hajime-” Sugawara’s voice calls out from nowhere and Iwaizumi whips around, 

“Sugawara I swear-” 

“You were so quick to betray us- your own kind-”    
“Shut up! What are you talking about! Let Oikawa go!” 

“Iwaizumi you’re being punished for your crimes against the government and this facility.” Sugawara’s voice is completely calm, even and cruel.  

“What crimes?” He whispers. He turns in circles on his feet, staring up at the ceiling where the voices come from. 

An audio recording begins to play, and Iwaizumi recognizes the sounds. 

Oikawa moaning and Iwaizumi’s heavy breathing, the movements. The smacking of lips and Iwaizumi cringes, the sound of him sucking on Oikawa’s skin, gasping. His heart drops to his stomach. 

Oikawa moves on the ground, and Iwaizumi falls to the floor at the glass, slapping it. 

“Oikawa- Oikawa run!” He starts to shout but Oikawa just blinks.

“Iwaizumi?” He sees him mouth. The audio keeps playing and Iwaizumi knows Oikawa can hear it too because his head tilts up and his brow furrows, then his eyes widen and water. 

“OIKA--” The electricity hits him before he can scream. His heart punches into his throat and then it’s gone, the needles running through him stop and he’s left shaking. 

“To-oru-”

“IWAIZUMI!” He can just barely hear Oikawa scream.  

“HAJ-” His voice is drowned by the blood in Iwaizumi’s ears, the pounding so loud he can’t hear his own internal voice.

“Tooru- run-” He thinks he’s saying it he thinks he is. 

His lungs feel like they’re going to collapse and he tries to hold his body up with his arms but they’re too weak, his muscles won’t stop trembling. 

Oikawa slams his fists on the glass and it shakes, he watches from behind the transparent wall as Iwaizumi’s body shuts down, he’s trapped under the electricity and he can’t see the men enter. They came in with insulated boots, they don’t feel the electricity. It’s coming up through the floor.

“Iwaizumi!” 

“Iwaizumi get up- please!” Oikawa tries to scream but all he can feel is the cracking of his heart in his chest. His screams like shattered glass in his throat. 

“NO!”    
They lift him to his feet and he slouches against the wall trying to keep focus. 

“Iwaizumi-” 

“STOP, Please-” 

Oikawa can’t breath, he tries to push on the glass but his hands shake too much. 

Why are they torturing Iwaizumi, why not him? Why not him?

_ Stop  _

_ Stop _

_ Stop _

_ Stop _

_ Stop _

“STOP!” He screams and thrashes against the wall. 

He slams his fist against the glass and the corner cracks, but it’s not enough. It’s too late. 

His legs shake beneath him and he trembles against the glass in pain, writhing with every hit that comes down on Iwaizumi. It hurts, it hurts so much Oikawa can barely think. He gasps for air when he sees his blood. It drips from the corner of Iwaizumi’s lips and the edge of his eyebrow. The white floor is painted red in patches. Iwaizumi clings to the wall. 

“IWAIZUMI-” Oikawa keeps screaming. 

The audio has stopped, the sounds of their sex played, their moment, their love used against them. 

_ How? _ _   
_ Oikawa watches with his forehead pressed to the glass, his nails trying to dig into it, to claw through. Iwaizumi’s stopped moving and the soldiers see he’s stopped resisting. His limbs are limp and Oikawa closes his eyes to listen, tries to push through to his body to his heart beat, pleading with whatever god or gods there may be that it’s still beating. 

He pushes on the glass wall, both mentally and physically but it won’t budge. It won’t budge, there’s too much pain. It’s not normal glass, and he can’t think. He can’t think.

“No-” 

“No!” 

The soldiers let him slouch to the ground and remove their guns from their holsters. 

“IWA-” Oikawa can’t get his words out, everything in his head is breaking and moving too quick for him to do anything and chilling enough for him to do everything. 

“NO!” 

The soldiers cock their guns and take aim, the barrels focused on Iwaizumi’s forehead. Iwaizumi’s eyes open for a second, and he sees him, Oikawa sees him, still alive.

_ NO _

When their fingers brush the triggers, everything stops. Oikawa’s ears begin to ring and his body is bathed in still terror. His body stops trembling and his throat rips like he’s swallowed nails, and he pushes against the glass. The soldiers bodies hit the ground before Oikawa reaches the other side of the glass, his body still solidifying on the other side when he hears the thud. 

The bang never echoed. 

 

* * *

 

“Iwaizumi please- please wake up,” Oikawa’s voice comes to him first, it’s soft and filled with tears. 

“Please come back to me, please- Yachi he’s not waking up.” 

“Make sure all the bleeding’s stopped-” 

“I did I did he- Iwaizumi!” 

He rolls his head and lets his eyes blink open. So much pain swollen in his bones he actually feels heavier. 

“Tooru-” He whispers and it hurts, it hurts to speak. 

“Shhh-” Oikawa whispers, and Iwaizumi closes his eyes again, losing sight of everything. 

“Iwa- you can’t sleep, you can’t sleep, I’m sorry.” Oikawa’s voice comes in different tones, from relief to terror to guilt and Iwaizumi wants to reach out and calm him, but he can’t find any energy to even open his eyes. 

“I’m awa-” He whispers but fails to be coherent. 

“Okay, okay, do you feel any pain?” 

Oikawa’s hands whisper across his chest, the tips of his fingers gracing a few cuts and then scars. 

“I tried to heal you as best I could but It doesn’t do much for the pain, and I don’t know if anything is broke-”

“Voice Tooru, lower your voice.” Yachi whispers from afar and Oikawa does as she says and speaks softer. 

Iwaizumi opens his eyes to the dark closet, the shadows of his pain patching the world like television static. 

“Tooru,” He whispers and breathes in again, this time easier, but not easy. 

“Are you- what happened?” He scrunches his forehead trying to recall anything after the shock, after so much pain, needles breaking free from inside him.

“I’m fine Iwaizumi, I’m fine.” Oikawa holds his hand against Iwaizumi’s chest, the blood slowly stopping, his body bruised and cut from the lightning, streaks of broken skin along his body, slowly closing with Oikawa’s touch. 

“They found out-” Iwaizumi whispers, and he’s so close Oikawa can feel the push of his breath on his cheek, how hot it is on his skin. 

“Yes- they know, and now we have to leave.” Oikawa doesn’t look up from Iwaizumi’s wounds, just keeps his eyes closed, fingers pressed to Iwaizumi’s body. 

Slowly everything feels the same, it’s a dull ache that he can ignore. 

“What happened after I blacked out?” Iwaizumi asks and shifts his position against the wall so Oikawa can reach behind him and wrap the gauze.

“They held guns to your head,” Oikawa speaks without emotion but trembling inside.

“And I lost it, somehow I got through the wall to your side, and I hemorrhaged their brains before they could pull the trigger.” 

“And Yachi?” Iwaizumi glances up at her but she doesn’t pull her eyes from the hallway, peering through a crack in the door, watching for soldiers.

“I got out into the hall with you, and made it about three corners before she pulled me in here.” 

“You guys almost ready?” Her voice cuts through their softer conversation her rushed tone sharpening their own nerves with urgency. 

“Almost-” 

“Suga will be scouring the whole facility for you, but he won’t think to look in the tunnels for another hour, If we get-” She pulls back the door and closes her mouth. 

A group of soldiers run by their heavy boots thundering down the hall. When they’re gone, and the silence lasts, they all sigh. 

“Tunnels?” Iwaizumi asks, and Yachi finally looks at him, and he realizes- 

She has a gun pressed to her side. 

“Old sewage tunnels, they were emptied out years ago because of leakage into the village a few miles east.” 

“So we’ll get out to the village?” Iwaizumi looks between Oikawa and Yachi but neither are paying him actual attention. 

“No, Suga will look there first, I have a friend who will be picking us up in the middle.”

“And then what?” Iwaizumi pushes to his feet the pain finally faded enough to make significant movements. 

“You guys are flying to the U.S.” Yachi opens the door all the way and leaves no room for another question before dashing into the hall. 

Iwaizumi follows Oikawa and Yachi into the hall, hugging the wall as they make their way in silence. Yachi holds a gun on each side of her, peering around each corner as they walk. 

Oikawa nudges Iwaizumi and hands him his gun, it being useless to him. He takes it and holds it down ready, feeling the familiar shape in his palm. 

Yachi turns the corner and stands. There’s a gasp, and a bang and then her face nodding them forward. 

Iwaizumi looks at the body as they pass, he didn’t have a chance, a new recruit only hired as a body to die if needed. He’s not even 20 years old. 

Iwaizumi looks up at one of the cameras then at another across the other hall.  

“How are we getting-”   
“Shh-” Yachi quiets Iwaizumi but then-

“There you guys are-”

Yachi’s gun is pointed in the voice’s direction and before anyone else can stop her she pulls the trigger. Kenma’s eyes widen and everyone watches as the bullet flies and then disappears mid air. A moment passes and it flies across it’s original course into the wall next to Iwaizumi and Oikawa. 

“Careful Yach-” 

“Shut up!” She whispers, her eyes still wide not even taking a moment to register what she almost just did. 

“Kenma what are you doing out here?” Oikawa asks and Kuroo answers appearing next to Kenma. 

“We thought we could help, if you’re going to escape, we want in,” 

“Well then come on, we don’t have time to chat, my friend will be here in 30 minutes and we need at least 20 to get through the tunnels.” 

“Kenma can you shut down all the cameras?” Iwaizumi butts in. Kenma nods. 

“I already shut them off on this wing but the controller will notice soon.” 

Yachi turns and continues down the hall, the rest following without any more words. 

Iwaizumi sticks close to Oikawa, sensing the panic rising in his skin just as much as in his. The halls feel too empty, and the silence is suffocating, squeezing their hearts. 

“You handle a gun well,” Iwaizumi tells her, glancing as they turn another corner. 5 more. 

“My father was a commander in the Military, started teaching me when I was 12.” 

Iwaizumi nods and glances back at Oikawa who shrugs, who would have guessed. 

3 more turns. 

Kuroo pulls Kenma by his hand down the hall, keeping him with them and warps any bullets that find them, allowing Yachi and Oikawa to kill the guards before they notice.

1 more.

They turn the last corner and Kenma fries the camera, its head powering down with a spark as Yachi tries to open the door. The knob jumbles but the metal won’t budge. 

“It’s locked,” She says and Oikawa steps forward but before he can speak she aims and shoots the gun, the bang echoing through the hall. The knob falls limp and Kuroo shoves the door open, the metal releasing from the frame.

The entrance to the sewer tunnels is in the floor, under a hatch behind medical supplies. When they open it the smell waft through the air clogging their lungs with the smell of decay and aged waste. 

“It’s a straight down drop,” Yachi says and looks around. 

Oikawa is the first to drop down into the tunnel. The drop is long and he pulls on his wait to keep from hitting the floor hard, weakening the gravitational pull on himself so he can hover before dropping. 

“I’m down!” He shouts up and his voice carries up the shaft, where the others murmur. 

“Iwaizumi, you go next,” Yachi says, her eyes still trained on the door. He nods, crouching down and sitting on the edge, slipping his gun in the back of his pants.

“I’m coming down Tooru!” he tries to shout softly, just enough so Oikawa can hear him but not so loud that it alerts any more soldiers. 

Oikawa braces himself, concentrating on the energy through the pipe, and discerning for Iwaizumi. He finds him still at the top, his heart racing his energy overwhelming and full, warm but terrified. When Iwaizumi pushes off the edge he feels weightless, the air pulling back on him his wounds pressed on by the resistance, until- 

Oikawa catches Iwaizumi’s weight; pushes everything up and holds him, reversing the pull of his body and lowers him through the pipe. It’s strange to be held by Oikawa, Iwaizumi’s body loses its sense of independence and suddenly he’s no longer in control but tightly held. 

He touches down in the sewer, meeting Oikawa on the concrete with the rush of his body weight into his bones as he hits the ground. 

“Everything good?” Kuroo’s voice comes from above and Oikawa looks up. 

“Yeah, he’s down,” Oikawa shouts and the darkness vibrates with his words and more whispers are heard from up top. 

“Okay I’m sending Kenma down,” Kuroo says and Iwaizumi watches as Oikawa puts his hands out and stares into the dark hole in the ceiling, concentrating. 

Kenma joins them in a few moments, then Yachi, and finally Kuroo. One by one Oikawa lowers them through the pipe and Iwaizumi watches next to him, seeing the sweat collect on his temples and the strain in his brow as he holds each body steady. 

He’s not used to this much work, he’s still not used to his power. Even after all the amazing things he’s done, Iwaizumi can see, Oikawa’s deprived.

“Which direction captain?” Kuroo says to Yachi and she glares at him, pointing east, where the mission launch pads are. 

They all start jogging east their feet the only echoes in the silence. The stench of past sewage burns their nostrils and causes their lungs to restrict making it harder to breathe. They run for about a mile until Oikawa stops, heaving his breath and supporting himself on the wall, his body not used to so much physical activity. 

“We have to slow down,” Iwaizumi tells the rest and rubs Oikawa’s back as he catches his breath. 

“We can walk from here, but I’m almost out of bullets so we can’t go too slow,” Yachi cocks her guns but doesn’t holster them. She doesn’t say what everyone is thinking.  _ Sugawara.  _

Oikawa stands straight and heaves a deep breath, nodding his head and they all start up again. 

“How long until we reach your friend?” Oikawa whispers, and Yachi looks over softly. 

“Just a few more minutes, he’s waiting for us.” She says, and for the first time, Iwaizumi can see fear flicker around her iris. 

“We’re gonna get you out of here, you’re gonna make it.” 

They keep walking, one foot after the other, their breathing stifled and shallow trying to keep the stink at bay. 

Oikawa’s chest feels like it’s on fire like his lungs are filled with acid that’s eroding his tissue. But he keeps walking, shuffling forward slowly gaining his breath back with the idea of being free pushing him. 

He’s read about the U.S. in old history books, and new articles Yachi brought him when he was young but he can’t imagine it as anything other than busy, with crowds to hide in. He sighs, hoping they’ll be safe.

A thundering of boots rattle above them and Yachi Jogs ahead of them. The path leads to a small circular end with a grate above head and she rushes into the area’s center looking up into a light that’s bleeding down from the grate. Their exit. 

“We’re here, just up-” The iron grate moves. 

Slowly, the concrete scraping away and crumbling bits as pieces coming down. Yachi backs away from under it. 

It caves in and clatters on the ground with a deep guttural ring that reverberates through the air. 

“YACHI!” Kuroo shouts. 

He reacts first, extending his hand and opening up a hole beneath her where she disappears, a bullet following her in just as the shadow closes.

“Yachi!” Oikawa shouts and lurches forward. Iwaizumi catches him, holding him close and cringing at the elbow that kneads into his stomach and the wound still open under regenerated flesh.

Yachi comes down from the ceiling and hits the ground with a crack and a scream, the bullet flying down with her and grazing her arm. She screams and clutches her arm curling over and crying, the tears seeping through creases around her eyes. 

Kuroo bolts over to her, looking up at the pothole, then disappearing again into blackness.

Sugawara jumps down and lands firmly on the concrete. He makes no comment about Yachi, but zeros in on Oikawa as soon as he sees him. 

Kuroo appears holding Yachi from the wall next to Oikawa and Iwaizumi, laying her down on the ground Oikawa holds on to her, trying to focus on her body. 

His heart is racing all the way into his mouth and his hands shake as he presses them to her arm. 

“I’ll distract him,” Kuroo says, and walks back towards Sugawara. Kuroo’s eyes roll back into his head and blacken, dark veins spreading across his face as he pulls the shadows from the wall and surrounds Sugawara with them. 

“I know all your tricks Kuroo, I know what you’re doing. And I know you can’t hold it for long.” Suga shouts. 

Oikawa holds onto Yachi’s arm trying to focus on the wound, to block out the rest of the world but he can’t. He can’t and the blood just keeps spilling down her arm the muscle ripped apart. The tears seep into his vision and he can’t see anything but the blurry crimson wetting his fingers and he trembles more.

“Iwaizumi-” Oikawa calls and Iwaizumi puts a hand on his. 

“Oikawa breathe, you need to focus-” 

A stray bullet flies past them and Oikawa shrinks down his hands going to his head and smearing her blood across his temples. 

“Oikawa focus!” Iwaizumi urges. He’s trying not to shout, to keep Oikawa calm by staying calm but his heart in going to collapse any second and he can’t feel the air in his lungs. 

Oikawa nearly slams his palms to Yachi’s arm closing his eyes and gritting his teeth as hard as he can. Yachi moans and rolls her head on the concrete, then bares her teeth and curses. 

When Oikawa removes his hands next the blood has stopped, the skin thin and bruised but holding. 

“It’ll have to do; Kenma,” Iwaizumi calls, and he crouches down by Yachi’s side nodding. 

“You can’t fight down here with your powers so we need to you to keep her safe, can you do that?” Iwaizumi pulls at a piece of his bandage ripping it and wrapping Yachi’s arm quickly.

“I can create an electric force field for protection, go, I got this!” Kenma mumbles quickly and Iwaizumi rests the rest of Yachi’s weight on him pushing to his feet. 

He takes the gun from his waist belt and checks the bullets. 

“8” He’s missing 4. 

Oikawa stands next to him and grabs his arm about to say something when Kuroo yells out. His shadow falls to the floor as he holds his side, staggering back and trying to control his breath. 

When Suga emerges from Kuroo’s hold he blinks and shudders. Kuro puts his hand up again to block him but Suga stuns him before he can, his collar beeping and lighting up before he falls to his knees spitting out his breath and shaking. 

Suga presses the button again and Kuroo keeps jolting and shaking, blood coming up out of his mouth. Oikawa takes a step forward when suddenly it all stops. He presses the button again but nothing happens, the collar’s lights gone. It’s stopped working. Suga throws away the controller, pulling out his gun and aiming it. 

“You were never that special,” He says and pulls the trigger. 

Oikawa lunges forward and the gun goes off, Suga’s arm pushed up towards the ceiling and the bullet lodged in the concrete above him. 

Sugawara whips his head around to Oikawa and pulls his arm back to his side. 

“You.” He says and Oikawa takes a step back. 

“You’ve always been the most interesting specimen, and always well behaved.” Suga’s words are a bit slurred his tongue heavy with malice. 

Two other soldiers drop down into the tunnels, heavily armed the long barrels of their guns stripping Oikawa of any confidence he might have had.

A bullet flies past him but from behind. 

Iwaizumi aims at Sugawara but it misses, and he keeps advancing. 

“What happened Oikawa? Why are you disobeying?” It’s the first time Sugawara says his name, and Oikawa almost hurls. He wants to respond but he doesn’t. 

He looks up and stops stepping back, pushes with all his might on Sugawara and sents him flying back into the soldiers. 

“You can’t control me anymore.” He whispers to himself. 

When Sugawara stands up again he pulls out his controller and presses down on the button. Oikawa braces himself for the shock but nothing comes. The collar beeps and a gas is released, the collar opening and falling to the ground. 

Oikawa touches his naked neck and looks back at Kenma. With one hand outstretched Kenma disabled Oikawa’s collar, setting him free. 

Oikawa looks behind him at Iwaizumi but he’s not there. 

The crack of guns go off on the other side of the tunnel, Iwaizumi shooting down the corridor at one of the soldiers that were flung back. When he’s out of bullets he waits at the edge of a corner. 

Suga’s on his feet and aiming his gun before Oikawa sees, shooting and missing. Oikawa ducks missing the shots my a few centimeters, feeling their wind brush past him. 

Suga’s in front of him before he can look back at him, moving meters faster than Oikawa can see. 

“You were always a pest.” Suga snarls and his hand curls around Oikawa’s neck just before Oikawa pushes back. 

He ends up launching both of them against the far wall, Sugawara’s grip on him stronger than he anticipated. They both hit the wall and Oikawa’s head bashes against the concrete, Suga’s body cracking on impact as well. 

He screams and Oikawa tries to ignore the pain, pushing Suga away from him and rushing to his feet. 

He watches as Sugawara flickers out and reappears across the corridor. Oikawa’s heart drops the realization hitting him like a weight in his chest. He’s not human. Sugawara isn’t human, he’s a camd. 

Suga’s smirk unfolds and he rushes forward at Oikawa before he has any time to scream or gasp, his fingers digging into Oikawa’s neck as he tries to sever his spinal cord. 

“Don’t think I’m like you, don’t think we’re the same, I wasn’t born a freak!” His snarl drips into Oikawa’s ear as he tries to get away craning his neck to put distance between them.  

“Don’t kill him, they said, he’s so unique, don’t kill him cause we’ll never find anything so special.” 

“Fuck them, fuck it all, you’re mine now, and I’m going enjoy separating this disgusting infectious head of yours from those scrawny shoulders.”

Oikawa tries to push on Sugawara but the fear clogged in his throat and his struggle to breathe keeps him from reacting. Suga throws him across the circle, shallow so his body scrapes along the concrete ripping apart his skin.

Oikawa lifts himself up, looking at Iwaizumi. One soldier’s dead, his blood pooling around him from a bullet from his own gun. Oikawa chokes on his air, pushing up on his body as fast he can, the pain splitting his nerves and pushing a scream up his throat. 

Iwaizumi looks over at Oikawa, his body struggling to stand and collapsing again on the ground. The blood dripping down his face and the terror in his eyes. 

He remembers that fear, that pain that’s running through him so overwhelming he can’t think, therefore he’s powerless. Iwaizumi pushes his entire body onto the other soldier, hitting him with a jab under his arm where the skin was left open, buckling him over pulling his gun out from his hands. He presses the nozzle to his head and pulls the trigger, the bullet coming out the other end of his skull before he lets the body drop. 

“Tooru-” He whispers and aims the gun but when he aims Suga’s in front of him, pulling the gun from him lifting Iwaizumi by the throat. 

"NO!" Oikawa screams and pulls at Sugawara using any energy he can to get him away from Iwaizumi. Suga hits the wall again with a thud, this time blood is left when he slides down, and Oikawa looks back at Iwaizumi.

“You okay?” He asks, but Iwaizumi is already on his feet rushing towards him. The fear in his eyes, rattling Oikawa down to his bones his heart shaking in his chest. 

“Tooru-” He scream and Oikawa looks back, Suga’s on his feet and aiming. 

The bullet has a curved head, spinning towards him propelled by the sliced air around it. He can’t stop it, he can’t react, not even with instinct. His eyes close and he swears he feels the puncture of its metal through him, but he doesn’t. 

All he hears is the heavy thud of Iwaizumi’s body hitting the ground and the choked cry of his name. Then so much warmth is gone. 

Iwaizumi’s body drops before Oikawa can take another breath. 

The world enters a silence Oikawa can feel in his blood, a deafening screaming silence that chokes out everything. Oikawa’s heart doesn’t race, it stops. He stares for a moment at Iwaizumi’s body and then it fades out, and he stares at the concrete he lays on. 

Sugawara huffs out his air like it’s poison, his contorted smile twitching as he observes the two bodies on the ground. Then one starts to move. 

Oikawa sits up and Sugawara aims his gun again. He pulls the trigger and the bullet fills the air again but stops at Oikawa’s back. He pulls the trigger two more times and every time as Oikawa rises they stop centimeters from his skin. 

Oikawa doesn’t tremble from fear, because there’s nothing to be afraid of anymore. He turns towards Suga and pushes the bullets back and they rip through him. Oikawa reaches out mentally and holds Sugawara form falling, keeping him suspended in the air, and slowly pulls all the oxygen from his lungs watching him gasp both in pain and for life.

Oikawa screams, the tears overflowing and he screams through them, peeling the skin away from Sugawara’s bones and hearing his screams die as he drowns in his own blood. 

He drops the body and waits to make sure it doesn’t twitch. 

_ No- _

Oikawa drops to his knees, pressing his palms as hard as he can to his eyes, trying to make the memory go away, try to reverse it but all he can do is cry. He scrambles over to Iwaizumi and holds his head in his lap, the blood flowing out of his chest. 

“No-” He whispers. He presses his hands to the blood, to the hole in Iwaizumi’s chest and pleads. He forces his mind as much as he can and pulls the bullet out throwing it away from the both. More and more blood keeps spilling and Oikawa leans over Iwaizumi the tears dripping into the red. 

“Tooru-” Iwaizumi’s eyes are lazy and far away and Oikawa brushes his hand against his cheek. 

“No- no you can’t” 

“Tooru-” His whisper’s almost a cry and Oikawa bites down on his lip to keep from screaming. 

“Iwa-”    
“Iwa- please.” His hands are trembling again and he can’t keep them still. He closes his eyes and tries to focus on the wound but he can’t see anything but the blood. All he can do is scream. 

“Wake up-” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE COMMENT!!! I WANT TO BE SCREAMED AT!!!!!
> 
> ps. I'm sorry.


	19. Tragedy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry,

_ “Iwa-”  _

_“Iwa- Iwa!”_

Life is a tragedy. After everything, you die.

_“Iwa-”_

_“Iwa- please!”_

It’s painful, shattered from the start. 

_ “Hajime-e”  _

And you only break every other part.

_ “Iwa- wake up!”  _

Life is a tragedy. 

_“Hajime, please- don’t leave me.”_

In every respect. 

_ “Please,”  _

Until-

_“I love you-”_

You find what’s worth not leaving. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT!


	20. As I Lay Dying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the end, Oikawa gave him light, in all his darkness.

It’s quiet where he goes, in silence that washes like whispered love stories, and Iwaizumi lets it consume him. The light airy touch of everything is so different, from all the pain, from all the cries.

“Iwa-chan wake up!” Iwaizumi looks over at Oikawa laying next to him in the grass, the sun is warm on his skin, but Oikawa’s touch is warmer. He rolls onto his side.

“I am awake,” He says and smiles like he’s only ever done so.

“No you’re not silly-” Oikawa sits up laughing, his smile making Iwaizumi’s heart swell. Iwaizumi sits up at stares at him, questioning him with his eyes.

“Iwa-chan, you’re dying,” Oikawa says, and his eyes scrunch up in his smile.

_He’s dying?_

“Iwaizumi?” Oikawa calls but when he looks up Oikawa’s not there.

“Tooru?” Iwaizumi looks around, planting his palms in the grass and trying to find Oikawa in the distance but the field is empty.

“Hajime-” His voice comes to him and Iwaizumi looks up. The sun’s rays are blinding, the white light filling the sky until no blue is left, and the voices become clearer. His world fades.

Iwaizumi’s eyes feel crusted with sleep, the slug of days asleep drugging him. He blinks in the bright lights, the room’s white walls reflecting everything at him. Oikawa sits on the bench in front of him, his head wrapped in gauze, and his eyes closed. Iwaizumis sits up.

Yachi’s gasp fills the room and springs him awake when she sees Iwaizumi. Oikawa sits up in his seat and looks from Yachi to Iwaizumi, then stops.

“Oikawa-” Iwaizumi says but has no time to react when Oikawa launches out of his chair leaping into Iwaizumi’s lap.

“You’re-” He begins but doesn't get the words out.

Oikawa holds his face between his palms and pulls him into a kiss. Iwaizumi melts with the contact, grasping at Oikawa’s shirt to pull him closer. He can feel both of their tears seeping between their cheeks and he smiles at them.  

“Iwaizumi- Iwa,”  He pulls away and runs his hands over and over across his cheeks, brushing away lazy strands of hair on his forehead making sure he’s real.

“My Hajime-” He whispers and Iwaizumi nods looking up at him confused.

“I’ll get the doctor,” Yachi says turning out of the room.

“Where are we?” Iwaizumi asks, looking up at Oikawa.

“We’re in New York, in the United State,” Oikawa says and Iwaizumi blinks. He takes a deep breath and feels the sharp pain in his side. He cringes and grasps onto Oikawa.

“Careful-” Oikawa moves off of Iwaizumi’s lap, sitting on the bed next to him. He unties Iwaizumi’s gown and pulls back the gauze. Iwaizumi’s heart sinks.

The wound is lined with black and blue veins, stitches along his side pull his skin together and the wound closed. The gauze is bloody and the wound bleeding just a bit.

“I was shot-” Iwaizumi says.

When Oikawa doesn’t say or do anything Iwaizumi looks up. He’s staring blankly at him, tears pooling at the edges of his eyes before they drip down his cheeks.

“Iwaizumi, you died.” He says, a choked whisper in the shallows of his pain.

“Since I’ve met you, I’ve always been able to feel your heartbeat, like a little warm flame; when you touch me, when you're close, I can sense it’s rhythm. But when you were laying on the ground, and I was screaming; Iwaizumi I felt cold, I couldn’t feel your heartbeat for 13 minutes and 38 seconds. You died.”

Iwaizumi tries to turn towards Oikawa but pain stabs into his side and he grunts holding his side.

“Tooru-”

“Hajime Iwaizumi,” A woman in a white lab coat comes in, her glasses high on her nose and dark black hair pulled back in a bun. He looks at her and retracts his hand from Oikawa.  

“That’s me,” He answers, and Oikawa sits up surprised that Iwaizumi responds in English.*

“Don’t worry, I speak Japanese too, I’m just not used to it over here,” She responds in Japanese and Iwaizumi changes back too,

“I figured since- America,” He says, and his smile peeks through at the corner.

“My name is Dr. Kiyoko, but you can call me Shimizu-”

“Oh you found them-” Yachi comes into the room with a smile, looking up at Shimizu, her cheeks bright pink, and it’s then that Iwaizumi notices her arm is in a sling, her wound better wrapped.

“You know her Yachi?” Iwaizumi asks and sees Oikawa nod for her in the corner of his eye.

“Shimizu and I met when I was studying medicine abroad here in America, I contacted her as soon as we took off, and she said she’d take care of everything.”

“Yes, but before we get to that I’d like to see your wound once more-” Shimizu puts down her clipboard and walks around the bed to where Oikawa sits.

“If I could get in please,” She motions and Oikawa crawls down to the foot of the bed, sitting cross-legged at Iwaizumi’s feet.

“Tooru you don’t-”

“He’s fine, I’m actually surprised he’s letting me inspect you, he wouldn’t let any of my nurses near you-”

She pulls away the gauze and looks down at the wound bleeding just a bit.

“There’s still a bit of blood, but I’m certain Oikawa can take care of the surface breach,” She looks back at him and he smiles and nods.

Iwaizumi’s brain is buzzing with confusion, his chest filled with questions. But he sits back and keeps his lips closed.

“Other than that I think you’re good to go, We’ll keep you here for a few nights while you recover but you should be fine, miraculously-” She says and shakes her head.

“You’re lucky, if Oikawa wasn’t able to do what he can, you’d probably died in a matter of minutes.”

Iwaizumi thinks back to what Oikawa said before, to what he wanted to respond with before Shimizu came in.

“Extremely lucky-” He says after a moment.

“Well I’ll leave you two, Yachi- could you come with me?” She asks and picks up her clipboard again, leaving as she whispers something in Yachi’s ear. Iwaizumi watches them go, silence filling the void they left.

Oikawa slides off the bed and walks up to Iwaizumi’s side.

He wipes away the little bit of blood with a cloth and presses his palm to the cut, closing his eyes and heaving a sigh he visualizes the skin healing.  

Iwaizumi can feel his skin move as Oikawa compels it to, the tissue growing under his touch; it burns like a flame on his skin, and his hand flies to the spot sucking in a breath to try and quell the pain.

“Last time I was shot it didn’t hurt,” He whispers between the stabs on his side.

Oikawa pulls his hand away, and shakes his head,

“I don’t know why; I’ve been feeling it too, it burns now, where before it just felt warm. It also happens faster, just by a few seconds though-”

Iwaizumi nods pulling down his hospital gown but not tying it; too tired to fiddle with the straps. Oikawa sits on the side of the bed, his back to Iwaizumi wiping the blood off his hand. His heart is still numb in his chest, too heavy and warm like it’s sick with a fever; it’s like it’s dying.

“Hajime-” He calls Iwaizumi’s name but receives no response. His heart shakes for a moment, but when he turns and Iwaizumi’s still there, breathing slowly with his eyes closed, leaning back on his pillow. Oikawa looks out the window, the dark shade of night expanding across the sky and consuming all the sight of the city, then back at Iwaizumi’s sleeping figure.  

“You must be so tired- my Hajime-” He brushes a few strands of his hair and shifts on the bed. He lies down next to him fitting just perfectly in the small bed, his face close to Iwaizumi’s on the pillow.

“My Iwa-chan-”

* * *

 

“IWAIZUMI!!” Oikawa’s hands pull and rip at Iwaizumi’s shirt.

“Tooru?” He reaches out but goes right through. He tries again and again but Oikawa just- fades away.

“IWA-CHAN!”

Iwaizumi’s eyes flick awake, his lungs clasped down in his chest and everything feels too hot inside. He tries to sit up but his blankets are pulled too tight against him by something at his side and Iwaizumi looks over.

Oikawa’s curled by his side his face centimeters away from his, arms wrapped in an ‘x’ around his shoulders. What a strange way to sleep, like he’s hugging himself. Iwaizumi settles back into his pillow, looking at Oikawa in the dark, his hair longer than when they first met, and falling into his face, across his cheek.

He reaches out of the blankets and brushes his hand across Oikawa’s forehead, shifting the hair away from his face the fear from his dream already faded. His finger trails from Oikawa’s forehead down his cheek before pulling away. He wants to press a kiss there, to his forehead, but before he can, Oikawa’s eyes flutter and twitch opening with a squint.

“Iwa-chan-” Oikawa whispers and shifts his body moving closer just the smallest amount.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you-” Iwaizumi whispers, and Oikawa’s eyes hang low with sleep.

“Can you not sleep? What time is it?” Oikawa’s voice squeaks as he stretches his body yawning through his questions.

“It’s late; I just woke up from a bad dream-” Iwaizumi smiles at the way Oikawa curls back into that strange position. He waits for him to close his eyes but he doesn’t, Oikawa stays awake and just stares.

“Did you just call me Iwa-chan?” Iwaizumi realizes what Oikawa said a moment ago and feels the blush in his cheeks as he tries not to laugh.

Oikawa’s eyes open wide, then look away, hiding his embarrassment against the pillow.

“Yeah-” He whispers.

“You were saying it in your sleep earlier when you came out of surgery- I- I thought it was cute.” Oikawa’s face is so red Iwaizumi thinks he might burst. But all Iwaizumi does is miles. He laughs and nods as Oikawa’s smile grows.

“I like it-” He says, and Oikawa looks out from the fabric of the pillow, his cheeks still rosy.

A moment passes with them staring at each other when Oikawa sits up without warning and quickly presses his lips to Iwaizumi’s. They fit into one another and Oikawa’s lips pull at Iwaizumi’s as he leaves and rests back on his side of the pillow leaving Iwaizumi warmer than he was before.

“What was that for?” Iwaizumi slips his hand into Oikawa’s pulling it away from his shoulder onto the bed.

“Just wanted to-” Oikawa’s voice wavers and Iwaizumi can tell he’s still nervous.

“It still doesn’t feel real, you being here- It feels like a dream,” Oikawa says and squeezes Iwaizumi’s hand pulling it close to his heart pressing the back to his chest so Iwaizumi can feel his heartbeat.

“I wanna show you something-” Iwaizumi says, and hold Oikawa’s hand out between them.

“I want you to count them with me.” and Oikawa nods.

He touches each finger as they count,

“One”

“Two”

“Three”

Oikawa begins to focus on what’s beyond his fingers, on Iwaizumi counting.

“Four-”

Oikawa doesn’t know why they’re counting his fingers.

“Five.”

But when they finish, he can feel his heart beat slower.

“I was taught a long time ago- that if you feel like you’re dreaming, count your fingers and if the number is correct then life is real, if the number is not, then you’re still dreaming.” Iwaizumi whispers and runs his thumb over Oikawa’s knuckles.

“And if I still feel like I’m dreaming after,” Oikawa reaches for Iwaizumi’s hand spreading his fingers and flattening their palms together.

“You count someone else's fingers,” He says, and then slips his fingers between Oikawa’s twisting his hand and pressing a kiss to the back of Oikawa’s.

Oikawa unbends his fingers and Iwaizumi does the same watching as Oikawa counts in his head each of Iwaizumi’s fingers.

“Five-” He whispers, and his lips spread into a smile.

“You’re real-”

“Of course I’m real- I came back for you-” Iwaizumi doesn’t hesitate with his words, doesn’t fake them either. When he was lost in his own darkness, it was Oikawa he thought of, it was him who brought him back.

Oikawa smiles biting on his lip and pressing his cheek into the pillow. With a sigh he lets the moment pass the silence holding them captive for only a moment.

“Do you think we’ll be happy here?” Oikawa’s question stuns Iwaizumi for a moment, not sure where here really is, but he knows he has to give an answer, and there’s no point in lying.

“I think it’ll take time, for both of us to get adjusted, but I think we’ll be just fine.”

Oikawa nods, letting go of Iwaizumi’s hand and curling them around his shoulders again, hugging himself.

“I’m sorry we lost the stuff Bokuto gave you,” Iwaizumi suddenly remembers the items in his duffle bag. Oikawa perks up at their mention,

“Oh they weren’t lost, Akaashi was able to grab them and returned them before taking taking a car out of the facility.” Oikawa smiles at the thought, remembering how Akaashi looked in the dust covered chaos like he was alive again like he was free. The feeling hasn’t set in quite yet, for Oikawa.

“So Akaashi got out too-” Iwaizumi whispers, wondering about the other.

“And Kuroo and Kenma too- they went with Akaashi, he said he was going to drop them off somewhere he knew they’d be safe.”

“I wonder where they’ll end up-” Iwaizumi says, he remembers their wounds and wonders how they’re doing.

“I hope we get to see them again-” Oikawa whispers and squeezes himself tighter. His eyes grow heavier as he sinks deeper against the bed and pillow.

“AHH-I liked them,” He yawns, tears perking at the corners of his eyes as he tries to keep them open.

Iwaizumi stares at Oikawa’s arms as he drifts, trying to fight the lethargy, and losing.

“Tooru-” Iwaizumi has to ask.

“Mmmm?” Oikawa hums, his eyes opening again.

“Why do you lay like that? With your arms wrapped around yourself?”

Oikawa looks down at his arms and his smile falls to a somber line.

“Being alone for so many years can do terrible things to your heart.” He whispers and Iwaizumi just watches, his heart sinking.

“When I was young and they had just taken me, there was no one to hold me, so often fell asleep hugging myself to feel less alone. I guess old habits die hard.” Oikawa whisper fades at the end, his hands slipping from his shoulder and moving to under his cheek, but his shoulders fidget like he’s uncomfortable.

“Tooru-” Iwaizumi calls him one last time, his heart sunken deep in his chest that it feels hollow behind his lungs.

Oikawa looks into his eyes and Iwaizumi sees Oikawa- he sees all the pain still resting behind them, but all the light he still holds.

“Can I hold you- please?” Iwaizumi’s voice almost cracks but he holds it back and tries not to gasp. Oikawa nods.

He sits up and pulls the blankets from under him, crawling beneath them and into Iwaizumi’s arms. He presses his cheek to Iwaizumi’s arm, his nose to Iwaizumi’s collarbone and his head to the curve of Iwaizumi’s neck. He breathes in his scent and feels at home letting his smile rest on his lips, his tears come lightly and don’t last long.

“I’m sorry you had to live through so much pain, that they ever found you.” Iwaizumi whispers and holds Oikawa as tight as he can.

“I’m not-” Oikawa says, and Iwaizumi’s shocked to hear it, to think about all the pain he endured all the suffering and still-

“Because in the end-” Oikawa opens his mouth wide and yawns, his eyes fitting against his cheek.

“It brought me to you-”

Oikawa drifts into sleep with those words on his lips, and Iwaizumi stares into the darkness until he too falls, wondering what lives they’ll have now, and if they’re really and truly safe.

“I can’t even fathom your existence, how in all this darkness I’m given light and color; This emptiness that you somehow made feel filled to the brim with something beautiful.” He recalls the words Oikawa said to the stars once and looks down at him.

“What light I’m given.” His eyes drift out as he leans on the pillow, falling so deeply it’s almost like death.

 

 

**END**

 

* * *

 

 

 

*They have indeed been speaking Japanese most of the time, and some Arabic during the mission (which were located in the Arabian Peninsula btw)

 

 

Note: The cultures and regions of this AU are a combination of fantasy and reality, meaning though I’m using the Arabian peninsula as a setting because of its deserts I am creating my own setting of trading routes and tents, shops and stalls. These aren’t intended to be any representation of present day or any past cultures, though some influences may be taken such as the language (So I'm not going to have people in the Arabian Peninsula speaking Greek.) I am doing research on certain cultures that will have influence such as Norwegian and African culture, that will be fused with my own ideas and creations to better fit the story and people who have developed their own customs within the region they live. No culture is meant to be completely realistic or current. If I make any mistake or cause any offense please let me know and I will try to accommodate and fix any errored information.     

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for following this fic with me! As you may have noticed this is the final chapter of the first book! But don't worry the second is coming soon! Make sure to subscribe to the Series "A Beautiful Mind" and stay tuned to Oikawa and Iwaizumi's adventure. 
> 
> PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO COMMENT!!!! It's all I receive as feedback, and I really REALLY enjoy reading all you have to say! 
> 
> I look forward to Book 2 which's title is "If I Lose You" 
> 
> Come follow my Tumblr: http://paintbrushyy.tumblr.com/

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for Reading!!! DON'T FORGET TO COMMENT AND LEAVE KUDOS!!!! 
> 
>  
> 
> My Tumblr: http://paintbrushyy.tumblr.com/


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